awww, too soon?
I left Parlex last week. I mostly got hired at the Nuke plant. I say mostly, because I still have to pass a piss test. everyones saying I shouldnt be too concerned, and that I'll be all set, etc. ad-nauseum. The only problem is, the inevitable Alex Roy stigma. I will fail. I will fuck it up. Something will go wrong. Everythings been going so well, and everyones actually proud of me, as of late, that I cant help but that.. What am I going to do wrong? I feel as though theres more than just my future riding on this. I quit my job, and have basically changed my life over the last 8 months to prepare for this opportunity. I managed to kick ass in both my interviews (despite being a fucking jerkoff that cant talk to people under pressure)and Ive managed to not fuck up anything thus far with the whole... starting this job thing.
I guess Im scared that I might actually finally get a chance to grow up. something may actually go in my favor, and I dont know if Im ready for that. Im pretty sure I am, because I know I want too. I feel as though if I get part of my life straightened out finally, maybe I'll finally manage to get my love-life figured out and maybe.. you know.. working, finally? That would be super. this is a terrible rant. because Im just trying to convince myself that things will be ok. I guess this is my way if building confidence. because lawd knows, I need it.
I guess Im scared that I might actually finally get a chance to grow up. something may actually go in my favor, and I dont know if Im ready for that. Im pretty sure I am, because I know I want too. I feel as though if I get part of my life straightened out finally, maybe I'll finally manage to get my love-life figured out and maybe.. you know.. working, finally? That would be super. this is a terrible rant. because Im just trying to convince myself that things will be ok. I guess this is my way if building confidence. because lawd knows, I need it.