Calling it what it is...
Note: A sparse few of you will know what I'm referring to, but most of you won't. For those that don't just know that I got into a discussion about the male gaze, the female gaze, season six, and Marsters. This entry is an explanational rant, but it should make sense.
Warning: May ruin season six Spike nekidness for you.
Posting this in my own LJ cause I don't want anyone accusing me of flaming them or making them all headachey and wah wah wah just for having a different opinion, and defending said different opinion.
Short skirts in the mid to late nineties had nothing to do with the male gaze--it was just a fashion trend, like butterfly hair clips, thongs, knee highs and plaid. Back then, the skirts were shorter while the waists on jeans were higher, and now the skirts are longer while the waists of jeans are lower.
I'm not saying the male gaze doesn't exist--it does. That film with Halle Berry, Travolta and Hugh Jackman is a perfect example (can't remember the fucking name for the life of me...). I mean, seriously, no black woman is purposely going to go sunbathing--it just ain't gonna happen. Totally unrealistic tit shot there. Anyway, I'm just saying that sometimes, women utilize it purposely to be noticed. Hell, I do. And I feel no guilt or shame for it either. Who honestly doesn't want to look attractive or sexy or be provocative from time to time? And none of these adjectives correlate to skanky or slutty, by the way. That's a whole other vibe and look.
And I feel like at this point, saying that the male infected media holds women back or gives women subliminal messages to make us think a certain way...yeah, I don't buy it. No one has to be a sheeple. Yes, it exists, and it has a similar effect as mob mentality, yada yada, but we still have the choice to buy into it or not. Hey, I don't enjoy eating bullshit for breakfast, but some just...gobble it up whole. I do not agree with blaming the media for decisions I make in my life, or what someone makes in theirs (like when folks tried to blame the Columbine shootings on Marilyn Manson and violent video games...Yeah, no. And a bit of a tangent but not--go watch "Bowling for Columbine" like now. For reals). The "training/conditioning" or whatever--I have a brain, and I use it. I suppose it's because the media has told me lots of things that I "should be," but I didn't bother to care. I should be lighter (as in my skin), and should therefore buy skin lightening products (yes, they exist). I should be shorter so I can be cute. Though I will admit that yes, I did want to be thinner. Not so much anymore (just more toned, perhaps). That I should be loud and use slang because after all, that's how (most) blacks are. Or that if I was really proud to be an African American, I'd have a natural or braids or dreads, and relaxed hair is really me being ashamed. If I listened to the media on how I should be, I'd have a ton of random, casual sex (And hey, if you do cause you like it, I'm not knocking it. Just saying that this is one of the messages portrayed in the media that I don't do, cause I'm all "Whatever, whatever! I do what I want!"). All that, and a ton of other stuff.
And while it's true I'm a big ass Marsters fan (surprise, surprise), and it also being true I get defensive when people try to talk smack about him (or Tarantino, or Angelina and Brad), my defense of him in regards to how difficult working season six was, with the nudity and the storyline and not diminishing that trauma to a simple "whining" doesn't have as much to do with my being a fan of his as one may think.
It's called sympathy and empathy.
Someone who gets told the not so joyous news that they have to parade around in just a sock when they don't want to, and has to deal with an unprofessional crew and co star, and is made fun of, sexually harassed, a someone who didn't even want to look at themselves in the mirror and developed eating disorders because of those incidents...yeah, I'll get defensive. I have a heart. Sue me. And no, I don't care how much money he was paid for it. Sue me some more.
The thing is this--this isn't about a female gaze and me being all pissy about it. I'm a heterosexual female--I dig the female gaze. I am not offended or put off by the female gaze. My issue is what occurred behind the scenes. Well wait, okay--did it have to be so flipping gratuitous? Xander and Anya had all kinds of wild, kinky sex, but how many times did Nic have to prance around in a sock? Zero. Zero much. Yeah. Also, context is key. I'm sure people weren't turned on at Spike being stripped bare in "Hellbound." Or at least I wasn't.
That, and sorry, but sexual harassment isn't my bag--it doesn't turn me on. That leaves all that season six nakedness tainted for me--I cannot ignore its origins. This isn't about how Spike was exposed--Spike the fictional character. We're talking about a person. So connecting someone's extreme discomfort to the female gaze of the show...yeah, there's a huge disconnect for me. They do not go hand in hand. I don't see why some are trying to make them go hand in hand...Comparing that to someone wearing a trendy mini skirt or hey--Nic Brendan's slow pan upward/close up shot in "Go Fish" is not the same thing. At all. Please stop trying to make these wacky comparisons, cause they make no sense.
Early on in your career, were you ever asked to anything embarrassing or compromising to get a role?(9-03 DragonCon) Well, yeah. You know, actually, that brings up an interesting point. For film, which I have less experience in than in stage in which I have a lot more, you're often asked to do things that you're very uncomfortable doing. Either nudity or, for me, it's enacting sexual violence against women, I can't do that. But on stage, you get to choose if you WANT to do that or not. If the script makes it worth it… if what's being said is important enough that you want to put yourself through that. And what I find so disconcerting about television is that I have no choice at all. I have to show up at whatever time they tell me, day or night, five days a week - there's no off time. I have to wear or not wear whatever they tell me and do or not do to whomever they tell me, whatever they tell me to do. And that makes me feel (pauses, sighs) like a whore… frankly. No offense to prostitutes; we appreciate your work. But… (laughs, hangs head down, shakes head, and laughs more)… That's the thing I trip on most of all. And it's getting to the point where even taking my shirt off, even if I have pants, you know, "Cut" and I just wrap the towel around me (motions wrapping a towel, covering himself up, kind of curling up into himself and shaking head). I don't have any problem with my body. It's just that I didn't choose to do that. I was forced to, and even when I look at the scripts and they are talking about things that are real -- it's not just fluff, these writers are really trying to explore themselves honestly within the metaphor of the show -- but somehow, once my choice is taken away, that somehow changes it. Yeah, so you know, I'm proud of everything but it's hard to me. But, yeah, there are… I've done… It's mostly nudity.
(6-03 The Harvest) It was weird. I find it is one thing doing nudity on stage, before, and it’s one thing to choose a project that has nudity in it , something that you’d go that extra mile for, it’s a very different thing when you are contractually obligated to show up whenever they call you…and do, whatever they tell you to do. That is a very strange place to be in. and I found it very uncomfortable because…plus I was the only one who did it. I was the only one who ever…oftentimes there’s someone else in those scenes so you’ve got someone else to hold on to…no one else knew what I was going through. Sarah was always fully clothed (imitates Sarah titter). The crew were as cool (or did he say ‘cruel’?) as crews can be (laughter)…I was such an easy target… it was such a long day. It was really uncomfortable. Especially as I was the only naked one. Sarah kept on laughing at me.
(6-04 Moonlight Rising) I didn’t use to have a problem with nudity. I could drop my pants at any time, but after having gone through that season, I’m a changed man. It was not fun in any stretch of the imagination. It was really, REALLY hard, because Sarah was always fully clothed. It’s the ultimate nightmare, guys. You show up to work, you’re naked, no one else is, and they laugh at you. Sarah was MERCILESS. She’s got gloves on. She’s got a scarf… It’s humiliating on a very deep level. Seriously. I would go home in tears. (hugs himself protectively).
I don't think it's possible to rectify past wrongs by subjecting parties not involved to walk a mile or so in someone else's shoes. Well, it's possible to make someone do that--I just don't think it's right. We learn history so as not to repeat it. But we shouldn't make others on the opposite side of the line (a theoretical line, since we're talking about history and not the present. Maybe "descendant from parties who were on the opposite side of the line" would be more accurate...) repeat history from the oppressed parties perspective so that they can learn it first hand. Well we could, but I think that's cruel and unusual. If everyone had to go through a bunch of shit just to get where someone else was coming from or where someone else came from, we'd all be in some kind of hell right now.
I'm just tired of the yada vs. blah bullshit. If you're not one hundred percent for this, then you clearly must be against it nonsense. Nothing is ever that simple--things are layered and complex and you can't just lump people into groups. Like reverse racism, I am also against reverse sexism. I don't believe in amping up the power of one group to diminish that of another. I don't believe in tipping the scales and going "neener--serves you right!/bout time we got some of our own back!"--
I believe in equality. For everyone.
Warning: May ruin season six Spike nekidness for you.
Posting this in my own LJ cause I don't want anyone accusing me of flaming them or making them all headachey and wah wah wah just for having a different opinion, and defending said different opinion.
Short skirts in the mid to late nineties had nothing to do with the male gaze--it was just a fashion trend, like butterfly hair clips, thongs, knee highs and plaid. Back then, the skirts were shorter while the waists on jeans were higher, and now the skirts are longer while the waists of jeans are lower.
I'm not saying the male gaze doesn't exist--it does. That film with Halle Berry, Travolta and Hugh Jackman is a perfect example (can't remember the fucking name for the life of me...). I mean, seriously, no black woman is purposely going to go sunbathing--it just ain't gonna happen. Totally unrealistic tit shot there. Anyway, I'm just saying that sometimes, women utilize it purposely to be noticed. Hell, I do. And I feel no guilt or shame for it either. Who honestly doesn't want to look attractive or sexy or be provocative from time to time? And none of these adjectives correlate to skanky or slutty, by the way. That's a whole other vibe and look.
And I feel like at this point, saying that the male infected media holds women back or gives women subliminal messages to make us think a certain way...yeah, I don't buy it. No one has to be a sheeple. Yes, it exists, and it has a similar effect as mob mentality, yada yada, but we still have the choice to buy into it or not. Hey, I don't enjoy eating bullshit for breakfast, but some just...gobble it up whole. I do not agree with blaming the media for decisions I make in my life, or what someone makes in theirs (like when folks tried to blame the Columbine shootings on Marilyn Manson and violent video games...Yeah, no. And a bit of a tangent but not--go watch "Bowling for Columbine" like now. For reals). The "training/conditioning" or whatever--I have a brain, and I use it. I suppose it's because the media has told me lots of things that I "should be," but I didn't bother to care. I should be lighter (as in my skin), and should therefore buy skin lightening products (yes, they exist). I should be shorter so I can be cute. Though I will admit that yes, I did want to be thinner. Not so much anymore (just more toned, perhaps). That I should be loud and use slang because after all, that's how (most) blacks are. Or that if I was really proud to be an African American, I'd have a natural or braids or dreads, and relaxed hair is really me being ashamed. If I listened to the media on how I should be, I'd have a ton of random, casual sex (And hey, if you do cause you like it, I'm not knocking it. Just saying that this is one of the messages portrayed in the media that I don't do, cause I'm all "Whatever, whatever! I do what I want!"). All that, and a ton of other stuff.
And while it's true I'm a big ass Marsters fan (surprise, surprise), and it also being true I get defensive when people try to talk smack about him (or Tarantino, or Angelina and Brad), my defense of him in regards to how difficult working season six was, with the nudity and the storyline and not diminishing that trauma to a simple "whining" doesn't have as much to do with my being a fan of his as one may think.
It's called sympathy and empathy.
Someone who gets told the not so joyous news that they have to parade around in just a sock when they don't want to, and has to deal with an unprofessional crew and co star, and is made fun of, sexually harassed, a someone who didn't even want to look at themselves in the mirror and developed eating disorders because of those incidents...yeah, I'll get defensive. I have a heart. Sue me. And no, I don't care how much money he was paid for it. Sue me some more.
The thing is this--this isn't about a female gaze and me being all pissy about it. I'm a heterosexual female--I dig the female gaze. I am not offended or put off by the female gaze. My issue is what occurred behind the scenes. Well wait, okay--did it have to be so flipping gratuitous? Xander and Anya had all kinds of wild, kinky sex, but how many times did Nic have to prance around in a sock? Zero. Zero much. Yeah. Also, context is key. I'm sure people weren't turned on at Spike being stripped bare in "Hellbound." Or at least I wasn't.
That, and sorry, but sexual harassment isn't my bag--it doesn't turn me on. That leaves all that season six nakedness tainted for me--I cannot ignore its origins. This isn't about how Spike was exposed--Spike the fictional character. We're talking about a person. So connecting someone's extreme discomfort to the female gaze of the show...yeah, there's a huge disconnect for me. They do not go hand in hand. I don't see why some are trying to make them go hand in hand...Comparing that to someone wearing a trendy mini skirt or hey--Nic Brendan's slow pan upward/close up shot in "Go Fish" is not the same thing. At all. Please stop trying to make these wacky comparisons, cause they make no sense.
Early on in your career, were you ever asked to anything embarrassing or compromising to get a role?(9-03 DragonCon) Well, yeah. You know, actually, that brings up an interesting point. For film, which I have less experience in than in stage in which I have a lot more, you're often asked to do things that you're very uncomfortable doing. Either nudity or, for me, it's enacting sexual violence against women, I can't do that. But on stage, you get to choose if you WANT to do that or not. If the script makes it worth it… if what's being said is important enough that you want to put yourself through that. And what I find so disconcerting about television is that I have no choice at all. I have to show up at whatever time they tell me, day or night, five days a week - there's no off time. I have to wear or not wear whatever they tell me and do or not do to whomever they tell me, whatever they tell me to do. And that makes me feel (pauses, sighs) like a whore… frankly. No offense to prostitutes; we appreciate your work. But… (laughs, hangs head down, shakes head, and laughs more)… That's the thing I trip on most of all. And it's getting to the point where even taking my shirt off, even if I have pants, you know, "Cut" and I just wrap the towel around me (motions wrapping a towel, covering himself up, kind of curling up into himself and shaking head). I don't have any problem with my body. It's just that I didn't choose to do that. I was forced to, and even when I look at the scripts and they are talking about things that are real -- it's not just fluff, these writers are really trying to explore themselves honestly within the metaphor of the show -- but somehow, once my choice is taken away, that somehow changes it. Yeah, so you know, I'm proud of everything but it's hard to me. But, yeah, there are… I've done… It's mostly nudity.
(6-03 The Harvest) It was weird. I find it is one thing doing nudity on stage, before, and it’s one thing to choose a project that has nudity in it , something that you’d go that extra mile for, it’s a very different thing when you are contractually obligated to show up whenever they call you…and do, whatever they tell you to do. That is a very strange place to be in. and I found it very uncomfortable because…plus I was the only one who did it. I was the only one who ever…oftentimes there’s someone else in those scenes so you’ve got someone else to hold on to…no one else knew what I was going through. Sarah was always fully clothed (imitates Sarah titter). The crew were as cool (or did he say ‘cruel’?) as crews can be (laughter)…I was such an easy target… it was such a long day. It was really uncomfortable. Especially as I was the only naked one. Sarah kept on laughing at me.
(6-04 Moonlight Rising) I didn’t use to have a problem with nudity. I could drop my pants at any time, but after having gone through that season, I’m a changed man. It was not fun in any stretch of the imagination. It was really, REALLY hard, because Sarah was always fully clothed. It’s the ultimate nightmare, guys. You show up to work, you’re naked, no one else is, and they laugh at you. Sarah was MERCILESS. She’s got gloves on. She’s got a scarf… It’s humiliating on a very deep level. Seriously. I would go home in tears. (hugs himself protectively).
I don't think it's possible to rectify past wrongs by subjecting parties not involved to walk a mile or so in someone else's shoes. Well, it's possible to make someone do that--I just don't think it's right. We learn history so as not to repeat it. But we shouldn't make others on the opposite side of the line (a theoretical line, since we're talking about history and not the present. Maybe "descendant from parties who were on the opposite side of the line" would be more accurate...) repeat history from the oppressed parties perspective so that they can learn it first hand. Well we could, but I think that's cruel and unusual. If everyone had to go through a bunch of shit just to get where someone else was coming from or where someone else came from, we'd all be in some kind of hell right now.
I'm just tired of the yada vs. blah bullshit. If you're not one hundred percent for this, then you clearly must be against it nonsense. Nothing is ever that simple--things are layered and complex and you can't just lump people into groups. Like reverse racism, I am also against reverse sexism. I don't believe in amping up the power of one group to diminish that of another. I don't believe in tipping the scales and going "neener--serves you right!/bout time we got some of our own back!"--
I believe in equality. For everyone.