(no subject)
I haven't died. I just wish I had.
Five months without my medication. Still struggling with the insurance company to pay my bills and approve my medications. It is the stuff of which nightmares are made.
Thank God I see my doctor (actually, PA) on Wednesday. I need something to correct my chemical imbalance. I don't feel anything - good or bad - just pure emptiness. Kellie gave me the cutest Mother's Day gift that she made at nursery school and while I effluved over the gift, I was secretly thinking that I was feeling nothing. This child loves me with every ounce of her being and does heartwarming, charming things about forty six times a day, yet there is something missing in my synapses that prevents my heart from overflowing with cheer. I go through the motions of hugs and kisses and saying nice things but it is a concerted effort on part - it is not coming naturally. This is something new; my heart has puffed up with love for my children until recently. I don't even care that I'm lonely. I can't eat. I can't sleep.
Is this the beginning of my decent into madness?
Five months without my medication. Still struggling with the insurance company to pay my bills and approve my medications. It is the stuff of which nightmares are made.
Thank God I see my doctor (actually, PA) on Wednesday. I need something to correct my chemical imbalance. I don't feel anything - good or bad - just pure emptiness. Kellie gave me the cutest Mother's Day gift that she made at nursery school and while I effluved over the gift, I was secretly thinking that I was feeling nothing. This child loves me with every ounce of her being and does heartwarming, charming things about forty six times a day, yet there is something missing in my synapses that prevents my heart from overflowing with cheer. I go through the motions of hugs and kisses and saying nice things but it is a concerted effort on part - it is not coming naturally. This is something new; my heart has puffed up with love for my children until recently. I don't even care that I'm lonely. I can't eat. I can't sleep.
Is this the beginning of my decent into madness?