lalalalalaaaa
i dont trust myself when im in a broken down state...i think just sometimes the stress gets to me...i have been trying to suppress it and make myself think im happy..and sometimes i am...but ive realized that when i let it get too far i get stress zits which are never fun.
Looks like im stuck on this team...bleh
today i was in a good mood all day which is rare....i liked it...but i was overly sensitive to memories when i got home and watched oprah....now i know why i stopped watching it.....I guess i just miss him that's all...they had kenny chesney come on and sing that song "there goes my life" which is about a father watching his daughter grow up....and i cried. It is so undescribable what i feel when i think about him.....its a sad feeling but a very empty one....it feels like there is a hole in my chest literally...i am sad that michael never got to meet him...my father was a musician and much like michael when he was young...minus the pot and sex....i had always thought my dad was awesome...in his profession, in his music, in his words, though sometimes they could be very silly. But it wasnt until late in my life that i realized that he was one of the most flawed people ive ever loved. Even so the fact remained that i loved him and it pisses me off when my mom talks down about him...especially now that he is dead...letting things go would be a great thing for that wench. With no male figure in my life to look up to i find myself surrounding myself with guys...testosterone is something that i dont have enough of in my life...and im getting sick of women and their emotions...i know.....i am hypokritical....i am the same way, i hate that about myself.
Mom has been gone for the most part for the past couple days so that is probably a big reason for why i am happy. sigh...i shall get back to working.....i need money...obviously...
if you even knew what you do to me ;) i love you baby
Looks like im stuck on this team...bleh
today i was in a good mood all day which is rare....i liked it...but i was overly sensitive to memories when i got home and watched oprah....now i know why i stopped watching it.....I guess i just miss him that's all...they had kenny chesney come on and sing that song "there goes my life" which is about a father watching his daughter grow up....and i cried. It is so undescribable what i feel when i think about him.....its a sad feeling but a very empty one....it feels like there is a hole in my chest literally...i am sad that michael never got to meet him...my father was a musician and much like michael when he was young...minus the pot and sex....i had always thought my dad was awesome...in his profession, in his music, in his words, though sometimes they could be very silly. But it wasnt until late in my life that i realized that he was one of the most flawed people ive ever loved. Even so the fact remained that i loved him and it pisses me off when my mom talks down about him...especially now that he is dead...letting things go would be a great thing for that wench. With no male figure in my life to look up to i find myself surrounding myself with guys...testosterone is something that i dont have enough of in my life...and im getting sick of women and their emotions...i know.....i am hypokritical....i am the same way, i hate that about myself.
Mom has been gone for the most part for the past couple days so that is probably a big reason for why i am happy. sigh...i shall get back to working.....i need money...obviously...
if you even knew what you do to me ;) i love you baby