This Is Wrong
I don't understand why I cannot be happy, or rather why happiness seems like a random emotion to me. It is not as though I am miserable all day every day. However, when presented with a situation to be happy about, my anxiety builds instead of fades.
Why am I like this? What is wrong with my head? My heart?
I spent this entire week trying to pull myself up. An opportunity came along out of the blue, and while it wasn't what I was looking for in many ways, I was determined to make myself focus on the positive. I told myself that although my dreams for the future had been smashed, I could take advantage of this turn of events and make the most out of it. That sounds rather obvious, but when you are really down this is no small feat. By this afternoon, I had managed to lift my spirits to the point that everything would be great provided one condition was met.
Well, that condition was not met.
Instantly, what should have been someting to celebrate became something to beat myself up about and spend the evening feeling like shit.
How do I fix this? How do I focus on the good?
Why do I always have to search for the positive?
Why am I like this? What is wrong with my head? My heart?
I spent this entire week trying to pull myself up. An opportunity came along out of the blue, and while it wasn't what I was looking for in many ways, I was determined to make myself focus on the positive. I told myself that although my dreams for the future had been smashed, I could take advantage of this turn of events and make the most out of it. That sounds rather obvious, but when you are really down this is no small feat. By this afternoon, I had managed to lift my spirits to the point that everything would be great provided one condition was met.
Well, that condition was not met.
Instantly, what should have been someting to celebrate became something to beat myself up about and spend the evening feeling like shit.
How do I fix this? How do I focus on the good?
Why do I always have to search for the positive?