(no subject)
Okay. My foot still hurts. This has me somewhat concerned because I have no idea why. I think it could be a pinched nerve. I did some research... to no avail. The pain is on top of my foot and radiates to my ankle and shoots up my leg. It feels as tho my foot is trapped in a plastic vice. Not a metal vice... the pain isn't quite there yet. Right now it's not too bad.. probably a 2. But if I put pressure on it... it shoots up to about an 8 real quick.
My mom will be here soon. Like... in 2 hours. Or less. She'll be staying... indefinitely. On one hand... this is a good thing. It's good for her because she's out of Florida and away from Brad and that whole situation. She's away from Kevin and his craziness. She can start fresh and get on with her life. Her behavior lately has been downright embarrassing. I don't think I will ever forgive her for the phone call she made a few months ago where she got drunk and drove into the Everglades in the middle of the night... then proceeded to get lost... and lose her keys. Then she called me and proceeded to wail into the phone... sobbing hysterically. What am I supposed to do in that situation? The funny thing about it all is... John found where she was. Sorta. She said that she could hear a train... so John went to MapQuest and found the railroad tracks going out to Okeechobee. At least we would have had a starting place to look. I wanted to call the cops... but... what do I say? My crazy drunk mother is lost in the Everglades... oh... and she can't find the keys to her truck. I had visions of some John Wayne Gacy type having a good time with her. WTF?! URGH! Why does she do this to me?
I am still mad at her for giving away 2 of my dogs and 2 of my cats and going back to Brad's in the first place. It was a desperate measure. She wanted closure... revenge... reconciliation... Well... here it is a year and a half later... and she's worse off than she was a year ago. She's gotten rid of most of her belongings. It broke her heart when she sold her horses (which I told her was a foolish move to begin with). On one level... I can look at her as a woman and say... wow! You've been through some shit! I see your hurt and I want to make you feel better. On the other hand... I am highly annoyed with her and I just want to smack her in the head and say... You dumb ass bitch! You should have listened to me! This is all her fault and she's turned so many people's lives upside down. I am angry with her for drinking. She was doing so good for so long... and now she has completely fallen apart. I don't know what to do for her. I want to punch her in the nose. That's how much she's hurt me.
And now I have to live with her. I didn't bother to make room for her. Or to clean up anything. She gets to see what mental state I am in right now. I'm so fucked up in the head... and she's so fucked up in the head. All I can say is... it's a good thing John works at a hotel right now.
And I feel bad... because I have such a negative attitude about how this is all going to work out. But I can only go on past performance and quite honestly... I don't need any more upheaval in my life right now. She's going to critique the way I live my life... she's going to lecture me about my weight... she's going to lecture me about my health...
It makes me feel kind of selfish to write this shit down... but it's my Journal dammit. So yeah... it is all about me.
And then I become the martyr... then I loathe myself... *shakes head*
So... you see why I stop writing sometimes? Because I can't stand to see the utter shit that comes out of my head.
On a good note... heh
I got a raise on Monday. And a new title... WebMistress. *laugh* It was everything I could do to not make an off-colour comment when Mike told me that.
And on a similar note:
Out of the mouths of babes...
Last week Mike came out of the back office with a boxful of tripod quick release plates. He plopped the box on the counter and told us what to do with the contents. His 8-year-old daughter quipped... "I see my Daddy treats you like he treats us. Except you don't get punished!" I almost died laughing. I literally had to pinch myself to stop myself from saying some extremely off-colour remarks! hahaha
It later occurred to me that I should have told her "We don't get punished because we do what Daddy tells us to do." haha *shakes head* Too funny.
And one more thing...
John is on the Dean's List at STC. He even takes notes for disadvantaged students. He's such a nerd.
My mom will be here soon. Like... in 2 hours. Or less. She'll be staying... indefinitely. On one hand... this is a good thing. It's good for her because she's out of Florida and away from Brad and that whole situation. She's away from Kevin and his craziness. She can start fresh and get on with her life. Her behavior lately has been downright embarrassing. I don't think I will ever forgive her for the phone call she made a few months ago where she got drunk and drove into the Everglades in the middle of the night... then proceeded to get lost... and lose her keys. Then she called me and proceeded to wail into the phone... sobbing hysterically. What am I supposed to do in that situation? The funny thing about it all is... John found where she was. Sorta. She said that she could hear a train... so John went to MapQuest and found the railroad tracks going out to Okeechobee. At least we would have had a starting place to look. I wanted to call the cops... but... what do I say? My crazy drunk mother is lost in the Everglades... oh... and she can't find the keys to her truck. I had visions of some John Wayne Gacy type having a good time with her. WTF?! URGH! Why does she do this to me?
I am still mad at her for giving away 2 of my dogs and 2 of my cats and going back to Brad's in the first place. It was a desperate measure. She wanted closure... revenge... reconciliation... Well... here it is a year and a half later... and she's worse off than she was a year ago. She's gotten rid of most of her belongings. It broke her heart when she sold her horses (which I told her was a foolish move to begin with). On one level... I can look at her as a woman and say... wow! You've been through some shit! I see your hurt and I want to make you feel better. On the other hand... I am highly annoyed with her and I just want to smack her in the head and say... You dumb ass bitch! You should have listened to me! This is all her fault and she's turned so many people's lives upside down. I am angry with her for drinking. She was doing so good for so long... and now she has completely fallen apart. I don't know what to do for her. I want to punch her in the nose. That's how much she's hurt me.
And now I have to live with her. I didn't bother to make room for her. Or to clean up anything. She gets to see what mental state I am in right now. I'm so fucked up in the head... and she's so fucked up in the head. All I can say is... it's a good thing John works at a hotel right now.
And I feel bad... because I have such a negative attitude about how this is all going to work out. But I can only go on past performance and quite honestly... I don't need any more upheaval in my life right now. She's going to critique the way I live my life... she's going to lecture me about my weight... she's going to lecture me about my health...
It makes me feel kind of selfish to write this shit down... but it's my Journal dammit. So yeah... it is all about me.
And then I become the martyr... then I loathe myself... *shakes head*
So... you see why I stop writing sometimes? Because I can't stand to see the utter shit that comes out of my head.
On a good note... heh
I got a raise on Monday. And a new title... WebMistress. *laugh* It was everything I could do to not make an off-colour comment when Mike told me that.
And on a similar note:
Out of the mouths of babes...
Last week Mike came out of the back office with a boxful of tripod quick release plates. He plopped the box on the counter and told us what to do with the contents. His 8-year-old daughter quipped... "I see my Daddy treats you like he treats us. Except you don't get punished!" I almost died laughing. I literally had to pinch myself to stop myself from saying some extremely off-colour remarks! hahaha
It later occurred to me that I should have told her "We don't get punished because we do what Daddy tells us to do." haha *shakes head* Too funny.
And one more thing...
John is on the Dean's List at STC. He even takes notes for disadvantaged students. He's such a nerd.