"love is a terrible thing to leave"

[msanachronistic]

i'm considering leaving the country again for an extended amount of time. i now have free places to stay until i get on my feet which makes it all too pleasingly possible. my only problems are school, work, and him. school, i could put off yet again and feel like more of a failure. work, i could find another job quick i guess. him, i can't replace. i've been feeling so selfish lately that it's altering my perspective on this. he won't wait for me very long. he thinks i'm running away from something. maybe from school and work. but not from him. jesus not from him. i'm in love with an overly romantic lifestyle and i'm in love with him. can i have my cake and eat it too, at least on this one? i think leaving would make me really happy, but in the process i'd be letting down myself and my best friend. is it possible to simultaneously lift and break your heart? i don't know if my heart can handle it.

will i be heartbroken if i stay or happy if i go? i have no answers to any of my questions.