woke up sad this morning; now feel okay
Last night, felt tired and went to bed early, just before 10pm.
Woke up before 5:30am for no apparent reason. Still was dark. House was quiet.
Tried the anti-insomnia technique of staying in bed, eyes closed, just counting breathing cycles, willing myself to have a relaxed body, like when doing a post yoga workout, where the person just lies on the mat, eyes closed, and focuses on relaxed breathing, in the hope might fall back asleep.
Stayed like that for what felt was a long time. Stayed fully awake and alert. Laying there with my eyes closed. Finally gave up.
Got out of bed and looked at a clock. Now was 5:30am. Still dark. House still quiet. For some reason, this failure to sleep longer, made me feel sad. Another thing that isn't going right in my life. It's a small thing, but adds to the accumulations of small things, about how where my life is, my little family and our private struggles, and such, is where my emotions went.
So, here I am. Awake. Feeling kinda sad.
Fired up my PC, and started to surf the net. Doing my usual. Sadness lessened, due to the strategy of just letting other thoughts from what I am reading displace the thoughts about the private struggles within myself, my life, my little family, that made me feel kinda sad.
So, not denial. But yes, avoidance.
***
It's now about 6:30am. Been at my PC approaching an hour. Sadness now lessened in intensity, but still there.
Maybe once I have my 1st cup of coffee, which I am awaiting until 7am to do (to stick to a consistent routine), its caffeine will chemically help dissipate the lingering low intensity sadness to just a whisper, or gone for the day.
***
Made a cup of coffee at 7am. Slowly consumed it, as per my usual. Now it's about 8am, and feel normal-range, emotionally. So, um, that was unusual.
***
Now it's 9am. Have had two cups of coffee, as per my usual. I still clearly remember everything on how I felt earlier. But, now I feel normal normal. My usual. Not sad.
So, now, I kinda feel like, a mild case of self-reflection "WTF?!" about how I felt this morning when I woke up. I hope it remains unusual and rare, or does not happen again.