(no subject)
You ever have someone tell you news that no matter how it's worded, you still feel like you've been punched in the stomach? Well, my mom called me this evening, sobbing. I thought her sister (who'd gone to the ER earlier this morning) had suddenly died. No, Aunt Janet's still alive, well and dealing BlackJack at Harrah's. No, for me, it was infinitely worse.
My beloved dog, Charmin (yes, after the toilet paper. Because she's "squeezably soft"), who would've been 14 on May 25, passed away due to a flipped stomach. They could've operated, but with her being so old (98 in dog years), the surgery costing upwards of $2000, and the fact that she was arthritic and some of the bones in her spine and fused together, there was too much damage, and she was in too much pain.
As I'm writing this, I've probably got this blank, yet crazy look on my face. I feel like one of those romantic heroines in Wagnerian operas who get bad news and go drown themselves. I'm not going to go THAT far, but I am pretty beaten up about it.
What's worse is the fact I could really use a hug. But my roommate won't be back in town until Friday, and on Friday, I'll be on my way to KC for my cousin's play, "Dracula." At least I'll be with family. I hate that I have to wait until Friday for a hug, though.
I called in to work. I'm in no mood/position to help people with their computer issues. Frankly, I'd rather just curl up on the couch with my stuffed dog, Toto, that I've had since I was two, and watch "Beaches." Something about sad movies when you're sad...not sure.
But even though my mom was the best person to tell me what happened, I still feel like I was punched in the stomach. I don't have a dog anymore. She's gone. She's in Heaven (ALL Dogs go to Heaven. ALL of them!). She's happy now. She's with her own mother, who died two years ago (we've had Charmie since the day she was born), and my grandparents, and Callie, my late Cat, who I found in the dining room during Spring Break...I should never leave town again...
But, I'll be getting Charmie's ashes. Kinda want to get a nice box to keep them in and put her in my Cedar Chest. I wonder where I can get a nice box. I wish I could do a funeral for her. But I guess the only funeral will be the one in my heart. I got to say goodbye. I called dad and he held the phone to her. I told her how much I loved her and how much she's blessed me. She was the best dog. I had so many plans for us when I came home this summer. But I guess those plans will have to wait a little longer...