It's a.... a jellyfish
Hey everyone, I'm back in school again and loving it. I now live in the hallowed halls of DKE, cut off from all life outside of New Brunswick. You see, I have no internet. I've been offline and out of touch. My whole house has no internet! Hahaha it sucks, I know, but I'm a junkie so I come down to the student center computer labs to get my fix.
Things have been going good so far, really good. I got here ahh... lets see, the 24th? And that is, to stay. I had training to become a red shirt which is like an orientation guide for the incoming freshmen. The training. Fucking. Sucked. Hands down, no contest, it was a suck-fest unlike the world has ever before witnessed to this date. 17 times I considered putting my neck under the wheels of a car on a hill and slamming it into neutral. I would have fantasies at night of my balls getting stuck in door jambs, cheese graters, and continuum transfunctioners... anything to get myself out of training and closer to meeting the first years.
And you know what? I had a great fucking time when they did come. Well, sometimes at least. The thing that sucks about NSO (New Student Orientation) was that they scheduled all these gay little activities back-to-back and leaving very little time to hang out. I'm not sure why they did this, because in that oppressive New Bruns heat, no one wants to go outside of their already-sweltering dorms and take a walk so they can attend a seminar. Its just dumb. "Hey kiddies, better get out of those no-A/C rooms and talk a walk through the 8 circles of hell so you can attend a 30 minutes lecture in scott hall about just why its a bad idea to give your keys to strangers. Obviously since you're dumb enough to do that, you'll be dumb enough to come to this. You little shits"
The worst part, by far I think, is not just the entire schedule. Its not just the heat, or the sleepless nights, or the early wake ups. It was the fact that I had to excite these kids about going to bullshit orientation talks and that I would have to attend them too. At least I got to both catch up on my sleep AND make jokes during the date rape show (I never understand how people can take them so seriously. Nothing like a good rape joke to lighten up the mood EH? 'Hey, whys he raping her? I've stuck my dick in better looking electrical outlets!' followed by roaring laughter). But the others were just so boring, not even my inappropiate comments or snoring could lighten the mood. Hey- I've been raped by an aquantaince once and I survived, you girls need to lighten up. But now that I think of it... I guess life just hasn't been the same since my night with Fatney. Time to go be depressed...
Anywhoo, after all that its kinda chill. I'm not supposed to at all, but I'm pretty much on a nice recruiting drive for my fraternity. These kids are damned near afraid that if they don't go Greek, their social lives will be complete shit. Of course, I may have had some part of the spreading of this belief but thats what I do best- lie. If I'm to come clean on things, it might as well be here, right? On top of that, I talk up our parties every night. The first party (Saturday) was pretty nice. Not too many people knew about it, besides older ones and those I invited. There was a nice crowd and it was still navigatable. But the next two (Sunday & Monday) were fucking packed as hell. I continued to invite unknowing freshman out for a good time and whatnot, and those who knew about it before told their friends. So far, much like my first semester here, DKE is throwing the biggest and best parties on campus and I like it like that.
On those two days it was so blazingly hot in out basement of sin and corruption due the massive amounts of people. We had to close the doors down multiple times because it was just to freaking crowded. Haha then the police will roll by the house and we can't let anybody out and huge groups will accumulate and mill about. You know, its funny to watch them on the party nights. Probably because I was part of the shit last year too. Almost everyone does it, so its fun to watch those after you bumble about the same way. They'll walk down the block in packs of 100. Its like a herd of ox walking around and looking for the best grazing fields. They'll be sorta confused and shuffle around together, never straying from the pack unless they see a doorway of opprotunity. Then they will sorta walk up the our side door and hesitate with every step. We'll be sitting around there just watching them in silence. They awkwardly walk in without a word. Its a very weird exchange that only happens in the first few weeks before we start to beat some ass. You just want to walk out and yell "STOP BEING SO WEIRD" to them. Have you every walked into someone's house like that? Well this is my house, stop being so scared and shady you dumb freshmen.
On a side note, due to their infamiliarity with the house, I've been able to convince scores of freshmen that a supply closet is indeed a bathroom, only to laugh like an asshole when they try to climb inside of it. Come on, how dumb can these guys get. Our house used to be Rutgers property, so our doors look EXACTLY the same as theirs. I'm not sure which part about our bathroom door makes it unusual and confusing for them. Is it the way it swings in and out just like your bathroom door and unlike a normal door? Is it the way it only has that flat piece of metal instead of a doorknob just like your bathroom door? Or perhaps it is the way it is on a raised bathroom step with tiles JUST like your bathroom doors? No, enlighten me, is it the way it says "MEN" on top of the door that astounds you? I'm trying to figure this out, for it makes little to no sense to me. I never did that when I was new...not even when I was wasted or blazed out of my mind.
Oh yeah, I'm sitting here next to Laura Misthals boyfriend, Marc. Or Mark. I've heard about him before, not sure if it was from talking to Laura or kaitlin Red and her friends. He's not at all who I thought him to be
Speaking of which, I've been having a lot of fun so far. I've got to get it out of my system so I can have a good school year. So far, I've done good. Kept the partying to the weekends and the booking to the weekdays. Thats all I need to do, that and go to class. And I'll be set for life. Here's to a good year, here's to a sweet piece of ass, and Here's to all the drinks and I'll be drinking.
I've been thinking about switching majors for some time now. Engineering is good and all but If I'm going to be somewhat miserable, I might as well be rich for it too. I've heard that accounting and actuary work is the way to go now-a-days for the highest misery-wealth tradeoff. I figure that if I can do that for a few years, reach the heigh of my misery and right before I take that plunge of the top of clothier, switch over to become a history teacher and live a nice long life. It's something to think about. Aiight, I'm tired of being in here and need a beer. Adios
And a toast to the new year
Drink every beer, take every hit
Wake up on the floor covered in shit.
Take every shot, down every drink
Smoke till your brain can no longer think
Smack every ass, gain every pound
Pull your drunk ass up off the ground
Wear every hoodie, cry every May
Cherish every moment you can remember the next day.
Things have been going good so far, really good. I got here ahh... lets see, the 24th? And that is, to stay. I had training to become a red shirt which is like an orientation guide for the incoming freshmen. The training. Fucking. Sucked. Hands down, no contest, it was a suck-fest unlike the world has ever before witnessed to this date. 17 times I considered putting my neck under the wheels of a car on a hill and slamming it into neutral. I would have fantasies at night of my balls getting stuck in door jambs, cheese graters, and continuum transfunctioners... anything to get myself out of training and closer to meeting the first years.
And you know what? I had a great fucking time when they did come. Well, sometimes at least. The thing that sucks about NSO (New Student Orientation) was that they scheduled all these gay little activities back-to-back and leaving very little time to hang out. I'm not sure why they did this, because in that oppressive New Bruns heat, no one wants to go outside of their already-sweltering dorms and take a walk so they can attend a seminar. Its just dumb. "Hey kiddies, better get out of those no-A/C rooms and talk a walk through the 8 circles of hell so you can attend a 30 minutes lecture in scott hall about just why its a bad idea to give your keys to strangers. Obviously since you're dumb enough to do that, you'll be dumb enough to come to this. You little shits"
The worst part, by far I think, is not just the entire schedule. Its not just the heat, or the sleepless nights, or the early wake ups. It was the fact that I had to excite these kids about going to bullshit orientation talks and that I would have to attend them too. At least I got to both catch up on my sleep AND make jokes during the date rape show (I never understand how people can take them so seriously. Nothing like a good rape joke to lighten up the mood EH? 'Hey, whys he raping her? I've stuck my dick in better looking electrical outlets!' followed by roaring laughter). But the others were just so boring, not even my inappropiate comments or snoring could lighten the mood. Hey- I've been raped by an aquantaince once and I survived, you girls need to lighten up. But now that I think of it... I guess life just hasn't been the same since my night with Fatney. Time to go be depressed...
Anywhoo, after all that its kinda chill. I'm not supposed to at all, but I'm pretty much on a nice recruiting drive for my fraternity. These kids are damned near afraid that if they don't go Greek, their social lives will be complete shit. Of course, I may have had some part of the spreading of this belief but thats what I do best- lie. If I'm to come clean on things, it might as well be here, right? On top of that, I talk up our parties every night. The first party (Saturday) was pretty nice. Not too many people knew about it, besides older ones and those I invited. There was a nice crowd and it was still navigatable. But the next two (Sunday & Monday) were fucking packed as hell. I continued to invite unknowing freshman out for a good time and whatnot, and those who knew about it before told their friends. So far, much like my first semester here, DKE is throwing the biggest and best parties on campus and I like it like that.
On those two days it was so blazingly hot in out basement of sin and corruption due the massive amounts of people. We had to close the doors down multiple times because it was just to freaking crowded. Haha then the police will roll by the house and we can't let anybody out and huge groups will accumulate and mill about. You know, its funny to watch them on the party nights. Probably because I was part of the shit last year too. Almost everyone does it, so its fun to watch those after you bumble about the same way. They'll walk down the block in packs of 100. Its like a herd of ox walking around and looking for the best grazing fields. They'll be sorta confused and shuffle around together, never straying from the pack unless they see a doorway of opprotunity. Then they will sorta walk up the our side door and hesitate with every step. We'll be sitting around there just watching them in silence. They awkwardly walk in without a word. Its a very weird exchange that only happens in the first few weeks before we start to beat some ass. You just want to walk out and yell "STOP BEING SO WEIRD" to them. Have you every walked into someone's house like that? Well this is my house, stop being so scared and shady you dumb freshmen.
On a side note, due to their infamiliarity with the house, I've been able to convince scores of freshmen that a supply closet is indeed a bathroom, only to laugh like an asshole when they try to climb inside of it. Come on, how dumb can these guys get. Our house used to be Rutgers property, so our doors look EXACTLY the same as theirs. I'm not sure which part about our bathroom door makes it unusual and confusing for them. Is it the way it swings in and out just like your bathroom door and unlike a normal door? Is it the way it only has that flat piece of metal instead of a doorknob just like your bathroom door? Or perhaps it is the way it is on a raised bathroom step with tiles JUST like your bathroom doors? No, enlighten me, is it the way it says "MEN" on top of the door that astounds you? I'm trying to figure this out, for it makes little to no sense to me. I never did that when I was new...not even when I was wasted or blazed out of my mind.
Oh yeah, I'm sitting here next to Laura Misthals boyfriend, Marc. Or Mark. I've heard about him before, not sure if it was from talking to Laura or kaitlin Red and her friends. He's not at all who I thought him to be
Speaking of which, I've been having a lot of fun so far. I've got to get it out of my system so I can have a good school year. So far, I've done good. Kept the partying to the weekends and the booking to the weekdays. Thats all I need to do, that and go to class. And I'll be set for life. Here's to a good year, here's to a sweet piece of ass, and Here's to all the drinks and I'll be drinking.
I've been thinking about switching majors for some time now. Engineering is good and all but If I'm going to be somewhat miserable, I might as well be rich for it too. I've heard that accounting and actuary work is the way to go now-a-days for the highest misery-wealth tradeoff. I figure that if I can do that for a few years, reach the heigh of my misery and right before I take that plunge of the top of clothier, switch over to become a history teacher and live a nice long life. It's something to think about. Aiight, I'm tired of being in here and need a beer. Adios
And a toast to the new year
Drink every beer, take every hit
Wake up on the floor covered in shit.
Take every shot, down every drink
Smoke till your brain can no longer think
Smack every ass, gain every pound
Pull your drunk ass up off the ground
Wear every hoodie, cry every May
Cherish every moment you can remember the next day.