(no subject)
As usual, the following post is caused by stressing over school and homework and the fact I can't read more than two sentences of a textbook before my head either starts hurting or I lose focus. Seriously, only online fanfic can keep my attention. Reading books for pleasure disappeared sometime at the beginning of my sophomore year in college.
It sucks when you hate every minute that goes by because it brings you closer to school and work and such, and then of course once that time gets there, you hate every minute of that and can only look forward to when you have time off...
I feel like most of the time I'm either sad, crying, or if I'm at class or work, feeling inside like I'm crying and so intensely desperately sad. Or I'm just...there and I can't get the enthusiasm to even cry.
So I sit in front of the tv doing nothing alternated by hugging my pillow, curling up against it as tight as I can and crying a little.
Yeah, today was not that great a day mood-wise. Even buying cake and pizza didn't help.
Seriously, sleep is the only thing that helps and that's only because it provides a blessed period of nothing or if I dream, it's weird and has nothing to do with everyday life. I want sleep. A lot of sleep.
I need to start really firming up what I want to do in England and when. Really I do. I'm not so much looking forward to it (I am, but not enough to improve my day to day mood, if that makes sense), but I'm hoping so much that it will be the beginning of a change for the positive. Then my only main problem will be dreading having to go back to school in the fall.
I'm hoping so much for that mainly because I'm losing hope that anything here is ever going to improve.
When I began this post I was crying, then I was angry that I was crying then I was just really, really sad, and now...Well, at least I've moved to my 'reasonably' calm mood so I can go to sleep to start another long week.
Edit: Though I'm really feeling the need for some good, unadulterated, sensuous smut right now. Really good smut. Really good navyboy smut. Perhaps even with humor and romance. Prty plz?
It sucks when you hate every minute that goes by because it brings you closer to school and work and such, and then of course once that time gets there, you hate every minute of that and can only look forward to when you have time off...
I feel like most of the time I'm either sad, crying, or if I'm at class or work, feeling inside like I'm crying and so intensely desperately sad. Or I'm just...there and I can't get the enthusiasm to even cry.
So I sit in front of the tv doing nothing alternated by hugging my pillow, curling up against it as tight as I can and crying a little.
Yeah, today was not that great a day mood-wise. Even buying cake and pizza didn't help.
Seriously, sleep is the only thing that helps and that's only because it provides a blessed period of nothing or if I dream, it's weird and has nothing to do with everyday life. I want sleep. A lot of sleep.
I need to start really firming up what I want to do in England and when. Really I do. I'm not so much looking forward to it (I am, but not enough to improve my day to day mood, if that makes sense), but I'm hoping so much that it will be the beginning of a change for the positive. Then my only main problem will be dreading having to go back to school in the fall.
I'm hoping so much for that mainly because I'm losing hope that anything here is ever going to improve.
When I began this post I was crying, then I was angry that I was crying then I was just really, really sad, and now...Well, at least I've moved to my 'reasonably' calm mood so I can go to sleep to start another long week.
Edit: Though I'm really feeling the need for some good, unadulterated, sensuous smut right now. Really good smut. Really good navyboy smut. Perhaps even with humor and romance. Prty plz?