Going Left Around the World: Chapter 74
Title: Going Left Around the World
Author: mrs-spamlad
Pairing: Jack/Ennis
Rating: R
Feedback: have at it!
Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain and the original characters of Jack and Ennis were created by and belong to Annie Proulx. No money is being made from this- I’m just taking them out for a spin!
A/N: Hi, all! First of all, thanks for your patience during the delay in posting the next update. I got a nudge or two, which I always do appreciate, but I wasn’t able to respond. Unfortunately I have been very ill, in the hospital for a while, now trying to stay out because it’s pretty unpleasant, so I haven’t been able to do much of anything. The meds the keep me home for now make me feel awful, so there’s a lot of sleeping going on here right now.
I’m having a pretty decent day today, so I wanted to try to get this posted since it’s been such a very long time since I’ve updated. We’re so close to the end and you would think these guys would get it right by now. But just when everything seems to be going right, well… these two go left, I guess. (Haha)
Thanks again for your patience. I’ll try to have the final chapter (it’s a long one) up as soon as I can. Thanks, as always, to shieldmaid1 for her feedback on this chapter. She truly helps make it a better story. All right, I’ll shut up now and attempt to post this.
Happy reading!
jill
Chapter 74
We lazed around in bed until early afternoon when Ennis proclaimed we had to get up and showered or we’d never be back from the store in time.
I stretched and admired the view as he got up and headed for the bathroom.
“In time for what?” I asked.
“In enough time for me to make dinner,” he said as he disappeared around the corner.
I raised an eyebrow. The Ennis I knew cooked strictly via microwave, and that was when he was feeling fancy. “How much time can we possibly need to microwave pizzas?”
He shot out from the bathroom, still buck naked, his hand on his hip. “I’ll have you know that I’ve learned other things over the years besides a few tricks between the sheets and how to balance a hospital budget. And a proper béchamel sauce is something that takes some time and precision, and you’ll be enjoying a damn good one later on if you get your ass out of bed.”
My mouth fell open and I stared.
“What?” he demanded.
“Shit, you’re gay,” I said.
“Fuck off,” he said with a laugh and launched himself at me. That little scene caused an additional delay, but twenty minutes later we headed for the shower together.
An hour or so after that, we pulled into a parking spot at the grocery store and I raised yet another eyebrow.
“Whole Foods?”
“Shut up. It’s not a gay thing. They just have better stuff.”
“I didn’t say a word. And Whole Foods isn’t a gay grocery store; I know that. You may recall from last night that I’m in the club too.”
He smiled and pulled me in for a quick kiss.
“It’s just not a store I pictured you going to. I don’t know why,” I said.
“Maybe because shopping back in school meant hitting the corner store?” he said as we walked toward the entrance.
“Yeah, that might have something to do with it.”
We entered the store and he picked up a handheld basket. “I can do a little better than that now,” he said and bumped my shoulder.
We wove our way up one aisle and down the next, not talking much, Ennis looking for his ingredients and me just checking out the store. We were about halfway through when someone called out Ennis’s name and we both turned around.
My eyes popped as I watched some guy who looked like a movie star, dressed like he stepped off a fall casual page of GQ, pushing his basket our way and smiling big at Ennis.
“How have you been?” he asked when he reached us. He came over to Ennis, put a hand on his shoulder, and they pecked each other on the cheek. It was quick - barely noticeable - but for Ennis? Holy shit. And this guy? Even holier shit. I snuck a closer look at him: shiny black hair just long and tousled enough to be ridiculously trendy; chocolate brown eyes framed with lashes that had to be extensions; a perfectly straight, bright white smile; and tanned skin so smooth it looked like it didn’t even have pores.
Now I’ve never had much to complain about in the looks department; I know that. But getting a look at this dude with his hands on Ennis, pecking his cheek, touching his arm, well… fuck. I wasn’t a fan. But I tried to reserve judgement; this guy could be anyone. A coworker, a neighbor with a beautiful wife who kisses other neighbors, a kissing plumber… anyone. That lasted all of thirty seconds.
“How’ve you’ve been?” Pretty Boy asked again.
Ennis shifted, looking supremely uncomfortable. “Uh, fine, fine. Hey, Mateo, this is Jack. Jack Twist. He’s up visiting for the weekend. Jack, this is Mateo Mendez.”
Jesus Christ. He even had a movie-star-sounding name. “Nice to meet you,” I said, and shook the hand Mateo extended.
“Likewise. So, how do you two know each other?” he asked.
“Jack and I go way back,” Ennis answered. “We grew up together, went to college together.”
“Wow, that’s so great you’ve stayed in touch,” Mateo said, with the nerve to actually sound sincere. I swear he actually meant it.
“Yeah, well, we haven’t seen each other in a while. Just getting caught up,” I said. “What about you two?”
Ennis looked like he wished the Whole Grain Pasta Monster would pop off the shelf and swallow him whole. Before he could say anything, though, Mateo filled me in.
“Ennis and I were seeing each other a while back, but about six months ago this handsome creature left me crying in my wineglass.” He linked his arm with Ennis. “He let me down easy, of course, but he’s a hard one to replace.”
“You’re telling me,” I muttered.
Mateo’s eyebrows rose. “Oh, so this is a lover’s reunion?”
“Yes,” Ennis said at the same time I said, “Not really.” My eyes were still locked on their joined arms, and I knew I didn’t have any claim on Ennis but I swear I could feel the steam coming off the top of my head.
Mateo flicked his eyes from Ennis, to me, and then back. “I see,” he said slowly and disengaged himself from Ennis. “Well, I don’t mean to intrude.”
“You’re not,” Ennis said. “It was good to see you.”
“You too,” Mateo said. “I hope you both enjoy the rest of your weekend.”
I heaved a sigh. The fucker was polite even in an obviously awkward situation. I should’ve been grateful, but as he wandered off with his basket all I wanted to do was tackle him and shove kale chips in his face until his perfectly tanned skin turned green.
“Let’s go,” Ennis said, and we took off in the opposite direction of Mateo. We finished getting whatever the hell else Ennis needed without saying a word.
Once we got to the car, Ennis sat there for a few seconds before starting it up. “I guess you probably have something to say about that,” he said.
I stared out the window. “Nope.”
“No? What the fuck, Jack?”
I glanced over at him. “No, I don’t have anything to say.”
“What the hell does that mean? You always have something to say.”
“I don’t want to talk right now, okay?” I shouted.
“Fine.” He started the car and we headed back to his place.
We went our separate ways for a bit once we were back at Ennis’s place. He took his groceries to the kitchen and I went up to the bedroom. I flopped onto the bed and stared at the ceiling for a while and tried to talk myself down. It wasn’t working. Logically I knew Ennis was entitled to his romantic past - hell, he’d met a member of mine who was a lot more recent. But my head was just generally fucked up and Mateo could just get in line with the rest of the shit that was messing with me. I’d spent the night fucking Ennis but it felt like more than just fucking. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d told me about the conversation he’d had with my mom, and what he asked about the time after we broke up. And I felt like I was drowning in the strangeness of this whole getting-to-know you thing we were doing.
It was like that feeling you get when you go up to someone you think you recognize and tap them on the shoulder or say hi, and the person turns around and it’s someone else. I was looking at him like, oh, sorry, I thought I knew you, but I guess not. Except I did. But only sort of.
I couldn’t lie still anymore so I got up and started picking up my things and shoving them into my bag. I wasn’t planning to pack my shit and stomp out; it was just something to do with my hands. But that was the lucky moment Ennis chose to come looking for me.
“What the fuck is this?” he said from the doorway.
I looked down at the shirt in my hand and shrugged. “Nothing. I was just
--”
He came into the room and started pacing. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You promised me you weren’t going to do this.”
I tossed the shirt into my bag. “Do what?”
“Overthink things. Think your way out of us. Like twelve hours ago!”
“Jesus, Ennis, will you shut the fuck up? I’m not doing that.”
“It looks to me like you’re packing your shit and leaving.”
“Well at least you recognize it even when you’re on the other end of it,” I snapped. I sucked in a breath, surprised. I had no idea that was about to come out of my mouth.
Ennis stared at me for a few seconds, then swallowed hard. “So this is some kind of revenge or something? Jesus, that’s fucked up.”
I sat down on the edge of the bed and pressed my fingers to my eyes. “No. It’s not. I didn’t mean that. I don’t know what the hell I mean.”
He sat down beside me and sighed. “Are you ever really going to be able to get past all that? Me leaving and everything.”
I shrugged. “It depends on the day. Last night I would’ve said yeah, we’ll get there. Today….”
He looked at me, his expression pained. “What the hell happened today?”
“I don’t know. Last night was so good, and what you told me about Mom - it’s just got me kind of off, I guess. And getting used to you…. Jesus, you’re so fucking different. Most of the time it’s good, but sometimes it’s hard to see. To know what I missed. And then there’s fucking Mateo.”
He jerked his head up. “Mateo? What does he have to do with this?”
I rolled my eyes. “Please. That guy is gorgeous. Like knock-your-eyes-out gorgeous. I didn’t realize you were running around dating soap opera stars, or models, or mannequins, or whatever the fuck he is, but -”
“He’s a masseuse,” Ennis interjected.
I laughed out loud. “Well, that’s just fucking great. Your ex- is a smoking hot masseuse. Awesome.”
“So? You were dating a guy who’s ten years younger than us a month ago!” he shot back.
“That’s different. Brad didn’t mean anything.”
“Neither did Matt.”
“Oh, now he’s Matt?” I asked.
Ennis stood and started pacing again. “Who gives a fuck what his name is? We’re not together! Why don’t you just cut the bullshit and admit that you’re looking for a reason for this not to happen?”
I leapt up and into his path, just inches from his face. “I wouldn’t have to look too fucking far, would I?”
“Not from that comfy spot in the past you’ve carved out for yourself,” he ground out.
For a split second I thought I might hit him, but it passed quickly. I turned and grabbed my mostly-packed bag. “Fuck you. I don’t need this shit.”
I stormed out of the room and down the stairs, snagging my car keys off the table by the door. I heard him call, “Goddamnit, Jack, wait!” but I didn’t. I put my shit in the car and I left. I even saw him in the doorway as I pulled away. And I learned one important thing: the view is no better when you’re the one driving away.
I cranked the music and drove. I didn’t stop, didn’t think, just headed for home. Every so often a thought would try to eke its way in about how maybe I was being a little immature, or that maybe I should turn around and go back and talk to Ennis like a grown-up, but I wasn’t listening. I got home, dropped off my stuff, then changed my clothes and went for a long run. A long, sweaty, exhausting, mind-numbing run.
When I got back, I showered and threw on some sweats and a T-shirt. I dug some leftovers out of the fridge for dinner, trying hard not to think about the dinner I could have been eating. I ended up just pushing food around on the plate until I decided I’d had enough. The only thing that sounded appealing was bed, so I went upstairs, stripped down to my boxers and got in. I buried myself under the covers, still hiding from everything that had gone on that day, and waited for sleep. Until my phone rang.
My stomach dropped, sure that it was Ennis until I saw the caller ID.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hi. So, how was the romantic weekend?” Josh asked.
I rolled onto my back and groaned.
“Uh-oh. Not so romantic?”
“No, it was. Parts, anyway. Until we ended up shouting at each other today and I got in my car and took off.”
“What the hell, Jack?” Josh asked.
“I guess a lot of people are asking that question.”
I gave him a rundown of the weekend: the good, the better, the best, the illustrious Mateo, and the spectacular crash that ended it.
Josh sighed. “All right. First of all, you can’t seriously be jealous of that guy.”
“You didn’t see him! Jesus, real people don’t look like that. Not without a lot of plastic surgery.”
“That doesn’t matter. Ennis dumped him. You’re the one Ennis has been thinking about for years and hunted down in a vaguely creepy way. You’re the one Mateo probably couldn’t measure up to, so he got dumped.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling like a dumbass. “Well, it’s not just that. It’s all this time that’s passed. I feel like I don’t even know him anymore.”
“You probably don’t,” Josh said logically.
“And that’s weird! This is Ennis. My Ennis. And to look at him and see this whole other person….”
“Christ, ten years have gone by! The guy’s allowed to change. And honestly from what I’ve seen, he seems to have changed for the better. You just have to step back and be willing to invest the time, get to know him again. I mean, you’ll always have your history, but -”
“And that’s the other thing,” I interrupted. “The other half of the time I look at him and see the guy who fucked me over so bad all those years ago. I’m just supposed to let that go?” I yelled.
“Actually, yes!” Josh shouted back. “Jesus, Jack. What do you want from the guy? A blood oath? I know he’s apologized, probably more than once. I’m guessing he means it. You either accept it and move on, or you don’t and you tell him to fuck off. But you have to pick one because anything else isn’t fair.”
“I can’t believe you’re taking his side,” I said.
“I’m not taking his side, I promise. But I am trying to help you get out of your own way because I think you still have feelings for him. Am I right?”
I sighed. “Yes. I just don’t know if it’s enough.”
“Okay. Why don’t you sleep on it? I am sorry it ended on such a bad note.”
“Thanks. I guess I’m at least half to blame. Maybe more.”
Josh laughed. “Maybe more.”
“Shut up.”
“Good night. We’ll talk in a day or two, all right?” Josh said.
“Sounds good. Night.” I hung up and reburied myself under the covers. Maybe Josh had made some valid points, and maybe he’d given me some things to think about, but if he had, it could all wait until tomorrow. Lights out.
today
yesterday
Author: mrs-spamlad
Pairing: Jack/Ennis
Rating: R
Feedback: have at it!
Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain and the original characters of Jack and Ennis were created by and belong to Annie Proulx. No money is being made from this- I’m just taking them out for a spin!
A/N: Hi, all! First of all, thanks for your patience during the delay in posting the next update. I got a nudge or two, which I always do appreciate, but I wasn’t able to respond. Unfortunately I have been very ill, in the hospital for a while, now trying to stay out because it’s pretty unpleasant, so I haven’t been able to do much of anything. The meds the keep me home for now make me feel awful, so there’s a lot of sleeping going on here right now.
I’m having a pretty decent day today, so I wanted to try to get this posted since it’s been such a very long time since I’ve updated. We’re so close to the end and you would think these guys would get it right by now. But just when everything seems to be going right, well… these two go left, I guess. (Haha)
Thanks again for your patience. I’ll try to have the final chapter (it’s a long one) up as soon as I can. Thanks, as always, to shieldmaid1 for her feedback on this chapter. She truly helps make it a better story. All right, I’ll shut up now and attempt to post this.
Happy reading!
jill
Chapter 74
We lazed around in bed until early afternoon when Ennis proclaimed we had to get up and showered or we’d never be back from the store in time.
I stretched and admired the view as he got up and headed for the bathroom.
“In time for what?” I asked.
“In enough time for me to make dinner,” he said as he disappeared around the corner.
I raised an eyebrow. The Ennis I knew cooked strictly via microwave, and that was when he was feeling fancy. “How much time can we possibly need to microwave pizzas?”
He shot out from the bathroom, still buck naked, his hand on his hip. “I’ll have you know that I’ve learned other things over the years besides a few tricks between the sheets and how to balance a hospital budget. And a proper béchamel sauce is something that takes some time and precision, and you’ll be enjoying a damn good one later on if you get your ass out of bed.”
My mouth fell open and I stared.
“What?” he demanded.
“Shit, you’re gay,” I said.
“Fuck off,” he said with a laugh and launched himself at me. That little scene caused an additional delay, but twenty minutes later we headed for the shower together.
An hour or so after that, we pulled into a parking spot at the grocery store and I raised yet another eyebrow.
“Whole Foods?”
“Shut up. It’s not a gay thing. They just have better stuff.”
“I didn’t say a word. And Whole Foods isn’t a gay grocery store; I know that. You may recall from last night that I’m in the club too.”
He smiled and pulled me in for a quick kiss.
“It’s just not a store I pictured you going to. I don’t know why,” I said.
“Maybe because shopping back in school meant hitting the corner store?” he said as we walked toward the entrance.
“Yeah, that might have something to do with it.”
We entered the store and he picked up a handheld basket. “I can do a little better than that now,” he said and bumped my shoulder.
We wove our way up one aisle and down the next, not talking much, Ennis looking for his ingredients and me just checking out the store. We were about halfway through when someone called out Ennis’s name and we both turned around.
My eyes popped as I watched some guy who looked like a movie star, dressed like he stepped off a fall casual page of GQ, pushing his basket our way and smiling big at Ennis.
“How have you been?” he asked when he reached us. He came over to Ennis, put a hand on his shoulder, and they pecked each other on the cheek. It was quick - barely noticeable - but for Ennis? Holy shit. And this guy? Even holier shit. I snuck a closer look at him: shiny black hair just long and tousled enough to be ridiculously trendy; chocolate brown eyes framed with lashes that had to be extensions; a perfectly straight, bright white smile; and tanned skin so smooth it looked like it didn’t even have pores.
Now I’ve never had much to complain about in the looks department; I know that. But getting a look at this dude with his hands on Ennis, pecking his cheek, touching his arm, well… fuck. I wasn’t a fan. But I tried to reserve judgement; this guy could be anyone. A coworker, a neighbor with a beautiful wife who kisses other neighbors, a kissing plumber… anyone. That lasted all of thirty seconds.
“How’ve you’ve been?” Pretty Boy asked again.
Ennis shifted, looking supremely uncomfortable. “Uh, fine, fine. Hey, Mateo, this is Jack. Jack Twist. He’s up visiting for the weekend. Jack, this is Mateo Mendez.”
Jesus Christ. He even had a movie-star-sounding name. “Nice to meet you,” I said, and shook the hand Mateo extended.
“Likewise. So, how do you two know each other?” he asked.
“Jack and I go way back,” Ennis answered. “We grew up together, went to college together.”
“Wow, that’s so great you’ve stayed in touch,” Mateo said, with the nerve to actually sound sincere. I swear he actually meant it.
“Yeah, well, we haven’t seen each other in a while. Just getting caught up,” I said. “What about you two?”
Ennis looked like he wished the Whole Grain Pasta Monster would pop off the shelf and swallow him whole. Before he could say anything, though, Mateo filled me in.
“Ennis and I were seeing each other a while back, but about six months ago this handsome creature left me crying in my wineglass.” He linked his arm with Ennis. “He let me down easy, of course, but he’s a hard one to replace.”
“You’re telling me,” I muttered.
Mateo’s eyebrows rose. “Oh, so this is a lover’s reunion?”
“Yes,” Ennis said at the same time I said, “Not really.” My eyes were still locked on their joined arms, and I knew I didn’t have any claim on Ennis but I swear I could feel the steam coming off the top of my head.
Mateo flicked his eyes from Ennis, to me, and then back. “I see,” he said slowly and disengaged himself from Ennis. “Well, I don’t mean to intrude.”
“You’re not,” Ennis said. “It was good to see you.”
“You too,” Mateo said. “I hope you both enjoy the rest of your weekend.”
I heaved a sigh. The fucker was polite even in an obviously awkward situation. I should’ve been grateful, but as he wandered off with his basket all I wanted to do was tackle him and shove kale chips in his face until his perfectly tanned skin turned green.
“Let’s go,” Ennis said, and we took off in the opposite direction of Mateo. We finished getting whatever the hell else Ennis needed without saying a word.
Once we got to the car, Ennis sat there for a few seconds before starting it up. “I guess you probably have something to say about that,” he said.
I stared out the window. “Nope.”
“No? What the fuck, Jack?”
I glanced over at him. “No, I don’t have anything to say.”
“What the hell does that mean? You always have something to say.”
“I don’t want to talk right now, okay?” I shouted.
“Fine.” He started the car and we headed back to his place.
We went our separate ways for a bit once we were back at Ennis’s place. He took his groceries to the kitchen and I went up to the bedroom. I flopped onto the bed and stared at the ceiling for a while and tried to talk myself down. It wasn’t working. Logically I knew Ennis was entitled to his romantic past - hell, he’d met a member of mine who was a lot more recent. But my head was just generally fucked up and Mateo could just get in line with the rest of the shit that was messing with me. I’d spent the night fucking Ennis but it felt like more than just fucking. I couldn’t stop thinking about what he’d told me about the conversation he’d had with my mom, and what he asked about the time after we broke up. And I felt like I was drowning in the strangeness of this whole getting-to-know you thing we were doing.
It was like that feeling you get when you go up to someone you think you recognize and tap them on the shoulder or say hi, and the person turns around and it’s someone else. I was looking at him like, oh, sorry, I thought I knew you, but I guess not. Except I did. But only sort of.
I couldn’t lie still anymore so I got up and started picking up my things and shoving them into my bag. I wasn’t planning to pack my shit and stomp out; it was just something to do with my hands. But that was the lucky moment Ennis chose to come looking for me.
“What the fuck is this?” he said from the doorway.
I looked down at the shirt in my hand and shrugged. “Nothing. I was just
--”
He came into the room and started pacing. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You promised me you weren’t going to do this.”
I tossed the shirt into my bag. “Do what?”
“Overthink things. Think your way out of us. Like twelve hours ago!”
“Jesus, Ennis, will you shut the fuck up? I’m not doing that.”
“It looks to me like you’re packing your shit and leaving.”
“Well at least you recognize it even when you’re on the other end of it,” I snapped. I sucked in a breath, surprised. I had no idea that was about to come out of my mouth.
Ennis stared at me for a few seconds, then swallowed hard. “So this is some kind of revenge or something? Jesus, that’s fucked up.”
I sat down on the edge of the bed and pressed my fingers to my eyes. “No. It’s not. I didn’t mean that. I don’t know what the hell I mean.”
He sat down beside me and sighed. “Are you ever really going to be able to get past all that? Me leaving and everything.”
I shrugged. “It depends on the day. Last night I would’ve said yeah, we’ll get there. Today….”
He looked at me, his expression pained. “What the hell happened today?”
“I don’t know. Last night was so good, and what you told me about Mom - it’s just got me kind of off, I guess. And getting used to you…. Jesus, you’re so fucking different. Most of the time it’s good, but sometimes it’s hard to see. To know what I missed. And then there’s fucking Mateo.”
He jerked his head up. “Mateo? What does he have to do with this?”
I rolled my eyes. “Please. That guy is gorgeous. Like knock-your-eyes-out gorgeous. I didn’t realize you were running around dating soap opera stars, or models, or mannequins, or whatever the fuck he is, but -”
“He’s a masseuse,” Ennis interjected.
I laughed out loud. “Well, that’s just fucking great. Your ex- is a smoking hot masseuse. Awesome.”
“So? You were dating a guy who’s ten years younger than us a month ago!” he shot back.
“That’s different. Brad didn’t mean anything.”
“Neither did Matt.”
“Oh, now he’s Matt?” I asked.
Ennis stood and started pacing again. “Who gives a fuck what his name is? We’re not together! Why don’t you just cut the bullshit and admit that you’re looking for a reason for this not to happen?”
I leapt up and into his path, just inches from his face. “I wouldn’t have to look too fucking far, would I?”
“Not from that comfy spot in the past you’ve carved out for yourself,” he ground out.
For a split second I thought I might hit him, but it passed quickly. I turned and grabbed my mostly-packed bag. “Fuck you. I don’t need this shit.”
I stormed out of the room and down the stairs, snagging my car keys off the table by the door. I heard him call, “Goddamnit, Jack, wait!” but I didn’t. I put my shit in the car and I left. I even saw him in the doorway as I pulled away. And I learned one important thing: the view is no better when you’re the one driving away.
I cranked the music and drove. I didn’t stop, didn’t think, just headed for home. Every so often a thought would try to eke its way in about how maybe I was being a little immature, or that maybe I should turn around and go back and talk to Ennis like a grown-up, but I wasn’t listening. I got home, dropped off my stuff, then changed my clothes and went for a long run. A long, sweaty, exhausting, mind-numbing run.
When I got back, I showered and threw on some sweats and a T-shirt. I dug some leftovers out of the fridge for dinner, trying hard not to think about the dinner I could have been eating. I ended up just pushing food around on the plate until I decided I’d had enough. The only thing that sounded appealing was bed, so I went upstairs, stripped down to my boxers and got in. I buried myself under the covers, still hiding from everything that had gone on that day, and waited for sleep. Until my phone rang.
My stomach dropped, sure that it was Ennis until I saw the caller ID.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hi. So, how was the romantic weekend?” Josh asked.
I rolled onto my back and groaned.
“Uh-oh. Not so romantic?”
“No, it was. Parts, anyway. Until we ended up shouting at each other today and I got in my car and took off.”
“What the hell, Jack?” Josh asked.
“I guess a lot of people are asking that question.”
I gave him a rundown of the weekend: the good, the better, the best, the illustrious Mateo, and the spectacular crash that ended it.
Josh sighed. “All right. First of all, you can’t seriously be jealous of that guy.”
“You didn’t see him! Jesus, real people don’t look like that. Not without a lot of plastic surgery.”
“That doesn’t matter. Ennis dumped him. You’re the one Ennis has been thinking about for years and hunted down in a vaguely creepy way. You’re the one Mateo probably couldn’t measure up to, so he got dumped.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling like a dumbass. “Well, it’s not just that. It’s all this time that’s passed. I feel like I don’t even know him anymore.”
“You probably don’t,” Josh said logically.
“And that’s weird! This is Ennis. My Ennis. And to look at him and see this whole other person….”
“Christ, ten years have gone by! The guy’s allowed to change. And honestly from what I’ve seen, he seems to have changed for the better. You just have to step back and be willing to invest the time, get to know him again. I mean, you’ll always have your history, but -”
“And that’s the other thing,” I interrupted. “The other half of the time I look at him and see the guy who fucked me over so bad all those years ago. I’m just supposed to let that go?” I yelled.
“Actually, yes!” Josh shouted back. “Jesus, Jack. What do you want from the guy? A blood oath? I know he’s apologized, probably more than once. I’m guessing he means it. You either accept it and move on, or you don’t and you tell him to fuck off. But you have to pick one because anything else isn’t fair.”
“I can’t believe you’re taking his side,” I said.
“I’m not taking his side, I promise. But I am trying to help you get out of your own way because I think you still have feelings for him. Am I right?”
I sighed. “Yes. I just don’t know if it’s enough.”
“Okay. Why don’t you sleep on it? I am sorry it ended on such a bad note.”
“Thanks. I guess I’m at least half to blame. Maybe more.”
Josh laughed. “Maybe more.”
“Shut up.”
“Good night. We’ll talk in a day or two, all right?” Josh said.
“Sounds good. Night.” I hung up and reburied myself under the covers. Maybe Josh had made some valid points, and maybe he’d given me some things to think about, but if he had, it could all wait until tomorrow. Lights out.
today
yesterday