I think I am going through a 1/5 life crises...
So...I was sitting on the buss yesterday on the way to work. the time that I get on the bus is around the same time that the Israeli high school kids get out of school and take the bus home. I look up and there is this group of high school kids. Standing in the middle is this girl with a a little tanl top on, tight jeans and converse. I all a sudden had a flash back to when I was 15 or 16 on the bus with all my friend "or so called friends". Then it hit me I am siting on the bus by myself and in 4 1/2 months I am going to be 20. I realized I wasn't 16 years old anymore. No matter how much i fell more mature then most people my age because I didn't go out and party anymore, get drunk and hook-up with random people. A part of me still wanted wanted to be 15-16 years old. I was part of something. Mabye I wasn't part of the right thing but I had fun with out knowing better. Guys actually called me back dammit! Excuse my languege.
I made a jdate profile(Jewish Dating online) cause I was bored and I wanted to see what would come of it. So I put age range 20-25 for the age range of guys I am looking for. But I am still getting these 30 year old Israeli looking at my profile and messanging me. WTF? I even wrote that I am 19. So I am chatting online with this guy. His profile says he is 31 and lives in Florida. But he tells me he is 21 and lives in Petak Tikva. Ok fine whatever. He's all"wow, you sound like a really cool person I'd love to meet you." Then asks me if I know where Petack Tikvah is and I do cause i did an ulpan there? So he says" Oh good so you know how to get here and we want to meet up." I am thinking to myself Oh no no no! I did not go on Jdate to meet the same loosers I can already meet in real life who want me to waste money on going to vist them. So they can spend 5 minutes talking to me and then try to fuck me. No, thanks. Not Interested plus he was just a little bit over my age limit.
Anywho, this is what I am pondering. I have an apartment, I have great a roomates, a job I love, and I am totally independent. No one can tell me what to do. Its all about me. Yes, I am loney, but I don't NEED a boyfriend. Nor do I nessarly want to through the hard work of having one and being all emoctionally and attached then getting my heart broken. No thank you ser.
So whats my problem? Besides the fact that I have this fear of waking up at age 35 alone with no husbend and kids? All my friends have boyfriens in Israel. The are all religious and are probably going to get married in the next year or so. I just found out that girl from my class got married and and another one his pregrant. Even my non-religous/non-Jewish friends at my age are getting married and having kid. WTF?
I am going to be 20 in 41/2 in a half months. What I am missing? It can't be wanting a boyfriend. Cause thats just pathetic.