Fishes, Porn, and Childishness - A Bachelor Party Exposed
Yesterday, I was involved in a Bachelor Party (a college friend of mine is getting married next Saturday) The party involved a morning of deep-sea fishing which was followed up with an evening of a not-so-conventional nature.
Deap-Sea Fishing
The day started out at 5:30 a.m. It feels somewhat unnatural getting up at such an ungodly hour on a Saturday, but we had to drive to Ocean City, NJ to make our 8:00 a.m. appointment with the chartered boat, so I'll let it slide. The "Deep-Sea Fishing" actually turned out to be harbor fishing as the weather did not cooperate (high-winds and 8-foot swells do not a good sea-fairing experience make, especially in a smaller craft). Fishing was poor (between the six of us, we caught only three fish), but at least I won the pool for the "biggest fish" -- a goodly-sized sea robin, which is a strange-looking beast, indeed -- and the Best Man of the wedding (coordinator of the Bachelor Party) won the pool for the first fish. The trip may not have been fun had it actually not been for the foul weather. Although we were only in the harbor, the water was still very choppy (waves crashing into the side of the boat and causing the ship to pitch and roll -- my sea legs got an excellent workout) and the winds were blowing brine all over the place. Naturally, this made things a little more exciting and ultimately compensated us for the lousy fishing. Despite the fact that the fishing conditions might sound like a perfect formula for producing sea sickness, I am happy to report that not a single one of us "fed the fishes."
After the fishing, everyone went home and got cleaned up. Later, we all reconvened at the Best Man's house to continue the 2nd leg of the bachelor party.
Porn
Since nudity is a "standard requirement" at any Bachelor party and since many members of the party (including myself, the Best Man and the Groom-to-be) are not fond of "professional exotic entertainers" (read: strippers), it was decided that Porn was the answer... but not what one might think. It was decided to put a twist on the "standard" by getting "Classic" pornography. Initially, I thought this was to be porn from the 20's (which it was), but it also included other "classic" titles such as Debbie does Dallas and Behing the Green Door. I was very curious to see what porn from the 20's was like thinking that it would reveal a before-unknown-to-me aspect of the past and add insight as to how the world has changed in the last century or something, but I was ultimately disappointed. The 20's porn was a silent film with cuts to dialogue written in French (which was not surprising after I thought about it), but it had all of the same conventions (oral sex, penetration, and whatnot) that modern-day porn has. It appears that the only thing that has changed is color and sound. I really don't know what I was expecting, but whatever it was, my expectations were not met.
"Childishness"
As I had predicted before the 2nd portion of the party got underway, the porn didn't last long -- I think total interest time was approximately 3 minutes. We all (with the exception of a few diehard porn fans) then turned our attention to the main attraction of the evening: Crossbows & Catapults. For those who may not recall (or ever heard of it), C & B is a game played with a bazillion little plastic castle-like pieces and little men that are set up on the floor by opposing players. The object of the game is for the opponents to decimate each other's "fortresses" and knock over the little men with rubber-band-powered "crossbows" and "catapults" which shoot little plastic pucks. The first player to knock over all of his or her opponent's little men wins. My friends found the C & B at a Toys -R- Us a few years back and picked up 3 boxes of the game so that they could combine them all to make a much larger version of the game. [Side note: I'm not too sure if they even make the game anymore given that eye loss was probably rampant at the height of the game's popularity.] Sure, it is a kids game (however, the box does say "for ages 6 and UP"), but its interesting what happens when you take a seemingly innocent recreation and get a bunch of adults directly involved. First off, there was legal drinking (as opposed to the illegal kind that kids do) which always makes everything more fun. Second, there was elaborate gambling (inspired and directed my yours truly, of course) which involved payoff scales and point spreads (or, in this case, men-standing spreads). Third, there was the insightful and articulate rules arbitration (i.e. fighting over the rules) filled with some of the most clever false logic that I have been able to experience in years. Needless to say, good times were had by all. After (I kid you not) 6 hours of constant play (I devised a bracket system of "play offs" which made things go longer than expected) the final champion was decided (which, sadly, was not me, but I came very close). Since it was approximately 3:00 a.m. by the time the game ended, everyone was exhausted, so we all split off and went our separate ways and were all very thankful that the wedding was not the next day.
Deap-Sea Fishing
The day started out at 5:30 a.m. It feels somewhat unnatural getting up at such an ungodly hour on a Saturday, but we had to drive to Ocean City, NJ to make our 8:00 a.m. appointment with the chartered boat, so I'll let it slide. The "Deep-Sea Fishing" actually turned out to be harbor fishing as the weather did not cooperate (high-winds and 8-foot swells do not a good sea-fairing experience make, especially in a smaller craft). Fishing was poor (between the six of us, we caught only three fish), but at least I won the pool for the "biggest fish" -- a goodly-sized sea robin, which is a strange-looking beast, indeed -- and the Best Man of the wedding (coordinator of the Bachelor Party) won the pool for the first fish. The trip may not have been fun had it actually not been for the foul weather. Although we were only in the harbor, the water was still very choppy (waves crashing into the side of the boat and causing the ship to pitch and roll -- my sea legs got an excellent workout) and the winds were blowing brine all over the place. Naturally, this made things a little more exciting and ultimately compensated us for the lousy fishing. Despite the fact that the fishing conditions might sound like a perfect formula for producing sea sickness, I am happy to report that not a single one of us "fed the fishes."
After the fishing, everyone went home and got cleaned up. Later, we all reconvened at the Best Man's house to continue the 2nd leg of the bachelor party.
Porn
Since nudity is a "standard requirement" at any Bachelor party and since many members of the party (including myself, the Best Man and the Groom-to-be) are not fond of "professional exotic entertainers" (read: strippers), it was decided that Porn was the answer... but not what one might think. It was decided to put a twist on the "standard" by getting "Classic" pornography. Initially, I thought this was to be porn from the 20's (which it was), but it also included other "classic" titles such as Debbie does Dallas and Behing the Green Door. I was very curious to see what porn from the 20's was like thinking that it would reveal a before-unknown-to-me aspect of the past and add insight as to how the world has changed in the last century or something, but I was ultimately disappointed. The 20's porn was a silent film with cuts to dialogue written in French (which was not surprising after I thought about it), but it had all of the same conventions (oral sex, penetration, and whatnot) that modern-day porn has. It appears that the only thing that has changed is color and sound. I really don't know what I was expecting, but whatever it was, my expectations were not met.
"Childishness"
As I had predicted before the 2nd portion of the party got underway, the porn didn't last long -- I think total interest time was approximately 3 minutes. We all (with the exception of a few diehard porn fans) then turned our attention to the main attraction of the evening: Crossbows & Catapults. For those who may not recall (or ever heard of it), C & B is a game played with a bazillion little plastic castle-like pieces and little men that are set up on the floor by opposing players. The object of the game is for the opponents to decimate each other's "fortresses" and knock over the little men with rubber-band-powered "crossbows" and "catapults" which shoot little plastic pucks. The first player to knock over all of his or her opponent's little men wins. My friends found the C & B at a Toys -R- Us a few years back and picked up 3 boxes of the game so that they could combine them all to make a much larger version of the game. [Side note: I'm not too sure if they even make the game anymore given that eye loss was probably rampant at the height of the game's popularity.] Sure, it is a kids game (however, the box does say "for ages 6 and UP"), but its interesting what happens when you take a seemingly innocent recreation and get a bunch of adults directly involved. First off, there was legal drinking (as opposed to the illegal kind that kids do) which always makes everything more fun. Second, there was elaborate gambling (inspired and directed my yours truly, of course) which involved payoff scales and point spreads (or, in this case, men-standing spreads). Third, there was the insightful and articulate rules arbitration (i.e. fighting over the rules) filled with some of the most clever false logic that I have been able to experience in years. Needless to say, good times were had by all. After (I kid you not) 6 hours of constant play (I devised a bracket system of "play offs" which made things go longer than expected) the final champion was decided (which, sadly, was not me, but I came very close). Since it was approximately 3:00 a.m. by the time the game ended, everyone was exhausted, so we all split off and went our separate ways and were all very thankful that the wedding was not the next day.