The "not rape" epidemic

[ms_daisy_cutter]

Trigger warning.

I'm too sleep-deprived right now to add much in the way of original commentary. Other than that (a) the fact that one has done sex work before does not mean one should thus be "up for anything," because there's no such thing as permanent consent; (b) there's no proof Wilkinson "shopped her tape around," but if she did, at least

Comments

[maga_culinae]

Not rape was feeling the same group of boys grope you between classes, day after day after day.

I had this happen to me. His father was the city attorney, and he was a football player. Me? Just some white trash band rat. We tried reporting it (I wasn't the only girl to whom this happened), only to have it swept under the carpet by the administrators. The teachers could do nothing, because they did not have back up. The school board was the same way--nothing done.

We took it to the guy's parents. His dad laughed it off...and so did his mother. "Boys will be boys" is not a proper response when you are told that your son is molesting and sexually harassing his fellow students. His harassment of me did not end until I was forced to get physical and literally flip the asshole over my shoulder.

The real shitter here? His mother is now the mayor, and has been fucking up left and right. I have no evidence other than memories of what her son did to me and some of our peers, so I can expose nothing, but I hope she gets her comeuppance.

[ginasketch]

This happened to me too. This I am willing to talk about in public. I got groped nearly every day at school, had guys trying to look down my top. I told my Mum and she actually went up the them and said "If you fucking touch my daughter again I'll call the police." They stopped for about a week and then started up again.

We told the principal etc and an hour long talk was given to the boys about how they should respect women's bodies.

They stopped for a week and started again. It was pretty goddamn obvious they stopped because they were afraid, not because they cared.

Even today if someone brushes against me on the tube by accident I have to fight the urge to punch them.

[maga_culinae]

Yeah... I have hella issues stemming from it, as well. Body image and self-esteem issues that my boyfriend is still trying to help me through, seven years later.

[ms_daisy_cutter]

Your BF sounds like a great guy.

I don't know that any woman in Western culture doesn't end up with some body issues. Certainly being slim and conventionally pretty doesn't protect one from them. I've been anywhere from chunky to fat since I was seven, and I still got unwanted attention (to clarify, not until adolescence). I can't imagine being, say, a slim 10-year-old girl who's developed early and is getting grown-ass men following her or shouting things at her.

[ginasketch]

Happened to me. I'm not sure if I should go into detail as this is unlocked. I could if my comment was screened.

[ms_daisy_cutter]

The post being unlocked, it's probably better if you didn't. If it were screened, I'd be the only one besides you who could see it.

I got groped in junior high school (less so in high school) myself. It's extremely common, and obviously there are still a lot of people who don't take it seriously.

[ginasketch]

I was referring to other things actually...

I talked about the groping above.

[ms_daisy_cutter]

Sorry, got your meaning now.

[arthur_sc_king]

Shit.

And I hadn't heard much about the sex tape, but if she's that obviously uncomfortable, then buddy should have turned off the damn camera.

Shit.

[ms_daisy_cutter]

The whole thing is so headache- and angry-making. Adding another dimension to it has been the people harping on how unattractive the guy is. As if it'd be OK if he were "hot." WTF, no.

[happiestsadist]

Some people are only happy when they're clearly not consenting and they have a nice little souvenir to enjoy of it.

[arthur_sc_king]

I honestly don't think (= really hope) I could ever do it when my partner wasn't fully consenting. PRETENDING that she wasn't consenting might be a different kettle of fish, but not consenting would make me wilt.

Damn shame that's not true of everyone.

[auronsgirl]

I won't recount my litany of incidents, but to me what hurt the most was taking the blame from my mother, sister and other adults. I never felt that there was anywhere I could go to be truly safe, or be heard. All I wanted was for one person to say "It's not your fault" but that didn't happen.

[ms_daisy_cutter]

{{{{{AG}}}}}

[chance_medley]

I'm sorry :/. I know it's a bit late, but it wasn't your fault.

[kankurette]

It happened to me too. A boy in my year stuck his hand up my skirt as I was going to class, and I was too weirded out to do anything. A couple of years later, I had a nasty incident in a club where this guy got up close and personal, and I let him finger me. We went outside the club at one point and I wanted to go back in, but he wouldn't let go of my hand and I nearly got run over trying to drag myself away. Then we went back in and he kept fingering me, despite me telling him to stop, and only stopped when my male friend told him to fuck off. Sadly, I feel guilty cos I initiated it.

[ms_daisy_cutter]

:(

[happiestsadist]

It's not your fault. You agreed to him fingering you once. Doesn't mean consent for anything else.

[kankurette]

Thanks, hun.