A horror entry for Halloween? A prolific response to Tim's prodding?
HA! Below is an article I wrote for Diana's project some time back. Enjoy for now - this marks a new beginning of writing for this ol'...author, I guess. Anyway - enjoy!
Ah, zombie films. When it comes to a classic horror genre, there’s nothing quite like composing a plot solely of scared, and often inept, humans against an onslaught from hordes after countless hordes of the undead. Some grow sick in the gills at the sight of a decayed corpse munching down on some unsuspecting gent; others, it’s the decay of the zombies’ physical form which moves them, or at least inner parts of them, to generate a response. For me, it’s the survival instinct.
Good zombie movies usually take place once a mass attack has already won. The government has failed, the Army/National Guard has been overrun, and everyday Joe Citizens are left fending for themselves with little or no hope of rescue in the immediate, if ever, future. Here, we can see the character development begin, as characters become too emotionally attached to other survivors and make stupid decisions, or attempt to be heroes, only to sacrifice themselves to the inevitable. And it’s here where the magic of zombie movies lies.
Nothing speaks to the human emotion quite like survival. It’s the most basic instinct, hardwired in to our subconscious as a primal need: survive or perish. When the moment comes, can anyone really say what they would do? I doubt it. But in the interest of trying to help those who actually read this column make an informed decision, I’m going to rate my top five favorite zombie flicks, and give you some background on why these gems seem to sit on top of the dung heap that comprises most of the ‘zombie’ genre as a whole.
#5: Land of the Dead
Ok, I’ll buy that humans would band together in cities, and eventually make them safer places to exist. I’ll even buy that an established paramilitary force helped secure the city, and maintains border patrol. What I won’t buy is that a) zombies give a rat’s ass about the fireworks used to ‘distract’ them from noticing the nice, live meals running in front of them stealing supplies for the city, b) that people are so bored for entertainment that they toss other humans to the zombies as a form of entertainment and betting, and c) (1) that the border guard is so incompetent that they don’t have every single inch of fence manned in case of a zombie surge; it’s this incompetence which leads to the breach, and follows C(1) - C(2) that not everyone in a post-apocalyptic world either owns or at least knows how to use a handgun. Although it’s massive amounts of fun to watch idiots get slaughtered (don’t get me wrong, I like it when the dead guys win sometimes), it’s just painful to watch person after person get torn apart because they were too engrossed in their tea at the Mall to notice the corpse inching up on them and then biting their jugular. Really? You were too busy? Really? I hope that tea was good, old lady.
#4: Dead Alive!
Peter Jackson’s directorial debut, this movie has to be ranked high on any list. The gore is sufficient enough to even make me feel queasy in spots, and really really gets overdone at the end of the film - but I’ll spare the details here so that I won’t ruin it! The mother plays the perfect antagonist throughout the film, as does her balding perverted brother; the interaction between those two is worth the 2 hours this film runs. Jackson put some interesting ideas into the genre with this film, including using a lawn mower light enough to pick up and walk behind as a way to cut a deadly swatch through a zombie horde, should you ever have the chance to do so. Some key scenes to note: when the mother has her club president and husband over for dinner, the pudding scene is just masterfully done - I’ve yet to see any horror fan be able to watch it and not have to see it again because they looked away; the kung-fu preacher in the cemetery at the local church; and my personal favorite: a blonde woman screaming who just happens to have a tight-in shot from the camera focused on her face, and suddenly a zombie punches through the back of her head and exits her face through her mouth, almost directly into the camera - I fell out of my seat the first time. An overall enjoyable film - always a crowd pleaser.
#3: Return of the Living Dead
Although originally intended to be a parody, this film definitely has it’s ‘scare’ moments. It picks up where Romero’s ‘Night of the Living Dead’ films peter off, leaving a warehouse responsible for the storage and eventual disposal of the zombies from the first Romero film. While not a Romero project, the characters openly mock the movies, stating (upon seeing how fast the zombies move - these are runners, not shufflers) “they didn’t do this in the movie!!” Key scenes include the slow turning of two of the main characters into zombies, showing the incredible painful process that the toxin used to store the zombies enacts on our poor characters; a scene where the police and ambulance drivers are duped into an ambush (one of my all time favorite scary scenes - it still gets me!), and the various deaths that plague the characters throughout the film - each of them inventive in their own way.
#2: Night of the Living Dead
Made by George A. Romero in 1968, this movie is the all time serious zombie movie buff’s handbook on how to deal with a full-on invasion. It’s a classic, shot in black and white, with very little music and crudely done makeup, but man, does it hit home! Several items to note: according to this flick, everyone is out for #1 and only #1 - don’t trust anyone!; the use of firearms is good only when you have bullets; and barricade, barricade, barricade - those zombies won’t stop until they get inside! Key scenes include the turning of a family by their own little daughter with an incredible ‘murder with garden trowel’ scene, a nice fireball from a gas station scene, and of course, characters getting chased out of the cemetery by zombies after mistaking the identity of one and mocking one of the characters with the famous line, “they’re coming to get you, Barbara!” Ultimate classic.
And now…..#1: Shaun of the Dead
While a parody in its own right, this film is unlike any other zombie flick I’ve ever seen. The characters elicit emotional responses (likeable, hateable, and everywhere inbetween), the story is moving and gripping, and the zombie killing is top notch. This group elects to stay on the move and make a stand in a favorite establishment (one which will remain nameless for this publication), and all of their follies along the way. Things these characters stress through their failure: everyone carries a weapon, even the elderly; there’s always more zombies than you think there are (they’re just hiding); and zombies are not as easy to give the slip to as previously thought. Key scenes include an incredible death towards the end of the film (you’ll see what I mean), the sequencing of a zombie fight to Queen, and brilliant quote repetition throughout the film. This is, by far, my alltime favorite zombie flick, because it’s about the characters, not the situation. Their survival is the crown of the film, not the penultimate focus like so many other flicks. And this is why I can take things like: a) be sure all windows and doors are barred and locked, and the building is secure before pouring yourself a pint; b) always take an alternate route, always!; and c) things are never as bad as they seem -‘ just give it a second to work out’ from this film.
And there you have it. A bit lengthy, I’m sure. But overall, I think it fits quite well. Each film has something to be learned about the overall human condition, the need for survival, and the overall awesome killing of the undead. Check them out for yourselves; hopefully you won’t be disappointed!
NEXT WEEK: Why comic books have started sucking again, despite this author’s best voiced attempts otherwise…….STAY TUNED!
Ah, zombie films. When it comes to a classic horror genre, there’s nothing quite like composing a plot solely of scared, and often inept, humans against an onslaught from hordes after countless hordes of the undead. Some grow sick in the gills at the sight of a decayed corpse munching down on some unsuspecting gent; others, it’s the decay of the zombies’ physical form which moves them, or at least inner parts of them, to generate a response. For me, it’s the survival instinct.
Good zombie movies usually take place once a mass attack has already won. The government has failed, the Army/National Guard has been overrun, and everyday Joe Citizens are left fending for themselves with little or no hope of rescue in the immediate, if ever, future. Here, we can see the character development begin, as characters become too emotionally attached to other survivors and make stupid decisions, or attempt to be heroes, only to sacrifice themselves to the inevitable. And it’s here where the magic of zombie movies lies.
Nothing speaks to the human emotion quite like survival. It’s the most basic instinct, hardwired in to our subconscious as a primal need: survive or perish. When the moment comes, can anyone really say what they would do? I doubt it. But in the interest of trying to help those who actually read this column make an informed decision, I’m going to rate my top five favorite zombie flicks, and give you some background on why these gems seem to sit on top of the dung heap that comprises most of the ‘zombie’ genre as a whole.
#5: Land of the Dead
Ok, I’ll buy that humans would band together in cities, and eventually make them safer places to exist. I’ll even buy that an established paramilitary force helped secure the city, and maintains border patrol. What I won’t buy is that a) zombies give a rat’s ass about the fireworks used to ‘distract’ them from noticing the nice, live meals running in front of them stealing supplies for the city, b) that people are so bored for entertainment that they toss other humans to the zombies as a form of entertainment and betting, and c) (1) that the border guard is so incompetent that they don’t have every single inch of fence manned in case of a zombie surge; it’s this incompetence which leads to the breach, and follows C(1) - C(2) that not everyone in a post-apocalyptic world either owns or at least knows how to use a handgun. Although it’s massive amounts of fun to watch idiots get slaughtered (don’t get me wrong, I like it when the dead guys win sometimes), it’s just painful to watch person after person get torn apart because they were too engrossed in their tea at the Mall to notice the corpse inching up on them and then biting their jugular. Really? You were too busy? Really? I hope that tea was good, old lady.
#4: Dead Alive!
Peter Jackson’s directorial debut, this movie has to be ranked high on any list. The gore is sufficient enough to even make me feel queasy in spots, and really really gets overdone at the end of the film - but I’ll spare the details here so that I won’t ruin it! The mother plays the perfect antagonist throughout the film, as does her balding perverted brother; the interaction between those two is worth the 2 hours this film runs. Jackson put some interesting ideas into the genre with this film, including using a lawn mower light enough to pick up and walk behind as a way to cut a deadly swatch through a zombie horde, should you ever have the chance to do so. Some key scenes to note: when the mother has her club president and husband over for dinner, the pudding scene is just masterfully done - I’ve yet to see any horror fan be able to watch it and not have to see it again because they looked away; the kung-fu preacher in the cemetery at the local church; and my personal favorite: a blonde woman screaming who just happens to have a tight-in shot from the camera focused on her face, and suddenly a zombie punches through the back of her head and exits her face through her mouth, almost directly into the camera - I fell out of my seat the first time. An overall enjoyable film - always a crowd pleaser.
#3: Return of the Living Dead
Although originally intended to be a parody, this film definitely has it’s ‘scare’ moments. It picks up where Romero’s ‘Night of the Living Dead’ films peter off, leaving a warehouse responsible for the storage and eventual disposal of the zombies from the first Romero film. While not a Romero project, the characters openly mock the movies, stating (upon seeing how fast the zombies move - these are runners, not shufflers) “they didn’t do this in the movie!!” Key scenes include the slow turning of two of the main characters into zombies, showing the incredible painful process that the toxin used to store the zombies enacts on our poor characters; a scene where the police and ambulance drivers are duped into an ambush (one of my all time favorite scary scenes - it still gets me!), and the various deaths that plague the characters throughout the film - each of them inventive in their own way.
#2: Night of the Living Dead
Made by George A. Romero in 1968, this movie is the all time serious zombie movie buff’s handbook on how to deal with a full-on invasion. It’s a classic, shot in black and white, with very little music and crudely done makeup, but man, does it hit home! Several items to note: according to this flick, everyone is out for #1 and only #1 - don’t trust anyone!; the use of firearms is good only when you have bullets; and barricade, barricade, barricade - those zombies won’t stop until they get inside! Key scenes include the turning of a family by their own little daughter with an incredible ‘murder with garden trowel’ scene, a nice fireball from a gas station scene, and of course, characters getting chased out of the cemetery by zombies after mistaking the identity of one and mocking one of the characters with the famous line, “they’re coming to get you, Barbara!” Ultimate classic.
And now…..#1: Shaun of the Dead
While a parody in its own right, this film is unlike any other zombie flick I’ve ever seen. The characters elicit emotional responses (likeable, hateable, and everywhere inbetween), the story is moving and gripping, and the zombie killing is top notch. This group elects to stay on the move and make a stand in a favorite establishment (one which will remain nameless for this publication), and all of their follies along the way. Things these characters stress through their failure: everyone carries a weapon, even the elderly; there’s always more zombies than you think there are (they’re just hiding); and zombies are not as easy to give the slip to as previously thought. Key scenes include an incredible death towards the end of the film (you’ll see what I mean), the sequencing of a zombie fight to Queen, and brilliant quote repetition throughout the film. This is, by far, my alltime favorite zombie flick, because it’s about the characters, not the situation. Their survival is the crown of the film, not the penultimate focus like so many other flicks. And this is why I can take things like: a) be sure all windows and doors are barred and locked, and the building is secure before pouring yourself a pint; b) always take an alternate route, always!; and c) things are never as bad as they seem -‘ just give it a second to work out’ from this film.
And there you have it. A bit lengthy, I’m sure. But overall, I think it fits quite well. Each film has something to be learned about the overall human condition, the need for survival, and the overall awesome killing of the undead. Check them out for yourselves; hopefully you won’t be disappointed!
NEXT WEEK: Why comic books have started sucking again, despite this author’s best voiced attempts otherwise…….STAY TUNED!