Democratic Republic of Flay: MBEER Questions
Questions! To the Secretary Of State For Business, Employment, Escapes and Remuneration (MBEER). Questions to be asked in an against/for pattern.
Q. 1 (con): What progress has been made in finding new employment outside of the BBC?
Applications have been filed with Channel 4, Universal Films and other media industry giants. However, in spite of these efforts, no opportunities to leave the aegis of the BBC have yet presented themselves. MBEER is committed to buying the Guardian every week, browsing the Grapevine jobs website, and will soon be launching a new initiative to put the international profile of the DRF on various job sites in the hope that someone may approach the DRF with an opprtunity to branch out into new business.
Q. 2 (pro): What changes are afoot for the future of the DRF's current employment arrangements?
As of April 28th, the DRF's role within BBC Parliament will change; no longer will the DRF be involved in the day-to-day operations of the channel, but will rather have its talents transferred to maintaining the BBC Parliament website. While this may not sound very promising, it will actually free up the DRF to do much more filming and to participate in interview and programme production, and will enable the development of new skills with software much in use in mainstream BBC News.
Q. 3 (con): Will the DRF still have to endure the intransigencies of its immediate client, colloquially known as the Insufferable Twat, under the new arrangements?
Unfortunately, the new working arrangements will necessitate much closer proximity to the Insufferable Twat. His efforts to find alternative employment are proving as ineffectual as those of the DRF and many others within the BBC - at a time of massive layoffs, it is hard for a person of talent to find new work, never mind an inept, arrogant, silver-spoon-up-his-ass oxygen thief such as the IT. However, the DRF is confident that sufficiently icy stares and a refusal to speak in plain English should deter him from being too much of a nuisance.
Q. 4 (pro): What will be the impact of the new employment arrangements, and what of the DRF's future plans for the next six months?
From April 28th until early August, the DRF will be employed on a 9-5 Monday-Friday basis. This will enable the DRF to pursue other activities previously denied the nation state, as it can guarantee international commitments on an unprecedented scale. As of early August, there will be a return to brutal working hours for the duration of the Beijing Olympics, as the DRF will be directly involved in editing live BBC Sport output. This will be gruelling, but the potential future benefits career-wise are incalculable, and the extra money from resuming night and overtime shifts will enable the DRF to go on holiday this year. On returning from holiday, the DRF will spend some time at the seaside covering the political conferences, and will then resume work in the sausage factory; in anticipation of this, the DRF will be seeking alternative employment as soon as the Olympics phase of the operation commences. All in all, I confidently predict a bright future for the DRF if all goes well in this role.
Q. 5 (con): What work has MBEER done to secure future escape engagements?
MBEER has been somewhat remiss in pursuing new escape engagements this year; however, it was always the declared intention of the Ministry to put new escape work aside while finding a satisfactory solution to the employment crisis. In spite of this inactivity, however, the DRF has performed in four escapes so far this year, has a fifth guaranteed on April 23rd, and had to cancel a sixth two weeks ago due to staff illness.
Q. 6 (pro): What future is there for the DRF's performance portfolio, and what expansions are planned?
The DRF's performance portfolio is expanding very healthily. A new straitjacket routine has been devised, perfected and performed twice. The WMD equipment for a bullet catch routine should, all things being well, be tested this weekend. Once the DRF's entry into the Equity Trade Union is confirmed, the paperwork required for transport and public usage of WMDs will be sought from the local authorities; few problems are anticipated in this process once Equity membership is in place. Further to this, the DRF has recently acquired some stilts, and MBEER anticipates the addition of stilt-walking to its available skillset within a month. Plans for a website have been sorely hampered in recent months, but this shall be vigorously pursued in the near future.
This session is now open to supplementary questions.
All Hail Edwinbashi!
Q. 1 (con): What progress has been made in finding new employment outside of the BBC?
Applications have been filed with Channel 4, Universal Films and other media industry giants. However, in spite of these efforts, no opportunities to leave the aegis of the BBC have yet presented themselves. MBEER is committed to buying the Guardian every week, browsing the Grapevine jobs website, and will soon be launching a new initiative to put the international profile of the DRF on various job sites in the hope that someone may approach the DRF with an opprtunity to branch out into new business.
Q. 2 (pro): What changes are afoot for the future of the DRF's current employment arrangements?
As of April 28th, the DRF's role within BBC Parliament will change; no longer will the DRF be involved in the day-to-day operations of the channel, but will rather have its talents transferred to maintaining the BBC Parliament website. While this may not sound very promising, it will actually free up the DRF to do much more filming and to participate in interview and programme production, and will enable the development of new skills with software much in use in mainstream BBC News.
Q. 3 (con): Will the DRF still have to endure the intransigencies of its immediate client, colloquially known as the Insufferable Twat, under the new arrangements?
Unfortunately, the new working arrangements will necessitate much closer proximity to the Insufferable Twat. His efforts to find alternative employment are proving as ineffectual as those of the DRF and many others within the BBC - at a time of massive layoffs, it is hard for a person of talent to find new work, never mind an inept, arrogant, silver-spoon-up-his-ass oxygen thief such as the IT. However, the DRF is confident that sufficiently icy stares and a refusal to speak in plain English should deter him from being too much of a nuisance.
Q. 4 (pro): What will be the impact of the new employment arrangements, and what of the DRF's future plans for the next six months?
From April 28th until early August, the DRF will be employed on a 9-5 Monday-Friday basis. This will enable the DRF to pursue other activities previously denied the nation state, as it can guarantee international commitments on an unprecedented scale. As of early August, there will be a return to brutal working hours for the duration of the Beijing Olympics, as the DRF will be directly involved in editing live BBC Sport output. This will be gruelling, but the potential future benefits career-wise are incalculable, and the extra money from resuming night and overtime shifts will enable the DRF to go on holiday this year. On returning from holiday, the DRF will spend some time at the seaside covering the political conferences, and will then resume work in the sausage factory; in anticipation of this, the DRF will be seeking alternative employment as soon as the Olympics phase of the operation commences. All in all, I confidently predict a bright future for the DRF if all goes well in this role.
Q. 5 (con): What work has MBEER done to secure future escape engagements?
MBEER has been somewhat remiss in pursuing new escape engagements this year; however, it was always the declared intention of the Ministry to put new escape work aside while finding a satisfactory solution to the employment crisis. In spite of this inactivity, however, the DRF has performed in four escapes so far this year, has a fifth guaranteed on April 23rd, and had to cancel a sixth two weeks ago due to staff illness.
Q. 6 (pro): What future is there for the DRF's performance portfolio, and what expansions are planned?
The DRF's performance portfolio is expanding very healthily. A new straitjacket routine has been devised, perfected and performed twice. The WMD equipment for a bullet catch routine should, all things being well, be tested this weekend. Once the DRF's entry into the Equity Trade Union is confirmed, the paperwork required for transport and public usage of WMDs will be sought from the local authorities; few problems are anticipated in this process once Equity membership is in place. Further to this, the DRF has recently acquired some stilts, and MBEER anticipates the addition of stilt-walking to its available skillset within a month. Plans for a website have been sorely hampered in recent months, but this shall be vigorously pursued in the near future.
This session is now open to supplementary questions.
All Hail Edwinbashi!