Don't Go See Transformers.
As a personal favor to me, I would kindly make a request of everybody from my livejournal or myspace friends groups who posted or emailed to tell me that the Transformers movie is awesome. Please form a line to the left to claim a special, personalized once-in-a-lifetime offer, courtesy of your old pal, that Electric Bastard, Jaeger S. Meistersen
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I guess you missed the scenes of the Autobots landing, or any scene with Megatron, perhaps because you were wincing a lot. The actual Transformers themselves, in their non Robots-In-Disguise mode, had no carburators or rubber wheels; their skins were metal-like. All their fragile parts are inside. Carburators sticking out of armpits and whatnot came after said Transformer became a robot in disguise.
The OLD transformers were easily identifiable because they were animated poorly and barely reflected the mostly chaotic jumble of crap that the old toys look like. I owned Optimus Prime. Remember him? Yeah, when you transformed him, he had NO BACK. AT ALL. You could see his innards. Megatron, transformed, looked like he was taking a dump on his narrow ass stump legs. Now, the cartoon didn't mimic that, because, well, it would look like crap. And it's easier to draw a featureless colored square than tons of little colors and details. I prefer the new look of the Transformers, as it's an attempt to make them look detailed and slightly realistic. The new toys are pretty spectacular too; easily the best Hasbro has ever made, especially Blackout.
But I guess you're just gonna complain and argue no matter what, because Transformers wasn't what you wanted it to be. Thankfully, it's not, because it's making a gajillion dollars, guaranteeing a sequel, perhaps two, hopefully made in the same vein as this movie. Which to me, and the vast majority of people that are making this movie successful, is a good thing. This movie is superior in every way than the old cartoon. Well, it's your opinion, and you were obviously set about it before you even saw the movie, so nothing's gonna change. I, for one, am gonna go buy some of the toys to decorate my place :)
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Yes. I DID pay attention to the autobots landing. That's actually the BASIS for my argument. Why the hell does an autobot need a carburetor sticking out of his forehead when they obviously landed without ever having had a carburetor in the first place? Their technology shouldn't rely on old technology and doesn't...so why do they have them in their robot modes. Oh. Wait. THey're robots IN DISGUISE! So the cops, army men, religious fanatics and gun nuts they're hiding from are going to look at 20' tall Optimus Prime in robot mode and go, "Wait...he's got a carburetor. It's after market, but it's definitely from Earth. He's kosher. Send him through. He's not an alien or nothing."
Now...what about all this gives you the idea that I was set before I saw the movie, huh? What about me offering dickbats to people who led me astray gives you the impression I went in with a closed mind, huh? Yes...silly me. The people who mis-informed me and called it a cool movie just reinforced my predetermined notion that it would suck. It's obvious. You've found me out. Who are you--Perry Mason?
It wasn't what I wanted. And not much is. Not much has artistry or quality or lasting power. No, instead, I see a movie industry flooded with more sensationalistic crap, day-in-day-out. The kind of movies people will have forgotten about six months after the video release, not the kind of movies that form a true lasting impression. That movie is based on a cartoon show that made it twenty years. TWENTY YEARS after its inception, it has the clout and draw to make a summer blockbuster in addition to all its offshoot series and toylines. TWENTY YEARS and the original series is still being released on DVD and bought up by a whole new generation of children. TWENTY YEARS! So you tell me, chuckles, if you think that this movie, twenty years from now, is still going to be moseying off the rental store shelves at a regular pace. Is Michael Bay's Transformers ever going to make the Criterion Collection? Or will it suffer for six months after an initial push in rentals and retail sales before slumping into the discount bin?
It has been judged and found lacking.
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http://www.i-mockery.com/minimocks/transformers-movie-toys/default.php
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