Choking on cake wounds.
What up Journal. It's funny because I can remember when I used to practically write out every aspect of my life. It's funny because I also remember when I could say that I remember when I wrote out every aspect of my life, and it didn't feel like it was a memory I had to struggle to hold on to. Now, that whole time feels extremely distant from me. I must say that I think time really beats my mind up more than just about anything except for maybe the idea of love, and possibly the concept of religions. But yeah, the wave of change is starting to go a little deeper for me now. I've noticed that I don't let things effect me emotionally as much as I used to, I just don't LET IT, because I don't feel like complaining about things anymore. I suppose that might be bad considering I am going into the acting field, where feeling is everything.. but I just have been a little blank. Now, when I hug my friends, I hug them a little tighter and a little closer, because I know... this may be the last time I might hug them for awhile. It also might be because I am really starting to crave some company. Bad timing. This last month is going to be weird. I don't have a job lined up any longer, it's practically just going to be waiting, and packing and getting drunk with old friends and meeting new friends. Transition stages are so weird because you feel like you are floating without direction.
Another question: How many people can say that they have never had an emotional conversation with a parent? I mean. I NEVER have had an emotional conversation with my father, except for when he was ill I would get extremely emotional.
Another question: Have you seen Muhulland Drive? Because if you haven't, go check it out. It's weird as hell, but it deserves like at least 3 views for you to start making logical theories on it. It's not a horror movie, but it is a little jumpy, but it's hard not to stay glued to it unless you are too "what in the hell is going on"ish to care anymore. I actually read an essay on the movie the next morning, because I was so curious about it. Advisory notice/incentive (depending on who you are): Longest lesbian scene I've ever seen in a movie that wasn't sold in a black bag.
This is going to be a long entry I can tell, so sorry. You'll get over it, I don't write too often.
Observation: I'm to the point where I don't really care that I'm addicted to smoking too much anymore. I was so ashamed of it for so long and so concerned with trying to quit and my dad finding out and I would have nightmares about it. But now.. not really. Bad. Oh well. What's weird is that I actually had a dream last night that my brother (who I haven't seen in a few years) was confronting me about cigarettes, and he told me that he had smoked for years and never told anyone. As far as I know though, my brother hates cigarettes. I just sat out on the back porch smoking and realized I have been doing this for over a year now.. I remember LAST summer when I started and Ashton came over one night at like 1 in the morning while I was reading Power and the Glory for summer reading and she brought me cigs (because i was too young) and we sat and talked for a couple of hours and my neighbors came outside and yelled at us for whispering. That lady must have had superhero style hearing or slept right next to the back door. I miss Ashton.
Inciting incidents:
The Jewish Children Federation rewarded me a $2,000 dollar scholarship. Cool thing about it: I'm not jewish. But my mom I guess is jewish enough for me to be accepted. I guess they liked my credentials more than Texas State did. Yay! I'm going to go eat some matza.
Carrie's party: Nick and I drove to San Marcos at midnight like last week, after being thoroughly disappointed with another party that was filled with lots of gothic mexican girls that we didn't know ( i looove mexican girls though, no dissing here). Spontaneous much? We went to Carrie McK's moving out party and I met a lot of texas state college kids that actually thought I was older than than some of them. I guess that could be a good thing. I met some guy that is a directing student and he took my number and said he would throw me into a scene with 2 of the biggest names in the theatre dpeartment there, good opportunity? or drunk talk? Probably the latter, but hey, worth a shot. Carrie was extremely wasted and like dislocated her toe somehow... but seemed to enjoy ordering me around nonetheless. Nick and I got home around 4 a.m. and apparently I left some very entertaining messages on several people's phones, so my apologies. Although you can't deny that I can FLOW like a madman.
Austin: On another whim, I went to Austin with Rachel Haring and family at like 10:30 p.m. a few days ago. Also quite spontaneous. A little too spontaneous for my dad who wouldn't let me take my car there. Which sucked because the next day, I had to wait until about 11 p.m. at night to get a ride home, crowded in a van with like 10 or rachel's relatives. HAHA, i LOVE the harings though... seriously contenders for a reality tv show. Extremist right wings with extremist left wings and billions of kids running around. Saw natalie which was cool, saw rachel's bitchin' apartment, went to SpiderHouse Cafe and ran into random kids that Amelia knows. Got to hang out with Cheryl and her baby and saw her hubby again. Went down 6th street and decided that I need to buy shoes in austin. The first night we kinda just went to the cafe and then watched donnie darko. The next day, slept a lot of the day and watched rachel play grand theft auto... pfft. Her roomate has awesome cds though which made me wish my laptop hadn't died so I could burn them. Bringing car to austin next time. (We might actually have a group going tomor..today.)
Jaime's Birthday Party: Very cool. I will miss these kids. After I hang around them, I start to get emo because I realize we're on different levels now. They are like family, and I feel bad because I sort of detach myself from them, but I really do love them. Happy Birthday Jaime! I hope you like the cds because it took me a long time trying to figure out what was right to put on them. Jaime and I got into a ridiculous cake fight. Started out innocently enough with some wrestling and transpired into an all out batter brawl, I've never eaten so much cake by accident. Then we took a shower with our clothes on and I'm still wet 5 hours later. Hung out with cory, nick and adriana afterwards, left my shoes at Timmary's by accident and walked barefoot around a hookah bar, and to sonic where we ran into Matt Rullo, and talked about college and directions and miscellaneous whatever the hell.
I still don't know where I'm dorming or whom I'm dorming with. TSU are some procrastinating bitches.
Playing lots of poker. Win some. Lose some. Don't really matter, it's all about the memory. But I'm earning a little more respect now at the table. (excluding that last horrid night)
Found monologue to do from The Zoo Story ( a very awesome and SHORT play by Edward Albee. Go read it.)
And last but not least, my hormones are on the fritz and I need female. I'm like a rated R movie, 17 and up please. Just show up, don't care who you are. Well, yes I do. Just ignore this, it's just a frustrated labido typing too fast for me to control. Seriously though, I'll make you feel gooooooooood. Oh shut the fuck up michael. Okay. Ending sex thoughts and thinking about.. basketball.
Happy 3:20. G'night.
-Mike.
Another question: How many people can say that they have never had an emotional conversation with a parent? I mean. I NEVER have had an emotional conversation with my father, except for when he was ill I would get extremely emotional.
Another question: Have you seen Muhulland Drive? Because if you haven't, go check it out. It's weird as hell, but it deserves like at least 3 views for you to start making logical theories on it. It's not a horror movie, but it is a little jumpy, but it's hard not to stay glued to it unless you are too "what in the hell is going on"ish to care anymore. I actually read an essay on the movie the next morning, because I was so curious about it. Advisory notice/incentive (depending on who you are): Longest lesbian scene I've ever seen in a movie that wasn't sold in a black bag.
This is going to be a long entry I can tell, so sorry. You'll get over it, I don't write too often.
Observation: I'm to the point where I don't really care that I'm addicted to smoking too much anymore. I was so ashamed of it for so long and so concerned with trying to quit and my dad finding out and I would have nightmares about it. But now.. not really. Bad. Oh well. What's weird is that I actually had a dream last night that my brother (who I haven't seen in a few years) was confronting me about cigarettes, and he told me that he had smoked for years and never told anyone. As far as I know though, my brother hates cigarettes. I just sat out on the back porch smoking and realized I have been doing this for over a year now.. I remember LAST summer when I started and Ashton came over one night at like 1 in the morning while I was reading Power and the Glory for summer reading and she brought me cigs (because i was too young) and we sat and talked for a couple of hours and my neighbors came outside and yelled at us for whispering. That lady must have had superhero style hearing or slept right next to the back door. I miss Ashton.
Inciting incidents:
The Jewish Children Federation rewarded me a $2,000 dollar scholarship. Cool thing about it: I'm not jewish. But my mom I guess is jewish enough for me to be accepted. I guess they liked my credentials more than Texas State did. Yay! I'm going to go eat some matza.
Carrie's party: Nick and I drove to San Marcos at midnight like last week, after being thoroughly disappointed with another party that was filled with lots of gothic mexican girls that we didn't know ( i looove mexican girls though, no dissing here). Spontaneous much? We went to Carrie McK's moving out party and I met a lot of texas state college kids that actually thought I was older than than some of them. I guess that could be a good thing. I met some guy that is a directing student and he took my number and said he would throw me into a scene with 2 of the biggest names in the theatre dpeartment there, good opportunity? or drunk talk? Probably the latter, but hey, worth a shot. Carrie was extremely wasted and like dislocated her toe somehow... but seemed to enjoy ordering me around nonetheless. Nick and I got home around 4 a.m. and apparently I left some very entertaining messages on several people's phones, so my apologies. Although you can't deny that I can FLOW like a madman.
Austin: On another whim, I went to Austin with Rachel Haring and family at like 10:30 p.m. a few days ago. Also quite spontaneous. A little too spontaneous for my dad who wouldn't let me take my car there. Which sucked because the next day, I had to wait until about 11 p.m. at night to get a ride home, crowded in a van with like 10 or rachel's relatives. HAHA, i LOVE the harings though... seriously contenders for a reality tv show. Extremist right wings with extremist left wings and billions of kids running around. Saw natalie which was cool, saw rachel's bitchin' apartment, went to SpiderHouse Cafe and ran into random kids that Amelia knows. Got to hang out with Cheryl and her baby and saw her hubby again. Went down 6th street and decided that I need to buy shoes in austin. The first night we kinda just went to the cafe and then watched donnie darko. The next day, slept a lot of the day and watched rachel play grand theft auto... pfft. Her roomate has awesome cds though which made me wish my laptop hadn't died so I could burn them. Bringing car to austin next time. (We might actually have a group going tomor..today.)
Jaime's Birthday Party: Very cool. I will miss these kids. After I hang around them, I start to get emo because I realize we're on different levels now. They are like family, and I feel bad because I sort of detach myself from them, but I really do love them. Happy Birthday Jaime! I hope you like the cds because it took me a long time trying to figure out what was right to put on them. Jaime and I got into a ridiculous cake fight. Started out innocently enough with some wrestling and transpired into an all out batter brawl, I've never eaten so much cake by accident. Then we took a shower with our clothes on and I'm still wet 5 hours later. Hung out with cory, nick and adriana afterwards, left my shoes at Timmary's by accident and walked barefoot around a hookah bar, and to sonic where we ran into Matt Rullo, and talked about college and directions and miscellaneous whatever the hell.
I still don't know where I'm dorming or whom I'm dorming with. TSU are some procrastinating bitches.
Playing lots of poker. Win some. Lose some. Don't really matter, it's all about the memory. But I'm earning a little more respect now at the table. (excluding that last horrid night)
Found monologue to do from The Zoo Story ( a very awesome and SHORT play by Edward Albee. Go read it.)
And last but not least, my hormones are on the fritz and I need female. I'm like a rated R movie, 17 and up please. Just show up, don't care who you are. Well, yes I do. Just ignore this, it's just a frustrated labido typing too fast for me to control. Seriously though, I'll make you feel gooooooooood. Oh shut the fuck up michael. Okay. Ending sex thoughts and thinking about.. basketball.
Happy 3:20. G'night.
-Mike.