Where I was. Where I am. Where I'm going.
This is a post I should have written a long time ago, but I hesitated. I wasn't sure if it would cause more drama than it resolved. But, in light of some wank that's been going on here, I think I might as well write it.
As of late May 2010, this is now unlocked, but I am leaving comments disabled because this is not open for discussion.
Many of you know me from other internet fora, most notably alt.tasteless. In fact, I joined LJ as part of the exodus from a.t after it got overrun by spammers and cross-posters.
If you're from a.t and you're able to read this, I consider you a friend. I may not agree with you on everything, I may actually argue intensively with you at times, but you're a fine person and I'm glad to know you.
The thing is... I'm not the same person who started reading a.t and commenting there ten years ago.
Hell, I'm not even the same person I was two years ago.
Why did I change from an angry, misanthropic libertarian to a liberal who's still angry but who has qualified her still-extant misanthropy considerably?
Various reasons. Some of them aren't ones I want to discuss here.
But I think that moving out of the pressure cooker of urban Massachusetts, up to a place that's greener and quieter and more laid-back, has helped me dissolve some of my defenses. (Ironic, isn't it, that I relocated to New Hampshire because it was more libertarian? And that it's gotten bluer and bluer ever since - mainly because of natives, not Massholes in exile?)
And, really, the last eight and a half years should be an object lesson to anyone that I, and millions of other people, were very, very wrong.
But not only have I changed my mind about political policy per se. I've changed it about the sorts of sentiments I'm comfortable with hearing, and the sorts of sentiments I can really do without.
I was never happy with the openly racist and misogynist commentary often seen in a.t. But, until the last few years, I let it all slide, because I never really grasped that - no matter where you stand on the freedom-of-speech issue - eliminationist language is not purely harmless.
It shouldn't surprise anyone here that I'm a staunch feminist. But I've also been trying to put myself in the shoes of others who aren't like me as best I can.
I'm very grateful that I've got not only friends from a.t who called me on my shit, like jblaque and sandman008 and ygrii_blop, when I was doing things like blaming poor people and Katrina victims. Saying eliminationist things, really.
But I'm also intensely grateful for my friends who put up with my shit and never said a word, even though I'm sure they were fuming at times.
I'm also humbly grateful that I have friends - "in real life" as well as online - who have lived very different experiences than I have. Having had to deal with other people's racism. Gay bashing. Homelessness. Prison. Drug addiction. Sexual assault/abuse (men and women alike). Having been more severely afflicted with mental illness than I ever was. Injuries, disabilities. Having nearly died.
If any of that sounds condescending, I apologize. I am trying to get across that despite having dealt with things that have left me with permanent PTSD and earned me a few visits to the psych hospital, overall I've been very, very sheltered, and - in some ways - fortunate.
What I'm trying to say is that while I consider many of my fellow a.t'ers good friends, so are many of the folks I didn't meet 'til I got to LJ. And "in real life" as well as online. Although, IMO, online isn't an alternative to real life but a supplement of it.
I am not requesting that this place become a "safe space." Jesus, fuck that noise. Nor am I saying that y'all can't argue with one another. As you all know, I'm an argumentative pain in the ass, and I wouldn't ask any of you to do something I'm unwilling to do.
But I don't want to see any sort of crap that can be fairly described by a word with -ist on the end. To me, that's not "political correctness." That's just being decent - and realizing that "we're not all white here" (ugh), either literally or figuratively.
Not just slurs, obviously, but doing things like pulling "theories" of how other people are or should be straight out of one's ass (or someone else's ass), then arguing with such other people repeatedly when they tell you, "Uh, I've lived this and you haven't. You're wrong."
And, obviously, pressing the issue after I've told you repeatedly to drop it.
Oh, and yeah, complete and total bullshit. Don't tell me that vaccines cause autism, that Obama is a secret Kenyan Muslim, or that the U.S. economy is sound. You will be laughed at without pity.
If you've read this, and you've realized that I'm no longer your cup of tea... well, I'm not telling you to GTFO. But if you don't feel comfortable here, you are welcome to defriend me. I will not berate or shame you for it, and - depending on how long I've known you - I will try not to take it personally. You wouldn't be the first person I've known for a while who dropped me over differences of opinion. It happens. I think it's better to part company amicably than to stick around until one or both parties says things they can't take back.
But if this essay makes you want to stay... I am, again, grateful.
- Daze
As of late May 2010, this is now unlocked, but I am leaving comments disabled because this is not open for discussion.
Many of you know me from other internet fora, most notably alt.tasteless. In fact, I joined LJ as part of the exodus from a.t after it got overrun by spammers and cross-posters.
If you're from a.t and you're able to read this, I consider you a friend. I may not agree with you on everything, I may actually argue intensively with you at times, but you're a fine person and I'm glad to know you.
The thing is... I'm not the same person who started reading a.t and commenting there ten years ago.
Hell, I'm not even the same person I was two years ago.
Why did I change from an angry, misanthropic libertarian to a liberal who's still angry but who has qualified her still-extant misanthropy considerably?
Various reasons. Some of them aren't ones I want to discuss here.
But I think that moving out of the pressure cooker of urban Massachusetts, up to a place that's greener and quieter and more laid-back, has helped me dissolve some of my defenses. (Ironic, isn't it, that I relocated to New Hampshire because it was more libertarian? And that it's gotten bluer and bluer ever since - mainly because of natives, not Massholes in exile?)
And, really, the last eight and a half years should be an object lesson to anyone that I, and millions of other people, were very, very wrong.
But not only have I changed my mind about political policy per se. I've changed it about the sorts of sentiments I'm comfortable with hearing, and the sorts of sentiments I can really do without.
I was never happy with the openly racist and misogynist commentary often seen in a.t. But, until the last few years, I let it all slide, because I never really grasped that - no matter where you stand on the freedom-of-speech issue - eliminationist language is not purely harmless.
It shouldn't surprise anyone here that I'm a staunch feminist. But I've also been trying to put myself in the shoes of others who aren't like me as best I can.
I'm very grateful that I've got not only friends from a.t who called me on my shit, like jblaque and sandman008 and ygrii_blop, when I was doing things like blaming poor people and Katrina victims. Saying eliminationist things, really.
But I'm also intensely grateful for my friends who put up with my shit and never said a word, even though I'm sure they were fuming at times.
I'm also humbly grateful that I have friends - "in real life" as well as online - who have lived very different experiences than I have. Having had to deal with other people's racism. Gay bashing. Homelessness. Prison. Drug addiction. Sexual assault/abuse (men and women alike). Having been more severely afflicted with mental illness than I ever was. Injuries, disabilities. Having nearly died.
If any of that sounds condescending, I apologize. I am trying to get across that despite having dealt with things that have left me with permanent PTSD and earned me a few visits to the psych hospital, overall I've been very, very sheltered, and - in some ways - fortunate.
What I'm trying to say is that while I consider many of my fellow a.t'ers good friends, so are many of the folks I didn't meet 'til I got to LJ. And "in real life" as well as online. Although, IMO, online isn't an alternative to real life but a supplement of it.
I am not requesting that this place become a "safe space." Jesus, fuck that noise. Nor am I saying that y'all can't argue with one another. As you all know, I'm an argumentative pain in the ass, and I wouldn't ask any of you to do something I'm unwilling to do.
But I don't want to see any sort of crap that can be fairly described by a word with -ist on the end. To me, that's not "political correctness." That's just being decent - and realizing that "we're not all white here" (ugh), either literally or figuratively.
Not just slurs, obviously, but doing things like pulling "theories" of how other people are or should be straight out of one's ass (or someone else's ass), then arguing with such other people repeatedly when they tell you, "Uh, I've lived this and you haven't. You're wrong."
And, obviously, pressing the issue after I've told you repeatedly to drop it.
Oh, and yeah, complete and total bullshit. Don't tell me that vaccines cause autism, that Obama is a secret Kenyan Muslim, or that the U.S. economy is sound. You will be laughed at without pity.
If you've read this, and you've realized that I'm no longer your cup of tea... well, I'm not telling you to GTFO. But if you don't feel comfortable here, you are welcome to defriend me. I will not berate or shame you for it, and - depending on how long I've known you - I will try not to take it personally. You wouldn't be the first person I've known for a while who dropped me over differences of opinion. It happens. I think it's better to part company amicably than to stick around until one or both parties says things they can't take back.
But if this essay makes you want to stay... I am, again, grateful.
- Daze