(no subject)
its been a while since i was on here but shit. its my first late night of the quarter, jim is actually asleep before me and i feel kind of silly. i spent so long on this paper LIKE SO LONG and i still feel like its insufficient. i just cant touch on all the things im supposed to touch on. at the same time, i always say that, its just my M.O. i guess. i have to get up at 6.30 tomorrow and in addition to turning in this God forsaken paper, im turning in another job application! maybe this time it will work out. its at ISSO and i REALLY want to work there. its right up my ally, welcoming international students and scholars to our university by being the receptionist at the office. i mean im an international studies major, i speak french, i have a good gpa and i have lots of phone experience (thanks TOP). whats not to like? I DONT KNOW but i fear it will be another fail.
beyond that, im a recluse here in mira mesa. im just so preoccupied with discovering life or some silly thing like that that i never think to do anything anymore. im not even dissatisfied about it which is the weird thing. i think france changed me; introspection is my new hobby.
im so tired the room is spinning. i think i dont want to sleep with the idea that ill go over the paper again and drop the words "political opportunity model for conflict" a few more times but i just cant take it. literally 30-40 hrs on this bitch and i still dont feel satisfied. i guess im just so psyched up to get a 4.0 that i cant stop. my goal of cum laud is within reach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why though? i dont have plans for grad school, i just cant stand the feeling of 'losing.' i want to be the best and i really like being admired for my skills, what few i have should be exploited should they not? then really i SHOULD read again.
look at how narrow this is though. thats the problem with the academic life and i dont mean undergrad, i mean imagine if you were a professor, publishing works to be read by the whole critical community, not just a TA. i cant imagine what a vacuum that must be. it makes me feel ill to think of it.
beyond that, im a recluse here in mira mesa. im just so preoccupied with discovering life or some silly thing like that that i never think to do anything anymore. im not even dissatisfied about it which is the weird thing. i think france changed me; introspection is my new hobby.
im so tired the room is spinning. i think i dont want to sleep with the idea that ill go over the paper again and drop the words "political opportunity model for conflict" a few more times but i just cant take it. literally 30-40 hrs on this bitch and i still dont feel satisfied. i guess im just so psyched up to get a 4.0 that i cant stop. my goal of cum laud is within reach!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! why though? i dont have plans for grad school, i just cant stand the feeling of 'losing.' i want to be the best and i really like being admired for my skills, what few i have should be exploited should they not? then really i SHOULD read again.
look at how narrow this is though. thats the problem with the academic life and i dont mean undergrad, i mean imagine if you were a professor, publishing works to be read by the whole critical community, not just a TA. i cant imagine what a vacuum that must be. it makes me feel ill to think of it.