'Sup, ladies?
Sometimes, such as now, I really wish that I was a lesbian. The only thing stopping me is the unfortunate intensity with which I love and lust for the less fair sex. Damn heterosexuality ruins everything.
I wish GLAAD would establish some sort of heterosexual rehabilitation center, where one can go to cleanse oneself of their ill-advised heterosexual tendencies. It would be like those Christian camps that try to make gay kids straight, only, you know, with less suicides. I don't think it would take much work to convince me that men are the devil; it's the whole loving va-jay-jay bit that would need a little working on. Now get me wrong, there are plenty of lovely ladies that I would totally go gay for, but I know it wouldn't last. Those damn men and their swarthiness, and their damn upper body strength, and those hairy man hands, which for some reason I find so goddamn attractive, would drag me back kicking and screaming ('cause that's how I likes it) to the unhealthy heterosexual lifestyle. Damn heterosexuality ruins everything.
Recruit me, Gay Mafia! Steal me, Evil Underground Dyke Conspiracy! Turn me away from God and country, Nefarious Homos of the Night! Oh how I long for you to make me into a dyke! a clam slammer! a carpet muncher! Scissor me!!
In conclusion, I love and hate men. Those bitches.
I wish GLAAD would establish some sort of heterosexual rehabilitation center, where one can go to cleanse oneself of their ill-advised heterosexual tendencies. It would be like those Christian camps that try to make gay kids straight, only, you know, with less suicides. I don't think it would take much work to convince me that men are the devil; it's the whole loving va-jay-jay bit that would need a little working on. Now get me wrong, there are plenty of lovely ladies that I would totally go gay for, but I know it wouldn't last. Those damn men and their swarthiness, and their damn upper body strength, and those hairy man hands, which for some reason I find so goddamn attractive, would drag me back kicking and screaming ('cause that's how I likes it) to the unhealthy heterosexual lifestyle. Damn heterosexuality ruins everything.
Recruit me, Gay Mafia! Steal me, Evil Underground Dyke Conspiracy! Turn me away from God and country, Nefarious Homos of the Night! Oh how I long for you to make me into a dyke! a clam slammer! a carpet muncher! Scissor me!!
In conclusion, I love and hate men. Those bitches.