Rules to Blog By.
Since I hate on-line journals, I thought I would make a couple of rules as to how to make your journal less stupid. It is kinda like spraying that flower scented air freshener in the bathroom after you take a massive dookie. It makes it a little less putrid, but the shit is still there, just covered up a bit. By following these rules, your journal will still be crap. I mean that in the nicest respect to the word crap, as comparing your babble to crap is an insult to poop everywhere. Regardless, here is some journal freshener for your expressions. Pine Scented, of course.
1. Quizella will not tell you "what color you are" by answering a bunch of stupid questions. I'll tell you what color you are: You are two-tone brown with a glossy kinda film over you. More specifically, pig shit.
2. Your journal isn't a bulletin board. If you have something to say to just one person, then email that person. When someone (not me, because I don't read your shit) is reading your blog, they don't want to read "Oh, and Dave, you were SOOOOooo right last week about that thing!" You have successfully reached your target audience. One person. Congrats, moron.
3. If you actually want someone to read your journal, please make your text readable over the background. Your pointless babble is enough to give the reader a headache. Squinting will only make it worse. Go play in traffic.
4. Remember when you were in second grade and Mrs. Handjob called on you to read a paragraph in front of the class, and you were all nervous because you had to sound out every word, and it came out all mumbled and jerky? Well that is the feeling your reader gets when you spell everything phonetically. Duz ya here wut I'm sain? It's like sucking your own dick, uncomfortable and not as satisfying as you would think. Remember this: you might look cool, but you sound retarded. And if you are actually sucking your own dick, remember: you might be getting a blowjob right now, but you also have a dick in your mouth.
5. It is impossible to lick your own elbow.
6. It is impossible for someone to not try to lick their elbow after you tell them it is impossible to lick their own elbow. When you succeeded you thought, "This guy is stupid! I can too lick my elbow!" Wrong again, you are the stupid one. The whole point of this? You have a weblog, so your stupid. Don't believe me? you just tried to lick your elbow didn't you? Case closed.
Link to my site with one of these kick ass banners. Seriously. Do it of I will eat your babies.
