Beginning The End
I haven't journaled much about our impending step-down. For one thing, there is a ton of tasks to get through before we get to it and I don't want to be distracted. June Faire is the biggest but there are a couple of other bits and pieces.
I find that I am approaching the 'saying thank-you' part with a little bit of trepidation. This isn't my first rodeo. No doubt there will be people out there who are positive that they helped enough to be thanked but who will not get a tangible thank-you from me. It happens when one is Princess and it happens when one is Queen so I can't imagine it NOT happening when one is Baroness. I'm ready for it but, truth to tell, I'm at a point where, if someone confronts me on it, they may get a short and succinct description from me on just how much they helped and how much they DIDN'T help. My list of people I want to thank isn't really that long. I'm not bothered by that; I don't tend to gather a big group of people around me.
I also find that I am approaching the 'saying good-bye' part with an interesting mixture of excitement and sadness. I'll be glad to get back to a point, in the SCA, where I can feel like I have a choice of which events I go to. Right now, I don't feel like I have a choice even though I pretty much have always had a choice. But when I took this job on, I took very seriously the representing of the Barony at various Kingdom level events as well as around the Kingdom and I've gone to quite a few more events that I might have, if I'd been left to my own devices.
The sadness, however, is a surprise. I've been able to keep tabs on the mood and state of the Baronial citizenry through various channels. His Excellency and I are fairly well tolerated in some circles, beloved in others, and acknowledged if not liked in still others but I don't get a sense that the Barony is desperate for us to leave. If anything, the feeling I get when people talk to us is that they wouldn't mind much if we stuck around a little longer. This is a nice feeling. And it's dangerous if one isn't prepared for it. It's this feeling that compels people to stick around 'just a little while longer', which is almost always disastrous if they are feeling tired. Again, this isn't my first rodeo. In my opinion, now is the time to leave, when we are on a fairly even keel and the ship is pointed in the right direction. If we were to stay, things would go south - I can almost guarantee it.
But I will be sad. I have enjoyed immensely the representing of this mighty Barony these last three and a half years. This Barony is one of the most wonderful and functional in the entire Kingdom, if not in the entire Known World. I've seen and lived in many a Barony during my years... I know something awesome when I see it. It's been my privilege and my honor to be Baroness of Dragon's Laire. I've enjoyed giving awards, giving tokens, supporting the competitors and troops, flying the Baronial banner, and being present on the erics at Crown events. And Baroness' War was such a wonderful, wonderful experience. I'll treasure it for years.
I've enjoyed being part of the steering of this great Barony - a Barony takes on the personalities of its Baron and Baroness. It might not seem like that is possible but it always happens. Steady, functional Baronies are partly due to their citizens as well, don't get me wrong. But the Baron and Baroness can have a big impact on the Baronial personality, both positive and negative. I have tried, always to be positive. I've made every effort to put the needs and desires of the Barony ahead of my own. I've tried to push for the Barony on the Kingdom level. And I've held myself in check many, many times, always mindful that I and what I say reflects on the Barony.
I will miss being Baroness, for all of the above reasons and a few more. It's been a good three and a half years in many respects. But it's time for me to move forward to something else and allow the Barony to move forward as well.
Such maudlin thoughts... time for bed.