Spike, Spuffy, and stuff.
Note: The purpose of this entry is to explain why I feel as I feel about canon Spuffy, and Spike in general. I don't think a lot of people get they whys and the hows...and maybe they don't care. That's fine, but I wanted to post this anyway--probably more for myself than anyone...I've discovered some things, working on this new story...also some recent entries from others and discussions--they come into play too.
Yeah…find yourself falling for someone, and they use it against you. Get under your skin-deeper still-into your very core. Destroying who you thought you were; all that you were…leaving you a hollow, burnt shell of yourself to the point where you don’t even know who you are anymore.
...So, that's an excerpt I'd recently written for my short story. A couple of days ago, I wrote that, and then, I made this [once] private voice post:
Click the link, since apparently, access is denied from my once "private" setting...
Let me finish that thought here since I got cut off there.
"...at least not physically."
What I was going to go on to say, was that I have lashed out verbally and attacked those who have hurt me. Anyway, the long and short of that is that I get being that vulnerable because I have been that vulnerable. I get losing yourself when you're so wrapped up in someone else who probably wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. I get spiraling down because of love, and not knowing yourself or your own self worth. Nevermind identifying with Spike--hell, I've been Spike. His weaknesses then piss me off now, even though I myself have been that weak. I get it, but I choose to not be vulnerable--not like that--ever again.
I get being with someone that can just utterly break you down, and it makes me feel so much for him.
I also get more or less being told that you aren't good enough--could never be good enough, because you are an other. Your feelings aren't real and/or don't matter...That your pain is inconsequential; to be not relevant due to X,Y and Z or because you don't have A, B and C...it's bullshit, yes, but it happens.
Buffy, in those circumstances and with those writers, made Spike weak. I don't like Spike being weak. Some may disagree, but even Marsters himself thought so, and there was no one who was more inside the head of this character than him. Hell, he has the therapist to prove it.
Spike had been emotionally destroyed that season. AYW probably has one of the better examples of this. The imagery at the very end...it's beautiful, poetic, and also tragic. That lower level of spike's crypt--destroyed, burned and hollow--that's foreshadowing right there. That's showing us what's become of Spike; all of the color and warmth is gone. He's been utterly decimated.
Yeah--I know where he lives...
Yeah…find yourself falling for someone, and they use it against you. Get under your skin-deeper still-into your very core. Destroying who you thought you were; all that you were…leaving you a hollow, burnt shell of yourself to the point where you don’t even know who you are anymore.
...So, that's an excerpt I'd recently written for my short story. A couple of days ago, I wrote that, and then, I made this [once] private voice post:
Click the link, since apparently, access is denied from my once "private" setting...
Let me finish that thought here since I got cut off there.
"...at least not physically."
What I was going to go on to say, was that I have lashed out verbally and attacked those who have hurt me. Anyway, the long and short of that is that I get being that vulnerable because I have been that vulnerable. I get losing yourself when you're so wrapped up in someone else who probably wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire. I get spiraling down because of love, and not knowing yourself or your own self worth. Nevermind identifying with Spike--hell, I've been Spike. His weaknesses then piss me off now, even though I myself have been that weak. I get it, but I choose to not be vulnerable--not like that--ever again.
I get being with someone that can just utterly break you down, and it makes me feel so much for him.
I also get more or less being told that you aren't good enough--could never be good enough, because you are an other. Your feelings aren't real and/or don't matter...That your pain is inconsequential; to be not relevant due to X,Y and Z or because you don't have A, B and C...it's bullshit, yes, but it happens.
Buffy, in those circumstances and with those writers, made Spike weak. I don't like Spike being weak. Some may disagree, but even Marsters himself thought so, and there was no one who was more inside the head of this character than him. Hell, he has the therapist to prove it.
Spike had been emotionally destroyed that season. AYW probably has one of the better examples of this. The imagery at the very end...it's beautiful, poetic, and also tragic. That lower level of spike's crypt--destroyed, burned and hollow--that's foreshadowing right there. That's showing us what's become of Spike; all of the color and warmth is gone. He's been utterly decimated.
Yeah--I know where he lives...