Things That Make Me Stop Reading, Fanfic Edition, Pt. I
This is in regards to the Torchwood fandom, which is what I mainly read now considering how little navyboys fic we're getting lately, but this is probably a pan-fandom problem.
1. Formatting Headers
I don't care who your beta was and OMG how great they are. Reserve that for the actual fic or better yet, a post on your journal that I don't have to read. Don't bother with writing who the author is as I should be able to tell just from the fact you posted it. Just tell me title, rating, pairing, warnings, and a summary. And please for the love of God, an enigmatic quote is NOT a summary. I skip those regularly, so please take the time to write a one sentence or paragraph summary that if it doesn't intrigue me, at least makes me interested in the actual fic.
2. Formatting Fics
Please, please, please, put spaces between your paragraphs. If it's in one great blob of text, my eyes will cross and I'll be forced to exit the browser without even knowing whether the story was worth reading.
This is not the time to play with fonts or pretty colors. This is not the time to make the font too big. Use the default settings on lj and you should be fine.
Also, I know you're excited about being nominated for a fandom award, but it doesn't have to be at the end of every chapter for a multi-chapter epic fic. If you win a pulitzer, a newberry medal, or a nobel prize for the fic, then you have every right to boast. Until then, post it once, perhaps at the very end of the fic, and then I might even consider voting for you.
3. Homonyms (AKA 6th Grade English)
You do not 'loose' control during an orgasm, you lose control. Sex is messy enough as it is and loosing your control could create all manner of chaos and mess.
Though I feel I should say this two times, I say to you, even though I do it too that you should edit for mistakes regarding two, to, and too.
I hate to comment on fics with this issue (Well, the few I read all the way through after finding such a basic mistake) because I feel like I'm being too bitchy, but I learned this in the 6th grade if not earlier.
I should hardly be throwing stones since I edit my own work, but get a beta if you have trouble with these things.
4. Dialogue
Let's say you're writing a sex scene involving two males. Please, never ever write this again:
"Make Love to me."
"Always."
Unless suddenly I'm reading an ultra horrific romance novel and one of them suddenly misplaced their penis, I find this horribly unrealistic, especially if a character like Jack Harkness is saying it.
Better Example:
"Fuck me."
He smirked. "Demanding aren't we? What's the magic word?"
His lover's eyes darkened as he glared at Jack.
"Please," he said, the demands of earlier all but gone from his voice, now replaced by something far softer, "Jack, I need you, need this, now."
I also hate this:
"What," Ianto cried.
Please be more creative.
Example:
"What?!?"
His body froze from the sheer shock of what Jack had said.
5. PWP
Don't get me wrong, I love a good passion-filled earth shaking orgasmic sex scene. I just don't want the same sex scene over and over and over again without regards to changing much. Half the time I expect it to be about a delivery man coming to the door with a 'package.'
Please try a PWS (Plot with Sex) once in awhile and I might be more willing to read your PWPs because I'll know you're more than a semi-creative porn writer in training.
6. Consideration for the Reader
I understand that one of the reasons you write is to get comments and feedback. I feel the same way, but posting to multiple communities based on the same fandom and all in one day annoys the living hell out of me. Having to wade through that makes me very reluctant to even look at your header because it just seems like you're a particularly tenacious comment whore.
I suppose all of these points could be placed under this point, but I'll keep it this way for organization's sake.
7. Fandom Wank (AKA Hug a Mod, Don't Threaten to Burn Her at the Stake)
Example: A mod of a TW community recently posted suggestions regarding spamming, chapter lengths, etc. on her comm. Nowhere does she say that she limits anything or that these are hard and fast rules. She only says that she's been receiving complaints, and based on her post, I believe them quite valid complaints.
Enter the angry mob. Why is it that fandom pushes people to be the worst they can possibly be? I've read so many condecensing egoist's comments to the aforementioned post with their quasi-resignations without so much as a discussion about clarification or the request for a compromise. Many of these authors wrote fics that I was following, but after their response, I don't believe I'll be reading their fics any longer.
Because in the end, the mod's post was reasonable, benevolent, and discussed a growing problem in communities, particularly in that fandom. I commented in her defense, though I'm sure I'll have the mob after me next, but I didn't want her to think that everyone had their torches and pitchforks aimed at her.
Poor mod.