Fic: Blaze Of Glory (1/?)

[mpregloveranon]

Title: Blaze of Glory
Authors: luscious_rebel & mpregloveranon
Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Mpreg, Character Death (no main characters), H/C
Disclaimer: We just own a kinky imagination. The characters belong to CW, Kripke and whoever else is rightfully making money with them. The title and lyrics belong to Bon Jovi.
Summary: Wild, wild West and we find Dean and Sam in the middle of it. Used to a peaceful living on their parents’ farm Dean’s and Sam’s normal lives change drastically, when they return from a day out in the fields to find their home lit up in flames. Having to leave the only home they ever knew behind, they start their journey across the country on the backs of their horses Impala and Ivory to meet up with their great-uncle. The journey is long and troublesome but both brothers have bigger worries to deal with when Sam discloses a secret.
The story’s inspired by an old prompt on the spnkink_meme that can be found  here (big thanks to sexytexanjra, who found the prompt again for us).

You ask If I'll grow to be a wise man
Well I ask if I'll grow old
You ask me if I known love
And what it's like to sing songs in the rain
Well,I've seen love come
And I've seen it shot down

- Blaze of Glory by Bon Jovi

Sam watched the sun sinking down. It was getting dark and there was just a little hint of an orange glow visible on the horizon. Like so often the day had been nice. He just loved spending his days in Dean's company. Sadly during that season the two brothers rarely found any time to stray and enjoy the wide open nature around their parents’ farm. The summer sun and its warm glow always made Sam’s mood lighten up after a long dark winter was gone, but it also meant lots of tasks to do and less time for Dean and him to leave work on the farm behind to enjoy themselves.

Ever since they had started to share intimate feelings, they used to make sure their parents wouldn't miss them when they headed away from the farm to spend some quality time with each other. That afternoon they had been able to leave for a picnic for a couple of hours and Sam had enjoyed it so much to feel Dean's skin on his own again. Just the thought of it sent shivers through his body, as he rode his beautiful white mare, Ivory. It was the mother of Dean's horse, Impala, and it seemed like the hot tempered black stallion suited his brother perfectly. Sam gave him an affectionate look as they headed back to the plot of land their parents owned.

“I can’t wait to see what Mom made for dinner. I’m starving,” Dean announced out of the blue, breaking the peaceful moment with his comment. He threw one of his trademark smirks in Sam’s direction and his heart warmed at the happy, loving smile he saw on his brother’s beautiful face. Holding eye contact for a moment, while riding their horses next to each other, the twenty-year-old made a grab for Ivory’s reins and pulled the mare closer to his horse, quickly leaning over to share a kiss with his brother and lover. They had noticed their non-brotherly feelings for each other when Sam had turned fourteen and still hadn’t shown any interest in all the girls, who had started throwing themselves at him at school or even after Sunday mass, while everyone’s parents were talking to each other before going home. Dean had already been having special feelings for his baby brother for a while back then but he been afraid to admit those wicked thoughts to himself, let alone Sam. Eventually it had been Sam who had made the first move on one of their rides.

"Dean..." Sam chuckled a bit as their lips parted again. "How often did I tell you to not let the horses bump into each other? They'll get nervous." Not really, they didn't and actually Sam enjoyed the attention his brother was giving him, it was just that he was still dwelling on the memory of their make out, which only lay back a few minutes but he would rather hang onto his thoughts for a bit longer than to be brought back to reality already. Little did he know reality would welcome him even harder than he thought possible, as he suddenly saw some black smoke rising up in the distance behind Dean. Right in the direction of their farm there was an arrangement of black and grey smoke, which seemed to embrace the air and dance in it. "Dean..." Sam spoke up again and stared at the spot, which had caught his gaze. This time, though, his voice sounded shocked instead of loving and teasing.

Dean had also just noticed the smoke in front of them and his eyes widened in alarm. Still holding onto Ivory’s reins, he spurred Impala up the hill ahead of them to find out where the black clouds were coming from. The nagging suspicion he had, turned reality when they stopped on top of the mound and looked down into the valley, spotting their home lit up in flames. Dean sucked in a sharp breath at the sight before them, his grip on the leather straps tightening reflexively.

"Dean..." Sam couldn't believe what his eyes got to see when his mare came to stop next to Dean's horse Impala. He stared at the scene in front of him but what usually would be a breathtaking view, turned into a feeling which could best be described as horror. "Dean... We... we've got to hurry... C'mon!" There was nothing he wanted more than to get going. His thoughts were racing and all he could think about was to make it back to the farm as fast as possible, so they could help bringing the fire down. His rational mind told him different than the tiny voice in his head which talked him into the sweet illusion that everything would be fine and they'd be able to put out the blaze. However his rational mind was not what he wanted to listen to.

Nodding in agreement, Dean was about to chase their horses down the hill but then he took a closer look at the house and saw two men dragging their mom down the front porch, while another one held their dad at gunpoint. “No, Sammy!” He hissed and clasped his hand around his brother’s shoulder to hold him back, motioning towards the scene, unfolding itself before their unbelieving eyes. There was a bad feeling of foreboding churning in his gut and he wanted to look away but couldn’t take his eyes off those armed men. Frozen in place, he watched as one of the men threw their mom down the wooden steps into the dirt. Their dad launched forward and the man in front of him just pulled the trigger.

"Da...." Sam's eyes were wide in shock when he saw their father stumble as the bullet hit his chest. There was no way Sam could think about whatever made him bring up his own hand to his mouth to cover it before his scream could pierce any more of the evening air, which all of a sudden appeared to be filled with eerie silence. The picture of the man he used to know as his beloved father hitting the ground beneath his feet and their mother - Mary - trying to run over to him in order to help him - would always be burnt into his memory. Even more so because the next shot ripped through the air and he saw Mary stumbling as well as the bullet hit her the same way the first fired bullet ended their father’s life. For some reason Sam couldn't even feel Dean's hand on his shoulder anymore as his mouth was opened in shock with his digits still pressed over it.

Dean felt his heart stop for a second, as their mom’s body slumped into the dirty right next to their dad. He was so taken aback that he couldn’t even feel any grief in that moment, but he instinctively turned their horses, not even looking at Sam, and spurred them into a wild gallop away from their farm. The only thought in his head was that they were in imminent danger, if the men, who had just murdered their parents in cold blood, saw them. He had to get Sammy away, had to keep him safe, so he just raced their horses off in the direction they had come from, trying to put as much distance between them and their old home as possible, as fast as possible.

It was somewhere between asking himself why such a thing had to happen to their parents and shedding some tears, that Sam couldn't hold back, that his mind eventually became aware of what Dean was trying to do. Like so often his brother’s instincts kicked in earlier than his own and Sam understood that it had probably just saved their lives. Forcing himself to get a grip, he helped to ease the situation by finally winning back complete control over Ivory and he was making her run as fast as he could. The horse’s hooves hardly hit the ground and Sam could feel his body tensing on the mare’s back. For a good amount of time it seemed like Dean would lead them into nowhere particular but then Sam noticed that they were on the path to the mountains they used to play in during their childhood. His brother must have thought about the old caves over there. They would be a good hideout throughout the night.

The shock was still preventing Dean from breaking down in tears and the adrenalin in his system was all that was keeping him going at that point. He would get them both to the caves to spend the night there and then he would figure out what to next. They were approaching their shelter, when Dean finally slowed his horse down and took a quick glance at his brother, who was clearly fighting with his emotions. He wanted to say something to make it better but words wouldn’t change anything. They had just lost their family and home.

Sam wordlessly jumped into the dirt when he got off Ivory's back. Some dust of the sand beneath the dry blades of grass started to dance around his brown leather boots and used denim. Another moment passed in silence, while he took Ivory's reins to lead her closer to the trees next to the caves. Beneath those there was much more grass and the horses would be fine there, so he tied the reins to one of the trees and soothingly patted Ivory's neck, while he himself started to give in to his emotions. The cruel pictures he had just seen were still locked into his mind and they were replaying in colors, which seemed way too vivid to be true. They just lost everything they had. About the farm itself Sam didn't care. He could cope with that loss. What really got to him was the loss of their parents. It made him sob a little and it certainly didn't help him to feel any better to not know what to say to Dean.

The wet, sobbing noises behind him made Dean turn around, as he was about to take off Impala’s saddle. It broke his heart when he saw big tears freely running down his beloved baby brother’s cheeks and he acted on instinct, closing the short distance between them in two strides and pulling Sam into a fierce embrace. “I’m here,” he whispered into his brother’s neck, feeling wetness soak through his shirt. He wanted to say more to comfort Sam but he wasn’t one to break his promises and right now there was not much he really could promise anyone. “I’ll take care of you, Sammy.”

"Dean..." Sam lifted his head just enough to look at his older brother. "It's ok... It's hard for you too..." No matter what, he wasn't the only one being overwhelmed by grief and pain, that much Sam knew. "I'll be there too..." he promised with a voice which was weakened by tears, yet the look in his eyes showed he was telling the truth. They were the same pretty dark orbs which used to look at Dean throughout all their childhood. His gaze reminded of the one he used to put on, when he was a little boy who fell and hurt his knee, but it also held a hint of the will to fight - if only for his brother’s sake.

Nodding solemnly Dean took one last deep breath to compose himself and pulled back, his hands still resting on Sam’s shoulders for a moment. “Okay,” he squeezed his brother’s shoulders before letting go completely. “Let’s see if we find some wood to make a fire, it might get a bit chilly once night falls,” he explained matter-of-factly and gathered the saddle, as well as his duffle bag with the picnic blanket, his canteen and the leftovers from their afternoon snacks. Once more nodding at his brother, he waited for him to unsaddle Ivory as well.

Sam took a short breath and turned back to the white beauty just to caress the mare again. He wasn't allowed to cry. Well he was, but he had promised himself to not make everything worse for Dean and crying surely wouldn't make it easier. So he swallowed down his tears and tried to gain back his composure. From the corner of his eyes he watched how Dean - being his typical self - tried to make their situation as good as possible. Once Sam was done with taking care of Ivory he started to walk up and down close to their nightly hideout in order to search for some wood. Out in the wilderness it was no problem to find some dry branches and, although, the night would surely get a bit colder, they were extremely lucky that it was spring. Staying outside would have been worse in winter. When Sam was back with Dean he settled the wood he had found next to the fireplace his brother had created. "I got some..." he started explaining. Dean surely was better at making a fire, so Sam had gathered lots of wood to be helpful, too.

“That’s good,” Dean replied, taking the firewood and throwing some of it into the stone circle. Then he kneeled down onto the stony floor and fumbled in his jean pockets for some matches. He lit two of them and carefully held the matches to some dry twigs, until they caught fire. Then he added the burning wood to the rest of the pile within the stone circle and watched as the fire slowly spread, smoke and warmth instantly emanating from the growing flame. “Come here,” he asked, patting the ground next to him and shifting around until his back was leaning against the cave wall. Reaching for his pack, he started to pull out some of the cake, they had taken for their picnic, and his canteen. Dean wasn’t really hungry and he bet that neither was Sam, but everything pointed towards another long day on horseback ahead of them and they needed to keep their strength up.

"Mom baked this," Sam whispered as he sat down next to his brother. He remembered how they had had some of the cake in the afternoon. Back then they had still thought they would be able to have more cake made by their mother, whenever they asked her to prepare some.

Dean drew in a deep breath, as he felt his eyes burn with unshed tears. “I know, Sammy, but we need to eat something,” he pointed out softly and held out some of the food to his brother. “Tomorrow I’ll try to get new provisions in town, okay?” While Sam had collected the firewood, Dean had already started to plan their next day. They would ride into town and try to get a few necessary supplies, maybe ask some of their family friends for a little help, even if Dean didn’t like the idea of being in someone’s dept.

"I'll help you," Sam offered while he took a piece of the cake. He looked at it and noticed that he still didn't really get the fact, that they wouldn't see their parents ever again. No matter how hard he tried, the cake didn't taste as good as it was supposed to. Sam chewed slowly, while he fought with himself because all he wanted to do, was to taste the cake so he could remember it. It made him feel close to tears that he didn’t want to shed. As if that wouldn't be enough already, there was still that one thing he had been planning on telling Dean for days. The right moment to do so just never came along and Sam kept asking himself why it was so damn hard to confide in Dean. Probably it was because he couldn't picture Dean's reaction at all and now that things had just gotten worse for them... Oh God, he didn't want to think about it and suddenly he started to sob again.

“Hey…” Dean pulled his baby brother into a sideways hug and leaned his chin against his head, breathing in the scent of his brother and lover and feeling grounded by it. “We’ll get through this.” He still wasn’t sure how, but he knew they wouldn’t give up. That wasn’t how they had been raised and he surely wouldn’t disappoint their parents by drowning in sorrow and waiting for their own death. They would grieve but they would also find a way to keep going, some place to go to and start a new life.

"I'm not so sure about this..." Sam whimpered a little.

Carding one hand through Sam’s hair, like their mom had always done when they were little and got upset because of something, Dean whispered into his brother’s ear. “I’m scared, too, but we’ll find a way to get through this.”

The younger boy sighed. "I got something to make this worse..." His voice sounded like Sam was still afraid to turn it back to its normal volume and in fact he was scared to go on talking at all. He could tell he was tensing up, as he struggled to find the right words for what he wanted to tell Dean.

Pulling back a little to watch Sam’s sad face carefully, Dean locked eyes with his brother. He could see the light from the flames dancing in Sam’s big, soulful eyes and there was so much sadness and misery that he almost broke down in tears himself. “What is it, Sammy?” He was silently asking himself what could make their situation even worse but he had to reach out to his brother. “You can tell me anything, you know that.”

"Yeah, I know, but..." Sam fell silent as he watched the flames, before his gaze turned further down, so he only could see the dust beneath his feet. He wrapped his arms around his legs and sighed as he leaned forward to rest his forehead against his knees. "Dean, I think I'm... pregnant..." Sam let his voice trail off and the faint cracking from the wood, going down in the embrace of the fire, sounded way too loud as he waited for his brother’s the. He was scared to death about all the possibilities of a normal human reaction. This would have been bad enough to admit even if their parents would have been alive. Oh hell, Sam didn't want to imagine what would have happened if they would have found out about Dean and him being a couple. The sex itself would have freaked them out. But a pregnancy? It wasn't just the fact that he could be pregnant at 16 years old. If he really was carrying his brother’s child this would be way worse. To everyone else at least. Sam loved Dean. He could live with that. Oh sure, he'd be damn scared but he loved Dean so he wouldn't be worried about having his child. What he was afraid of was to carry a baby to term at all. He was only some innocent sixteen years old. Well, not innocent enough. Not anymore. The way Sam's voice sounded when he made his confession was flat, almost tuneless and as if it was lacking any emotions, while in fact it were his raging emotions that made him sound like that. Sam didn't know what to think anymore. He always pictured that if he'd say those words someday he'd say them in a happy voice but in that precise moment under those circumstances he just couldn't.

It took Dean a few seconds for the whispered words to really sink in and make sense. He was still trying to wrap his mind around what Sam had just told him, when he noticed his brother’s eyes watering once more. What was even worse was that he saw fear in Sammy’s eyes, fear of him, fear of his reaction, fear of being rejected maybe. “No, Sammy,” he stammered grabbing the younger teen by his upper arms and shaking his head vehemently. “Don’t freak out.” He wrecked his brains for what to say next but the only thing that came to mind and out of his mouth was “Are you sure?”

Sam turned his head to look away from Dean. He hated to bring those news to his brother and he completely understood why he was shocked like that. Biting his lower lip he just looked down. What was he supposed to say to that?

The way his brother seemed to shrink away from him, alarmed Dean. “It’s okay, Sammy. I’m not mad at you or anything. I’m… I’m just sho… surprised, you know? It’s okay really,” he reaffirmed cupping Sam’s cheek to soothe him. “So you’re sure about… the baby?”

The younger brother bit his lower lip again as he softly shook his head. "I'm not... How could I be?" he spoke up in a helpless whisper. The teenager still didn't manage to look at Dean but at least he talked.

“It’s alright, Sammy,” Dean kept murmuring to his distressed brother, while he gently rocked him. At the same time his own thoughts were racing. “What makes you think you might be pregnant, Sammy? Was your… erm… period late?”

Sam nodded at his big brother’s question. "I thought it'd be from the stress..." he admitted.

“Yeah,” the older boy nodded in understanding. The past weeks had been really hard for all of them because there had been many chores to be done around their farm. He and Sam had barely found the time to relax and be with each other between working, eating and sleeping. “That’s okay… Are there any other signs? Like the stuff they told us in school, you know? Are you dizzy or… nauseous maybe?” Dean was still holding onto his brother tightly as he asked him all those questions in a firm and warm voice.

"I feel dead tired... To an extent that I hardly feel like getting up. And yeah, sometimes I feel nauseated too, but what's worse is that... my chest and belly ache at times... a lot..." Sam sighed as he cuddled up a bit more to Dean. "I'm so sorry..."

“Don’t say that, baby,“ Dean kissed his brother’s forehead affectionately and his hand went to Sam’s still flat stomach to rub it gently. “You did nothing wrong, you don’t have to apologize. It’ll be okay. We’ll figure this out, okay?” He held Sam's gaze, waiting for an answer.

The younger boy’s eyes clearly showed relief at Dean's reaction, yet he still worried about the whole situation. "How? I'd have to see a doctor..." Sam looked down at Dean's hand. Just the pure touch mixed with the thought that he could really be carrying Dean's child gave him chills.

Dean gave his brother a loving kiss, wishing he could kiss the doubts and fears, written all over Sam’s face, away just like that. “I don’t know if we can go and see a doctor, yet, but we’ll find a way… We’ll be okay, Sammy,” he vowed and caressed Sam’s cheek affectionately, leaning his forehead against his brother’s. “How about trying to get some sleep now? We need to rest a bit because we’ll have a lot of miles to cover tomorrow.” He pulled one of their blankets out of his pack with one hand and tried to drape it around Sam’s body.

“Thanks.” Sam reached out for the blanket and helped his brother. He held the blanket wrapped around his shoulders with one hand, while he reached out for the second to place it around Dean’s shoulders as he gave him a little smile. “You think you’ll manage to sleep?”

“I don’t know but I’ll try to get some shut eye,” the older brother truthfully replied and wrapped his arms around Sam’s lean body. “Just close your eyes and try to relax a little, Sammy,” he instructed in his calm big brother voice that had always soothed Sam, when they were kids.

“I don’t know whether I’ll be able to sleep, Dean….” There were too many thoughts spinning around in Sam’s head. What if they wouldn’t make it? What if he really was pregnant? That he wouldn’t be able to see a doctor worried him a lot. And Dean? He acted just as strong as always, although Sam was sure that inwardly he was broken. His hand reached out to grab for Dean’s and his thumb started to caress its back.

Nuzzling into his brother’s silky hair, Dean took a long, deep breath, trying to find the right words to say. “I know, Sammy…” he sighed lightly, feeling incredibly useless because he apparently wasn’t able to comfort his baby brother. He had always been the first one Sam had turned to whenever he had a problem and he had always been able to fix it but this wasn’t just a skinned knee or teen anxiety over a first kiss. They were in a serious predicament and for the life of him Dean had no idea how to get them out of it. Completely unexpected a new thought formed in his troubled mind, as he remembered better days. “Hey, Sammy, do you remember when Uncle Bobby came to visit that summer you turned twelve?” He changed subjects, hoping to be able to talk his brother into sleep.

Sam turned his head enough to look at Dean. “Yeah… I do,” his voice sounded thoughtful. “You mean…?” Could it be? Of course! Bobby. Bobby would help them!

“Yeah, he told us to come visit him any time and said he had lots of space in his house,” Dean remembered their great-uncles words. He was sure that Uncle Bobby had been thinking about a vacation, when he had made that offer, but Dean was also sure that the old man would help them any way he could. The only problem in the plan, which was slowly shaping up in his mind, was that their uncle lived across the country thousands of miles away from them and they couldn’t afford any train tickets to get there, so they would have to make the whole journey on horseback. He closed his eyes, pushing all the new doubts and insecurities back because his head was already starting to hurt. They needed to get some sleep and tomorrow they could continue to plan their next steps.

Sam nodded. Of course he remembered those words, but… “How do you plan to go there? I mean… Uncle Bobby’s not exactly living in the next town,” he sighed and continued to rub Dean’s hand. “Do you think we could earn some money? We could use it to buy some train tickets…”

“I don’t want to stick around here longer than necessary,” Dean admitted, sounding defeated. There just wasn’t any reason to stay any longer in that place, with their childhood home burned to the ground and their parents dead. Apart from that he was sure that the news about the tragic event would travel fast, as news always did in small towns, and he didn’t want to see the pity in everyone’s eyes when people looked at him and Sam. “We can ask some people for help but then I want to leave town in a couple of days. We can get small jobs on our way. People are always in need of a farm hand and we can...” He started to explain but an exhausted yawn escaped him.

“Yeah, I think I get what you mean.” It made sense. Sam didn’t want pity either. Their dad wouldn’t have wanted any either. For the moment it seemed best to do what John would do. It was the only thing they could do to keep the memory of their parents alive. Not wanting to bother Dean any more, the younger boy let out a little sigh. “Sleep tight, Dean. Sleep tight…” He closed his eyes first to signalize that he’d stop asking questions for now, yet he kept holding onto Dean’s hand. There wasn’t anything better Sam could think of to assure his brother he’d be with him.

Chapter 2