All That Glitters - Part 4
He’s heading back to the hospital but stops by Joan’s on Third to get something for Gen to eat, hospital food sucks, when he runs into Tom Welling. He was kind of a douche in high school but he did hook them up with weed and some harder stuff on occasion.
Tom was, still is, a good looking guy. Tall, taller than Jensen maybe even Jared. He used to remind Jensen of a young Clark Kent. He could have been a young Superman. He had an All American in high school after all. Could have had a good career in the NFL but he never went anywhere.
Instead he look a typical bored trust fund brat, fashionably sloppy, hair slicked back; looks like maybe that side business in school really took off for him.
“Ackles, buddy, good to see you again.” He covers Jensen’s hand with his own and shakes almost like he’s practicing to be a politician. “What brings you back to the Sunshine State?” Tom’s smile is too big for Jensen’s liking. A Cheshire cat or used car salesman, with a secret.
“That’s Florida.” Jensen returns; his hand still in Tom’s grip.
“Fuck Florida, who needs all those old people, right?” He let’s go of Jensen’s hand for which Jensen is grateful but then grips his should and pulls him in like he’s about to share a secret. “No really, what brings you back, everything ok?”
“Just came for a visit is all.” Jensen splays his hands like he has nothing to hide and looks around for an escape from the conversation.
Tom gives his shoulder another squeeze then let’s go. “Hmm, thought maybe you were here to check in on your kids.” He is super oily and Jensen thinks he’s trying to say something, without really saying it. “Maybe see how everyone was behaving without you.”
He doesn’t know if Tom’s talking about Jared or Gen or both, but he’s certainly creeped out by the conversation.
“I guess we’ll see, won’t we.” Jensen says moving out the way of some people trying to get past them. “You take care Tom.”
“I always do.” He swipes his tongue across his lip and adds a little louder as Jensen moves away. “You let me know if you need help with anything, Ackles.” He gives a nod before he turns and walks out.
Jensen tries not to look back at him directly but he notices in his periphery Tom outside the window stepping off sidewalk with a smirk on his face laughing to himself as he gets into a black convertible Porsche and pulls away, then another bigger car pulling out right behind him.
Twice today Jensen learns about people in his life who had so much potential but seem to have fallen victim, if you want to call it that, to the excess of the Hollywood life.
Despite his reasons for leaving, or the real reason anyway, Jensen didn’t want to become another Silver Spoon Statistic either. He wanted to have something that was his, just like his dad and Gerry did early on. Something they had made, before all the made was money.
He would never begrudge his parents their successes or others who had the same kind of upbringing he did, but he didn’t want to want to just coast by on someone else’s work.
Picking through the deli case, he thinks about what Tom said again and wonders if maybe he was talking about Jared. Jared had taken a year off from school to figure out what he wanted to do with his life before he started college, not that that was unusual by any means, but two years later he was still wasn’t doing anything. And since Jensen’s last visit home and all reports since then, he’s spent most of the time just partying with Chad and looking for the next good time.
Jensen doesn’t want to think badly of what Jared’s or what he’s been up to; but if Tom’s words were in fact about him then maybe it is true and maybe Jared was already further gone than Jensen realized.
Jensen had been doing well in New York. He was his second year, made some new friends and was finally going home for Christmas. He’d gone to Paris the year before with his family and spent Spring Break in St. Thomas with Gen while Jared was stuck in Texas as punishment for crashing one of his Dad’s vintage cars. Jensen then spent that summer staying in the city for an internship.
He and Jared spoke on the phone during that time but it was nothing like how they used to be, it was just surface. It wasn’t like he was actively trying to ignore Jared, except for how he totally was.
He got home just in time for all the Christmas parties and he’s wasn’t even home for an hour before Gen had called him from a club in Hollywood and he headed over. He made the rounds, catching up with everyone he hadn’t seen in the last two years. Who was in school still and how were they doing, who was working already, and how many were already married, all the typical class reunion chit chat. They were all hammered or flying, of course, but it was a party and who was he to begrudge them some holiday cheer.
It’s just after midnight when he finally saw Jared. It had been the first time in well over a year.
Jared had been everything Jensen remembered falling in love with and more. He was huge for a start and hotter than Jensen could handle. Gen tried to warn him to be careful but fuck-it, it was a party.
They ended up having sex in the VIP bathroom, old habits and all that. Jensen knew he was being stupid, so clearly nothing had changed.
The next day was Christmas Eve at the Ackles home and he sees Jared’s family. They tell him he has to come out to their New Year’s Party in Palm Springs and he accepts, of course.
Christmas week was nice and he spent as much quality time with his family as he could, especially with MacKenzie, who was now old enough for them to have a real relationship.
He shopped with Danneel during the day and partied with Jared and Chad a little too much at night.
Genevieve took him riding and they spent the time talking about school. She was majoring in equine studies, it was fitting. They drove to a building in Santa Monica not far from Abbot Kinney and she surprised Jensen by showing him an industrial loft she just bought and was having renovated. The place was amazing. It had a giant open floor plan that housed a living room, dining room and design studio all in one. There were huge wood framed floor to ceiling windows lining the street facing wall, another with exposed brick, and roughhewn wood beams running across the exposed ceiling.
“I’m going finish these walls in Italian plaster and then stain and polish the floors.” She said, walking around the apartment, pride evident in her face.
She showed him some drawings of furniture and cabinets she was having custom made, the layout of the kitchen and where her bedroom was going to be.
“This is amazing. How come you never told me you all your chicken scratches were actually turning into something useful?” He teased, but was clearly in awe of the place and her.
That night when they were at yet another club, Jared told Jensen he wanted him to stay but Jensen said he couldn’t. He had school to finish and as much as he missed Jared, Gen, and his family he knew that if he stayed it will only hurt him in the long run. Jensen said he knew he would succumb to the LA lifestyle if he didn’t go back to New York. It was different and he needed that. He doesn’t mention that he’s still in love with Jared and he’s really trying to avoid added heartbreak.
Jared gets mad at him, telling him that LA isn’t that bad and why is he preaching at Jared anyway, when Jensen parties too.
“Besides, it’s not like I’ve forgotten who got me stoned the first time.” Jared reminds him.
Jensen was gutted. It was the truth. He opened that door.
They argued for another hour before Jared just threw up his hand and stormed off, taking Chad with him.
On New Year’s Eve, Jensen was in his tux, circling the edge of the Padaleckis pool and looking at the twinkling lights of the desert valley below. It was cold outside; not as cold as New York was but it was still winter, even in the desert. He looked up across the lit blue infinity pool at the expansive window walls of the Padaleckis mid-century modern house, watching the smiling happy faces of all the revelers inside, drinking champagne and keeping warm. It was bitter sweet, he did miss everyone more than he realized but at the same time knows where he’s at, in New York, is where he needs to be. He doesn’t want to become another one of the vacuous LA people. Ignoring the other reason why staying away was also beneficial for him.
The music playing in the house was also playing across the grounds, spilling out from the speakers tucked into the landscape. There had been a few other brave souls outside with him, sitting around the patios fire pit, but it was still too many for his liking at that moment.
He had decided to head down the back stairs, hidden by the pool, thinking he could avoid socializing by sneaking in into the game room in the basement; he’d make his face present later, just before the ball dropped.
But Jared was there, coming up the stairs as Jensen started down them. He was a bit rumpled and his eyes were glassy, but fuck he looked good. Even though it was at odds with the sharp cut of the suit, black with a pale lavender silk shirt underneath; Jared’s always too long, messy hair looked perfect. The three top buttons were undone, revealing his genetically gifted tanned chest and the long line of his neck.
Jensen has to remember, no.
Jared apologized for the fight at the club and promised that if Jensen stayed, he’d be better.
“Hangovers and detox aren’t that much fun anyway. Besides, I know a bunch of other things we can do to get into trouble anyway.” He offered, pulling on Jensen’s silver Gucci belt buckle.
“Do you really mean it, Jay?” Jensen asked, skepticism just sitting under the surface of hope.
“Yeah man, you mean more to me than anything, I still need you.” Jared says, taking a step down, so that they were both at eye level.
Jensen argued and Jared cajoled but eventually Jensen gave in.
“I hate that I can’t stay mad at you.” He said.
Jared was elated.
When they hugged it out Jared started kissing Jensen’s neck, telling Jensen with his lips pressed to Jensen’s pulse, that he was wrong two years ago. He is in love with Jensen, no one else compares and no one ever could. Jensen shut down the voice of warning in his head, instead telling himself that he could have this now and that he’d figure out the rest later. He brought brings his mouth together with Jared’s. The kiss was unlike any other they’d shared.
Then Jared pulled Jensen’s zipper down and blew him right there on the stairs. Jensen then returned the favor by fucking Jared fully clothed up against the wall on the side of the house.
The only realized it was a new year when a sudden rise of muffled cheers sounded and fireworks shot off in the air.
After, when they were lying together in one of the guest rooms, Jared said he was going to Mexico with Chad the next day.
It hits Jensen.
When Jared woke up, Jensen was already on a plane back to New York.
The elevator dings and he exits and heads in the direction of Gen’s room.
She is just finishing talking to the police and a woman who Jensen guesses must be the counselor. He moves around them and tucks into the corner of the room, watching how well she’s holding up outwardly, but he knows her better than that. She’s fidgeting with the edge of the hospital blanket, scraping her nails back and forth over the hem.
“Thank you for your patience Miss Cortese, we know this isn’t easy for you. But the sooner we get as much information as we can, while it’s still fresh in your head, the better chance we have of finding this guy and making a case.” The lead officer, a Hispanic woman with a soft voice, says closing her note book and turning off a small voice recorder. Her partner, a tall guy with blond hair, who is standing just behind her, is making his movements slowly, his body seemingly smaller than it really is.
Jensen figures the last thing a women wants, who’s been through what Gen has, is another man around her, much less in the same room as she recalls it.
He only packs up their things and thanks Gen quietly, taking the recorder from his partners hand and slipping it into a soft black briefcase with the other things. He backs up towards the door before he turns fully, to leave.
It makes Jensen think about the time the three of them went to Doggy Training Camp when Jared got his dog, Harley. That dog was a canine version of Jared, big, sweet and full of too much energy. The instructor had made a lot of the same moves, showing them how to deal with an animal that's either scared or angry. Office Doggy, Jensen thinks of him now.
“We’ll let you know what the findings are when we get the Rape Kit back as well.” The lady officer concludes. “Just get some rest and if you think of anything else please call us.” She hands her a card and Gen thumbs at one of the corners, nodding her head, but keeping it lowered.
“Take care of yourself Miss Cortese.” The officer smiles slightly at Jensen and at the counselor who hasn’t said anything yet, or since Jensen got there.
“Thank you Officer Santiago, I will.” Gen says, blowing out a huge breath. She blinks away tears and looks over to Jensen, taking in another deep breath and blowing it out again.
He gives her smile that says “ya did good” and “it’s going to be ok”.
The counselor addresses him then. “You must be Jensen?” She turning in her chair to shake his hand.
“I am.” Jensen stands up and leans over to reach her.
“I’m Joyce Ambrose, a counselor here.” She looks back at Gen. “We just want to make sure Genevieve is getting everything she needs and help her get through all of this as easily as possible.”
He walks around to the other side of her bed and takes her hand. “We appreciate that.”
“Ok, Genevieve, I think that’s more than enough for right now. It looks like Jensen brought you some good food.” She nods over to the white bag with Joan’s name emblazoned on the side. “I’ll let you eat and get some rest for a while. I’ll swing by and check on you again towards the end of the day, how about that?”
“Thank you.” Gen says, sinking down a bit, trying to burrow under the shield of the covers.
Jensen pulls the tray table with the bag closer and re-positions his chair next to Gen at the head of the bed. He leans over lays his head on the pillow with hers.
“I know you probably don’t want to, but you need to try to eat something.” He wipes at the tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. “That’s over now too. You just need to rest and concentrate on getting better now okay. I need you back in fighting shape, Peanut.”
Her face crumbles and she cries harder. Jensen just stays where he is, letting her have it and wiping tears as they come. When they slow to a near stop, he gets up to get another wet wash cloth and cleans her face.
“Okay, I’m done now.” She determines. He’s helping her sit up a little more and she asks. “Did you get me the mac and cheese?”
“You’re kidding me right? I’m insulted. What kind of a friend do you think I am?” He scoffs dramatically for effect.
“And the pickles too?” She tries to poke at the bag with her good arm.
“I’m just gonna ignore you now.” Jensen says, playfully rolling his eyes.
He pulls outs two white deli boxes of her favorite macaroni, a small plastic container of the store’s homemade sweet dill pickles, two bottles of mineral water, napkins and some plastic cutlery.
“When was the last time we had a picnic, Chief?” Some color comes back to her face and she looks like she's ready to eat all of it herself. Jensen loves that.
“Too long.” He concedes, and it has been. He pauses and looks around the tray and at her then breaks into a grin. “Well, do I need to feed you too?”
“Give me a fork jackass.” She holds out her hand.
They eat slowly and quietly for the most part, Gen occasionally letting out a low groan with happy belly approval.
Before she even finishes, she asks him if he brought her something sweet too. He smiles are her, still chewing his mouthful of noodles, and pulls out a box of cookies and meringues, that he'd kept hidden in the bag.
“When was the last time I told you I loved you, Chief?” She blows him a kiss and takes another fork full of the cheesy goodness.
Twenty minutes later, Jensen’s cleaned away the mess of containers and they are just about to dig into their desert when all three of their parents show up in the doorway; looking haggard and anxious in equal measure.
Gen looks over. “Long flight?” Then her breath hitches as Camille comes towards her in lightning speed, Louis Vuitton bag crushing between them as she tries to hug Gen within an inch of her life.
Jensen drops the cookie in his hand and stands trying to pry them apart a bit. “She has a broken rib, Cam.”
Gen’s mom immediately lets go, as if she’s touched fire. “Oh my god baby, I’m so sorry.”
Jensen amends. “Well two cracked ribs actually. But I don’t think Italian leather will help the healing process.”
She looks at the bag in her hand and drops it at the foot of the bed and gives Jensen a withering look.
“Jensen.” His own mother admonishes from the small crowd now formed inside the room and Gen laughs.
Camille takes a breath and holds up Gen’s face. “What happened, my beautiful girl?”
There is no way Jensen’s going to let her repeat everything again in front of a new audience. “Freak roller blade accident.” He answers, tutting his tongue against the back of his teeth.
Gen nods, her head in solemn agreement.
“Jensen!” His mother snaps, louder.
Camille sits down on the bed, examining her daughter.
Jensen kisses Gen on the side of the head and says he’ll be just down the hall, her eyes say “thank you” and “this sucks”, he gives her a wink and gets up. “Why don’t we get you guys some coffee and let Camille and Dave have a few minutes alone with Gen?” He corrals his parents and Gerry and Sherry steering them towards the door and then out.
Jensen can hear Camille starting to cry and Gen trying to hush her, as he closes the door.
He walks them all down the hall and into one of the private waiting rooms, shutting the door behind them. As soon as the door clicks they all start asking questions at the same time.
He calmly walks over gets a small bottle of water that’s sitting on the counter at the back of the room. He takes a sip and sits down at the head of the table as they all keep yammering and talking over each other. Then he clears his throat and says in a low, but steady, clear voice, “She was raped.”
The whole room quiets at that.
Donna starts first. “What happened, Jensen?”
Followed by Sherry asking. “Where is Jared?”
“As far as I know he’s on his way back from Palm Springs.” He looks to Sherry and something in her face doesn’t look quite right. He's never seen it on her before. So he looks back to his mother and goes on. “I haven’t asked her anything specific, just what I got from the Doctor and nurses.” He takes another sip of water and adjusts the chair he’s sitting in.
“Sometime yesterday she called 911 for help and gave me as a person to call in an emergency. They wouldn't give me any specifics over the phone but said she was being taken into surgery, critical care. So I got the first plane I could and got here.”
Donna gasps and Sherry lets out a sob. Alan and Gerry don’t make a move but their faces are stricken.
“When I got here she had just gotten out of surgery. Her Doctor came and told me what she was dealing with.” He lists off the damage done to her body while his mother and Jared’s cry together, sharing tissues. “So now we just wait for her to be released, take her home and help her to repair the rest of it.”
Alan says. “Well, I’m glad you're here son; even if it is for all the wrong reasons.”
Gerry says something in agreement but Jensen can’t quite make it out, he just sees a look of guilt in Gerry's features.
They all sit there for a bit processing everything. It’s not that they don’t love their children, they do of course, but something in the looks they all give each other makes Jensen think they know that they’ve let things get away from them, as far as their kids are concerned. Mo amount of money can fix this and they all know it.
To break the silence and the tension, Jensen stands to get another bottle of water and leans back against the counter top. “I went by her apartment while she was sleeping this morning, cleaned the place up and got rid of what I could.”
They all look to him then, like kids themselves, waiting to find out what they are supposed to do next.
“I don’t know how long I’m staying, but I will stay long enough to make sure she’s back on her feet, or as much as she can be.” He finishes the water and chucks the bottle into the waste basket. “It’s late and I know you’re all exhausted. There isn’t much you can do right now, so why don’t you take Camille and Dave home and I’ll call you guys in the morning?”
They don't say much, just nod in agreement and start to gather their things.
“Do the girls know?” Gerry asks.
“No, I haven’t called them and they don’t think they really need to know…at least not now.” Jensen says, suddenly grateful that Mackenzie and Megan are at boarding school and won’t be home until the weekend. He’d all but forgotten about them in the last twenty four hours.
They all walk out of the room and back towards Gen’s. Waiting in the hall as Jensen goes back into her room by himself.
Camille gets up and hugs him as hard as she can, Dave right behind her clapping him on the shoulder and reiterating her muffled thanks.
“We’ll be back first thing in the morning to see you and talk to the doctor.” He looks to his daughter and she just nods; her eyes puffy and red again. They kiss her goodbye and Camille kisses Jensen on the cheek before she walks out of the room and into the arms of Sherry and Donna.
Dave closes the door behind him and Jensen sits down on the side of the bed. “How much fun was that, huh?” He teases lightly, handing her the box of tissue.
Gen blows her nose and chuckles. “The best, I wish we could do that shit every day!” She says with thinly veiled sarcasm.
When she's done, Jensen takes all the used tissues, tosses them in the small trash can by her bed and hands her a glass of water. “So I’m thinking we finish those cookies and see if Seinfeld is on.”
“I’d like that.” She says, wiping at her nose one more time and giving a small smile.
They eat the entire box cookies, after the on call nurse brings them two small cartons of milk, and with her a flower arrangement with a small card from Danneel. They get through almost three episodes of the show on TNT, before Gen starts to fall asleep. Jensen’s phone buzzes in his pocket and he turns away from her to make sure she doesn’t wake.
He misses the call but walks quietly out to the hallway. He has a voice mail from Jared; who just got home and wants Jensen to come over and says nothing about Genevieve.
Jensen is angry, about Gen and about what Jared’s has or hasn’t been up to.
He goes back into the room and turns off the television. He clears away the mess on her tray table and leaves the tissue, a cup of water for her to drink from and another with a single purple flower he pulled out of the arrangement that’s sitting on the nightstand behind the head of her bed.
Leaning over, he gives her a kiss on the cheek and whispers that he’ll be back soon, placing the nurse call button by her hand. She gives a faint nod and drifts back to sleep.
The sun is on its last legs when Jensen makes it back to his car. He lowers all the windows, since the weather is unusually warm for the season, and drives back towards Santa Monica and tries in vain to get his thoughts together again. The warm air, heavy with humidity, feels good flowing over his skin, like a perfect blanket, that makes you feel warm and safe, but not smothered. If he was back in New York they would call this kind of weather “balmy” and people would be out on the streets in tee shirts and shorts well into the night. In California it’s just an excuse to turn on the air conditioning.
It’s the first time he’s thought about his adopted home since his plane landed at LAX, he kind of misses it. The constant chaos of the city and its inhabitants and the romantic idea most people have about the bustling nature of a big city. Its chaos is a far cry from the chaos he’s dealing with right now.
What is his new family doing right now? Did Andy ever figure out how to make that design work or is he still working on it? Sam hasn’t called back, after Jensen left a somewhat frantic message that he had to leave town for a family emergency but would call when he could, which tells Jensen she’s probably still on rotation at the hospital and hasn’t had time to check her phone.
He hasn’t replaced his real family, or Genevieve and Jared, not at all. But Jensen would be lying if he didn’t admit that he loves them. They’ve found him and took him in when he was fresh off the bus and to be honest, still bruised from his leaving home. Sam wasn’t a mother figure per se, even if he probably needed one, but more of an aunt who always pressed to make sure you were eating enough and remembered to watch your wallet when you were on the subway. She born and bred in the city and new its in’s and out’s better than the MTA.
Andy was the opposite. He was just as new as Jensen was to the city, having come from a small town just outside Atlanta. They had met the third week into the semester, both struggling to find the right building for their economics class. Freshman in every sense of the word, they buddied up to help each other out with school, the city, life when necessary. There were a few other friends around, mostly from school and a few of Sam’s co-workers, rounding out the table when they would play poker or something that required more bodies.
It was good, Jensen had some people he could lean on when he needed to and help out in return when they needed it. It wasn’t quite The Three, but it was a workable substitute. When they weren’t in classes or working Jensen and Andy would explore the city together, Sam playing tour guide when she could. They would make dinners together in Jensen’s small apartment in Union Square, Sam bringing over spices or something he didn’t have, from her place across the hall. Andy would often fall asleep on the sofa when studying ran late in the night and Jensen would let him sleep, rather than making him take the subway back up to Harlem.
There was no boyfriend and Jensen wasn’t dating anyone, not really, just an occasional hook up when they’d go out to a club or bar. He didn’t want to see anyone. He wasn’t there to get over Jared by getting under another body; he just wanted it to not hurt as much anymore. For the time being that method was to not get close to anyone in that way.
Looking at his watch, he realizes he didn’t adjust for the time change. It’s almost midnight in Manhattan and even though he’s pretty sure that Andy would still be awake, he makes a mental note to call them in the morning, just to check in with them.
The street lights are flickering to life and there is a heavy sprinkling of rain coming down as he drives along Sunset Boulevard, coming up on Beverly Hills and its showcase of grand homes and lush green lawns that so many people envy. Checking his review mirror as he leaves the Sunset Strip district behind him, he sees the kaleidoscope of sparkling colors where neon signs beckon people off the street and into their expensive boutiques and exclusive hard partying clubs. He remembers a passage from The Merchant of Venice he read in his senior year.
All that glisters is not gold;
Often have you heard that told:
Many a man his life hath sold
But my outside to behold:
Gilded tombs do worms enfold.
Had you been as wise as bold,
Young in limbs, in judgement old
Your answer had not been inscroll'd
Fare you well, your suit is cold.
His teacher said Shakespeare was trying to say that just because something looks beautiful and enticing or prosperous that it wasn’t inherently better or good for you, or even what you really needed. More often than not it was just an illusion, promising more that it really was. Money, beauty and status were not evil, it was more about the person who was born with, gained or sought these things and what they did with them when they had them.
All that glittered was not gold.
He didn’t appreciate it then, but was now starting to understand it and see how those things changed his family, friends and enemies. For them these things had either grown into armor to hide unseen ugliness beneath or make them weaker and more dependent on these things than they really were.
Except for Gen, but even she paid a price.
Jensen didn’t know what he was going to go with this newly understood wisdom; he just knew he didn’t want to fall victim any further to the excesses that privilege had given him.
He feels a headache coming on and tries to stop thinking so hard. Instead, he focuses on the hum of tires on the road, the smell of rains drops drying on warm asphalt, fresh cut grass and brine of the ocean permeating the air as he gets closer to the beach.
When he pulls up to Jared’s apartment building he sees a vintage Cadillac slowly pulling out of the parking garage. It’s big and bright blue, like cobalt, with a white soft top roof, like something his grandfather would drive. He doesn’t know why, but his gut says there’s something’s not right.
<< Part 3 Part 5 >>