If only Zidane had a spike on his head
And here's the specifics of the Italian baiting of Zidane.
This is along with hacking and pulling at him all game, probably talking this level of shit (if not worse) throughout, and getting away with dive after dive after dive.
I've read a number of American takes on the World Cup, and the vast majority seem to like most of what they've seen, but the ridiculous diving and stretcher-usage make the whole game look retarded. Diving's gotta be called more often, particularly on teams where it becomes their primary strategy. Otherwise, the game slows down and looks awful. Same deal with the whole stretcher bullshit. If you are stretchered off the field, you should be held out of the game for at least 10 minutes - OR, if you are stretchered off and jump right back up with no problem, you should be yellow/red-carded automatically. That would cut down on this obnoxious bullshit. It's not just an entertainment problem, it makes soccer players look like wussy whiney little prima donnas who aren't in shape/good enough to play the game honestly.
The biggest problem, however, is that teams like Italy can win big tournaments while playing the ugliest, most boring soccer possible. Italy literally had NO entertaining games. Nothing that you'd ever want to watch again. They play slow, everybody-back defensive soccer and hope that they get a lucky counter-attack or penalty shot, or just play for the overtime shootout. That's fucking AWFUL soccer and, while it might win games, in the long run it hurts the sport as a whole. When shitty teams like Italy and Greece can win big tournaments by playing shitty, boring soccer, it just makes the tournament seem stupid. Same thing that happens when a team like the Heat wins the NBA championship. Just seems like a waste of time to play the season if such a boring, shitty team can eke out the final tourney.
I'm not saying Italy didn't play great defense (though it's hard not to when you're playing 9 defenders). They did - and their goalkeeper was terrific exactly when they needed him to be. But this isn't chess. Winning isn't everything. Style matters. Boring soccer sucks ass. Italy plays boring soccer. Therefore, Italy sucks ass.
Along with my stretcher/dive policy, I would magically institute a neutral panel (that's why it would have to be magic - neutral panels don't exist in sports) to judge style - in the same way it's judged in boxing/gymnastics/whatever. You get an edge for going on the attack, creating exciting plays, playing an exciting game. If the game ends in a tie, there would only be overtime if the two teams really played an even match. Otherwise, the more exciting team would advance. OR you could have an overtime, but give the more exciting team a one goal lead that the boring, shitty team would have to make up. Similarly, in group play, ties would go to the more exciting team, who would get an extra point.
Teams like Italy would have a hard time qualifying, much less making it out of group play. And the world would finally get some interesting elimination rounds, rather than just the same old teams playing each other for the millionth time.
So, Elect me FIFA President, and Soccer Will Never Be Boring AGAIN!
(Oh, and I'll use the same magic powers that generated neutral panels to round up all the insane European racists and dump them all naked in the middle of somewhere awful, like Sudan or Baghdad or something and not let them return home until they made 50 real friends and pledged, upon pain of death, to renounce their racist ways and rat out all of the other racists they know. Assholes.)
This is along with hacking and pulling at him all game, probably talking this level of shit (if not worse) throughout, and getting away with dive after dive after dive.
I've read a number of American takes on the World Cup, and the vast majority seem to like most of what they've seen, but the ridiculous diving and stretcher-usage make the whole game look retarded. Diving's gotta be called more often, particularly on teams where it becomes their primary strategy. Otherwise, the game slows down and looks awful. Same deal with the whole stretcher bullshit. If you are stretchered off the field, you should be held out of the game for at least 10 minutes - OR, if you are stretchered off and jump right back up with no problem, you should be yellow/red-carded automatically. That would cut down on this obnoxious bullshit. It's not just an entertainment problem, it makes soccer players look like wussy whiney little prima donnas who aren't in shape/good enough to play the game honestly.
The biggest problem, however, is that teams like Italy can win big tournaments while playing the ugliest, most boring soccer possible. Italy literally had NO entertaining games. Nothing that you'd ever want to watch again. They play slow, everybody-back defensive soccer and hope that they get a lucky counter-attack or penalty shot, or just play for the overtime shootout. That's fucking AWFUL soccer and, while it might win games, in the long run it hurts the sport as a whole. When shitty teams like Italy and Greece can win big tournaments by playing shitty, boring soccer, it just makes the tournament seem stupid. Same thing that happens when a team like the Heat wins the NBA championship. Just seems like a waste of time to play the season if such a boring, shitty team can eke out the final tourney.
I'm not saying Italy didn't play great defense (though it's hard not to when you're playing 9 defenders). They did - and their goalkeeper was terrific exactly when they needed him to be. But this isn't chess. Winning isn't everything. Style matters. Boring soccer sucks ass. Italy plays boring soccer. Therefore, Italy sucks ass.
Along with my stretcher/dive policy, I would magically institute a neutral panel (that's why it would have to be magic - neutral panels don't exist in sports) to judge style - in the same way it's judged in boxing/gymnastics/whatever. You get an edge for going on the attack, creating exciting plays, playing an exciting game. If the game ends in a tie, there would only be overtime if the two teams really played an even match. Otherwise, the more exciting team would advance. OR you could have an overtime, but give the more exciting team a one goal lead that the boring, shitty team would have to make up. Similarly, in group play, ties would go to the more exciting team, who would get an extra point.
Teams like Italy would have a hard time qualifying, much less making it out of group play. And the world would finally get some interesting elimination rounds, rather than just the same old teams playing each other for the millionth time.
So, Elect me FIFA President, and Soccer Will Never Be Boring AGAIN!
(Oh, and I'll use the same magic powers that generated neutral panels to round up all the insane European racists and dump them all naked in the middle of somewhere awful, like Sudan or Baghdad or something and not let them return home until they made 50 real friends and pledged, upon pain of death, to renounce their racist ways and rat out all of the other racists they know. Assholes.)