A letter from Portland (My First fanfic, Please be Gentle!)
When I first came, he unnerved me. His quick thinking and his steely coolness. He was untouchable. The only time he ever really lost the outer cover was when he was with Alex, or at the book club. Ah, the bookclub. When I first came to the island, the simplicity, the normalness of it all amused me. Now it sickens me. But I used it to try and make him look a fool. But he always turned it round, making me feel like the stupid, pointless human being I knew i wasn't. But still It was stupid of me to even try. Of course he would have the upper hand. When didn't he?
When I lost my first patient, I waited outside the room he was using as an office until he called me in. I felt like a naughty school girl. I was sorry I had disappointed him, of course I was. He had put so much faith into me and I had blown it. He had spoke to me quietly, mockingly slowly. But the small part of my brain that wasn't over run with the grief was protesting furiously. I'd tried my absolute best, hadn't I? I didn't remember me saying that I could save them all. How dare I be looked down upon in that way! And plus, i was hearing whispers, rumors. Someone called Jacob. The name creeped me out. This entire island creeped me out. I wanted more than ever to go home, to be there to see my sister go through the phases of the pregnancy I had created, to put my hand on her swollen tummy and feel the baby I has made a reality kick. i didn't want to be an aunty in a few months. I wanted to be an aunty right now.
Maybe, maybe if I could just have talked to you, wrote to you, had any contact with you, maybe things could have been different. Picket wouldn't be dead for one thing. I wouldn't have had to become a murderer.
But the nine dead women burning into the horizon, the sheer lack of news, the over-riding questions in my frustrated brain weren't good enough weapons, not for him. When he finally told me my sister had cancer again it destroyed me, destroyed anything I felt for him. Maybe, being honest, there was something there, could have been something there, but it went. It left a small flutter in my heart everytime our eyes met, everytime he said my name, but I could hide that, I was good at hiding things
The day I saw my sister, the sister I was sure was dead, on that-outdated, bleary TV screen was my happiest and saddest moment on the island.
And Julian, sweet, wonderful Julian. I longed to be there, to hold him, to laugh with him. I love you, baby, I would whisper every night before I went to sleep, I love you always. And there he was, no longer a the tiny infant I always imagined him as, all because of me.
But he knew just when to switch it off, just before I got connected to this child I had never met, this women I no longer knew. he always knew.
And then there was Jack.
Safe Jack. Dependable Jack. Perfect Jack. Spinal Surgeon Jack.
And I really fell for him. It was never the plan, but I truly did. I felt connected to him in a way I hadn't with anybody else on the island. I couldn't think of a better person to leave the island. And though my hopes were dashed once, now we really were leaving. We he finally out smarted him. Jack had finally fixed everything.
But they were bringing him back.
Ben.
And that flutter, oh I couldn't help it, but it was still there.
He'll never find a way to ruin my happy ending. I'll kill him before that happens.
This will be the last letter I write to you from this god damn island, Rach. I'll see you soon, I promise.
Juliet.
When I lost my first patient, I waited outside the room he was using as an office until he called me in. I felt like a naughty school girl. I was sorry I had disappointed him, of course I was. He had put so much faith into me and I had blown it. He had spoke to me quietly, mockingly slowly. But the small part of my brain that wasn't over run with the grief was protesting furiously. I'd tried my absolute best, hadn't I? I didn't remember me saying that I could save them all. How dare I be looked down upon in that way! And plus, i was hearing whispers, rumors. Someone called Jacob. The name creeped me out. This entire island creeped me out. I wanted more than ever to go home, to be there to see my sister go through the phases of the pregnancy I had created, to put my hand on her swollen tummy and feel the baby I has made a reality kick. i didn't want to be an aunty in a few months. I wanted to be an aunty right now.
Maybe, maybe if I could just have talked to you, wrote to you, had any contact with you, maybe things could have been different. Picket wouldn't be dead for one thing. I wouldn't have had to become a murderer.
But the nine dead women burning into the horizon, the sheer lack of news, the over-riding questions in my frustrated brain weren't good enough weapons, not for him. When he finally told me my sister had cancer again it destroyed me, destroyed anything I felt for him. Maybe, being honest, there was something there, could have been something there, but it went. It left a small flutter in my heart everytime our eyes met, everytime he said my name, but I could hide that, I was good at hiding things
The day I saw my sister, the sister I was sure was dead, on that-outdated, bleary TV screen was my happiest and saddest moment on the island.
And Julian, sweet, wonderful Julian. I longed to be there, to hold him, to laugh with him. I love you, baby, I would whisper every night before I went to sleep, I love you always. And there he was, no longer a the tiny infant I always imagined him as, all because of me.
But he knew just when to switch it off, just before I got connected to this child I had never met, this women I no longer knew. he always knew.
And then there was Jack.
Safe Jack. Dependable Jack. Perfect Jack. Spinal Surgeon Jack.
And I really fell for him. It was never the plan, but I truly did. I felt connected to him in a way I hadn't with anybody else on the island. I couldn't think of a better person to leave the island. And though my hopes were dashed once, now we really were leaving. We he finally out smarted him. Jack had finally fixed everything.
But they were bringing him back.
Ben.
And that flutter, oh I couldn't help it, but it was still there.
He'll never find a way to ruin my happy ending. I'll kill him before that happens.
This will be the last letter I write to you from this god damn island, Rach. I'll see you soon, I promise.
Juliet.