Hell night.

May 01, 2005 19:10

I couldn't believe all of this stuff. I was pretty new to this whole scooby gang thing and I was still trying to deal with...wow, hey I'm a werewolf here ( Read more... )

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strawberrywill May 23 2005, 06:34:11 UTC
I remembered that day, it was the first time Oz and I were in the same room together for more than... well, ever. And it was kinda nice just sitting there next to him after all the barfy feeling went away.

"Hmm, I guess she could be an... intense person, sometimes. But it's because of who she is and all the pressures of slayage and school and being a teenager."

I leaned back in my seat trying hard to think about something other than Miss Calendar's death. I tried to think about school and... okay, no, couldn’t think about school now because... well, Miss Calendar was killed there. But I could think of other things... Math or physics, or my next science project.

Finally I opened my eyes again and sort of frowned. "I know Buffy," I said softly, almost with a sigh. "This is only going to make things easier... well, not easier, easier, just, you know, easier." I didn't even know what I meant by it.

"Well, I mean, up to this point, everything has been so surreal, like, it wasn't really happening. You know. But now, it's like, 'hello, there's really bad vamp with a very twisted sense of humor running loose out there and he totally wants to kills us', and after doing this, he just made things easier for Buffy. He's not Angel anymore. I don't know what he is, and I think Buffy knows, he's just a monster. And well, Buffy's the slayer, it's her job to get rid of monster..."

And here I was again, trying to make a point, and only confusing myself even more now with my rambling. I could only hope that Oz made sense out of all of that.

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pretty_much_oz May 23 2005, 14:37:42 UTC
I only knew too well what she was talking about and if you took the fact that I didn't of free will take anyone's life, Willow was in the same position that Buffy was in.....I was a monster, but of course, I wasn't the same kind of monster.

Wow, though. Thinking about it from another angel, a different linear plane, made me realize even further how deep it was that I was now what I was.

I didn't say anything, and had pensive face as I drove. What if it were the case that my monster manged to be unleashed and I found myself a killer?

Yeah, it would be different, because I would have killed, not knowing what I was doing or knowing any human feelins, at least as far as I had been able to tell from my first three nights of wolfness.

I wondered if Willow really thought about it, if she could look past our burgeoning feelings and see that there was a monster inside of me? Because, I was doing the same thing.

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strawberrywill May 28 2005, 23:41:46 UTC
I could almost hear the crickets in his van, well, metaphorically speaking of course. Not that his van had any crickets in it, or maybe there were, but just couldn't hear them now but only metaphorically.

Frowning, I looked at Oz, he was never much with the talkage unless he had something really important to say, and you'd think I'd be used to that by now, but I really wasn't. After all the rides home, after all the few times we had spent together, he still felt a little distant. Yeah, there were fuzzy feelings between us, but there was something...

Suddenly I realized... what I had said before, about Buffy being the slayer, and having to get rid of the monsters.

I touched his arm and gave him a half smile, "Oz, I didn't- you know, mean to sound, well, mean about the monster part. I mean, I did, but not about the mean part, only about the Angel being a monster, because that's what he is now, a monster with no feelings whatsoever. And you- you're Oz. Okay so, there's the wolf thing to consider, but it's not like you can help that, and besides, its only like three times out of the month right?

He gave me a look, and I couldn't quite tell what kind of a look it was, so I kept yammering as I always did. "I get quite cranky myself three times out of the month too, and it's not pretty. Trust me, you wouldn't want to be around me three times out of the month, I turn into this grr version of me. Maybe the more wolfy version of you is a little more cranky than my cranky version, but hey, we all got our demons. And I guess some of us, have a much hairier version of our demons than others."

I looked out the window, the night breeze feeling nice against my skin, making my nose a little cold, but it also made me feel less nauseous after the feeling of being followed by a deranged vampire was gone. Still, my mind was racing, thinking way too many things. Like why in the world Xander would choose to go out with Cordelia out of all people.

"Hey you know who's really scary three times out of the month? Cordelia, now there's a thought. Well, I guess the more I think about it, she's really scary 365 days out of the year." Giving him a smile I continued, "Really! She's so evil... and skanky."

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pretty_much_oz May 29 2005, 03:17:26 UTC
"Well, I don't know if I would go right to skanky, but she certainly is scary."

It was good that she changed the topic. She was so right about Cordelia's evil streak.

It was amazing how many guys, like Devon, went out with her and then were so quickly disacarded.

I didn't want to tell Xander, but he was in for another dumping only the next one, would be of the permanent nature.

Or maybe I was wrong.

I was also glad that she had made a joke about her monthly cycle as opposed to mine, and while jokes weren't necessarily my strength, I felt one coming on.

"Yeah, good point, except at least you stay who you are on those three terrible days. But, if we keep things secure with me, then maybe there will be more blood in your three day cycle then in mine."

It was freaksome to even consider. God, I hoped that I didn't hurt anyone. Actually it was soemthing that i thought about all of the time, especially with what had just happened to Ms. Calendar.

"Is it me, or this town a bad place to live?"

Random. But. True.

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strawberrywill June 3 2005, 08:41:53 UTC
Okay so maybe skanky had been too strong of a word, but I couldn't help it. I was still a little 'grr' over the whole, Xander loves Cordelia show. And to make things clear, I wasn't mad that Xander was in love, I was mad that he was in love with Cordelia Chase. CORDELIA CHASE! We were president and vice-president of the 'We hate Cordelia Club' and and and, I just didn't understand him, was all.

"Yeah, good point, except at least you stay who you are on those three terrible days. But, if we keep things secure with me, then maybe there will be more blood in your three day cycle then in mine."

"Hee hee, you made a funny," I didn't know he could do that. He was always so serious and, yeah, well okay, there was the 'I mock you with my monkey pants joke' but that was just to break the ice, right?

But I guess that's what I liked about him. He always knew hot to surprise me. Plus! Plus there was the whole, bad boy I'm in a cool band thing, and that was definitely a plus. I may be a geek, but I'm a geek with a cool boyfriend.

Wait... is that what we were? I mean, we hadn't really said anything. Things just sort of happened. Oh god. Was I gonna have to ask him about this too? Hmm, that was not good. I was gonna turn into some bigger babbler than I already was, and not say five words of what I really wanted to say.

Maybe I should write it all down and then finally ask him a specific set of questions...

"Is it me, or this town a bad place to live?"

Huh? What? Huh? Was my first reaction.

"Well, if you take out the demons, vampires, evil college students, robot people and the hellmouth, it not really all that bad. Yeah, our Tuesday nights maybe a little more edgy than the rest of the worlds, but this is home sweet... home? You know what I mean. It could be just as bad anywhere else, I think. Unless it's not, and we are the lucky few stuck in this not so sunny Sunnydale town," I said when I finally came back from the random thought in my brain.

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pretty_much_oz June 3 2005, 11:19:41 UTC
I sat there, driving in the night towards her house, where any number of those things that she had mentioned...in which I made a mental count using my fingers whil she was doing it, could be out here, ready to make dark Sunnydale even more dark, could come out and attack us and especially, Angel right now.

Yeah, it's a good thing that it's dark outside righ now, because I would definitely be immediately tempted to say that Sunnydale could have the most azure blue sky outside and still not be considered sunny.

Yeah, I was worried about her even stepping foot out of my van right now.

Then again, it was my responsibility not to be worry guy for her. She was around Buffy and poor Giles all of the time and Xander, well, he was twitchy and strange.

"When all of those things that you mentioned are gone, I say big party on main street, streamers, flyers, live band, fruit punch bowls, the whole nine yards."

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strawberrywill June 6 2005, 02:39:36 UTC
"When all of those things that you mentioned are gone, I say big party on main street, streamers, flyers, live band, fruit punch bowls, the whole nine yards."

"Yay!" Was all I could think to say after all the thoughts that were going through my brain. After the initial shock of party talk I was finally able to elaborate on my well thought out 'Yay.'

"I think that’s what this town needs you know. A nice parade or something... oh and maybe we can get dressed up just like Halloween and..."

Okay so maybe Sunnydale parade was a bad idea. At least it was fun while it lasted.

We were so close to my house now and thank goodness I had done my homework during lunch time, because all I wanted to do now was just get home, eat a boat load of cookies with milk and get under the covers for some much needed rest.

I didn't know how I was going to face class in the morning, with Miss Calendar gone, and I had to talk to Buffy too, make sure she was okay. Oh! And Giles too. Had to see him too.

"You know Oz, thank you," I said softly. "For being there, and for just, you know, not freaking and stuff." I looked out the window as he turned the corner into my street.

"I was just so- with then, and the tears, and the sadness, and I couldn't even think straight, but after, talking to you, I... felt better. So, thank you for that."

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pretty_much_oz June 6 2005, 04:06:41 UTC
"You're welcome," I said, realizing that it was all that I could spit out right now.

I had seen lot of freaksome things before I knew what the twon was really like and now, they were only more pronounced, but one thing did remain the same.

How I felt about Willow and how those feelings were growing.

I had saw her a couple of times and wondered who that girl was, aloud and then I saw her on the whole corporate computer suit thing and my feelings for her continued to grow.

Yeah, getting shot, not on my top ten list, but then I found out about vampires, became a werewolf and she was still there for me.

"We'll get through this, Willow, I just know it, and when all is said and done, parades can be excluded, but I do want to be around with you and find a way to party just with you, just the two of us."

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strawberrywill June 6 2005, 04:24:19 UTC
I smiled at him, and I was almost sad that he had to leave. I mean, it was really dark, and yeah, okay he had a van and he could just drive away from trouble at least at 60, maybe 50 miles per hour? Okay so maybe 45, but that was a good number. Yeah. A very fast four and five number... number.

"Are you... going to be okay going back to your place?" I asked suddenly.

I knew he would be okay, of course he would be, he like, was Oz, he could be almost invisible when he wanted to be, even thought he was just as pale like me. Eek, we were lucky we weren't both mistaken by vamps, because that would just be so very, very bad, in so many bad ways.

But yeah, I mean, it had been a scary night and all, and okay, so I wasn't allowed to have boys in my house, but well, my parents never came in my room, and they always went to work early, way before me.

And was I really gonna even suggest it?

"I was just thinking," Yeah Willow... what are you thinking.

"With all the badness, and the vamps... and, well, hey, strength in numbers, I say." That was just so bad. Okay so the whole getting Oz to stay for a slumber party idea was probably out of the window now, but maybe a nice, kiss with a promise to see him at school tomorrow would actually do just fine.

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pretty_much_oz June 6 2005, 13:34:26 UTC
She had mentioned me going back to my place.

Well, she had asked if I was and then, she rambled, in that incredibly cute way that was getting to a point, but you just had to follow along to keep up, about strength in numbers and had added the clause, I was just thinking.

I smiled at her. "Do you not want to be alone right now, Willow?"

I put my hand on her face and gave her my warmest smile. I was willing to do anything with her right now, and didn't see driving away as something that I needed to do right now.

This was a tough time for her and for Gilles and for Buffy, and while I couldn't do anything for them, I had to believe that I could at least be there for her.

Besides, she was always really cute when she was nervous or happy, or pretty much anything, and being around that, around her all of the time was something that I found to be of the good.

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strawberrywill June 10 2005, 06:58:39 UTC
I felt like such a retard... Why couldn't I just say something like, 'Hey Oz, I don't think I want to be alone right now, do you mind staying for a while?' Or something along those lines.

But no, I always hat to tip-toe my way around the point I was trying to make. Pfft, all those honors English classes I had taken, all for nothing.

Well, okay not really good for nothing, all that critical thinking and... stuff... poof! Out the window along with everything else I learned.

Geez, even my mind seemed to ramble on.

"Do you not want to be alone right now, Willow?"

"Well, you know, because of- and the- but I'll be okay if you don't wanna." Okay, just breathe...

"I mean, I didn't mean to impose if you have, you know stuff, and plans, and places- and you know is okay if you don't," Okay, totally breaking down here.

"And you know what, you can forget I even asked. I'll totally be okay," I didn't know how he could have so much patience with me, and with the talking and-

But he did, and he waited or me to calm down a bit. And I did. One deep breath. And let's see if we can try this again.

"Well, I'm not- okay. I guess I'm just freaked, and I don't want to be by myself. You don't have to come up if you don't want. Maybe I can go to your place, tell my mom I'm staying at Buffy's or we can stay here... Just until I fall asleep or not... or I don't know. "

...

"Do you wanna come up?" I finally said.

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pretty_much_oz June 10 2005, 12:47:45 UTC
I gave her my caring gaze.

I left it on my face for a minute, just to amplify how I felt about the moment.

Okay, the moment itself was bad. Ms. Calendar killed by Angel, or Angelus, who used to be our friend and now he was trying to kill us all.

But, the moment, here in the van with her, was a moment. I loved it when she rambled on nervously, and the most random and cute things came out of her mouth.

There was no other girl like her. All of the other girls, at least at Sunnydale, save Buffy and maybe a couple of others, were so stuck-up that it made you want to run in the opposite direction when you saw them coming your way in the hall, but not Willow.

She was special, amazing and what was even more cute, or possibly a little bit tragic if you really looked at it with deep thought, was that she didn't even know how amazing that she was.

"Of course I'll go in with you....your dad won't come in with a shotgun, will he?"

I had to ask, because shotguns pointed at the head, yeah, a bad thing.

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strawberrywill June 13 2005, 07:26:44 UTC
"Of course I'll go in with you....your dad won't come in with a shotgun, will he?"

Oh good. I didn't know if he was going to say yes, so hearing him saying was actually, really, really good.

I really didn't want to be alone and well, I just, he was just so, Mr. calm and all. He was just pretty much Oz. The thought alone was... soothing.

"No, they're already asleep. See?" I said pointing towards their window. "No lights, I know my parents like clock work. They won't even know you're here."

And that was true too. I couldn't even remember the times that Xander had spent the night at my house.

Okay, so I wasn't allowed to have boys in my room, but when was the last time that mom and dad actually came into my room to check?

Besides, tomorrow they were leaving the house earlier than usual. They were probably just gonna leave a note or something. So really it was not that big of a deal. Unless he thought it was, and well, I could always go to his place but I didn't think I was ready for that, and if I thought about this anymore we were never gonna get out of his van.

Finally I opened up the door and pulled myself out.

"Come on," I said offering my hand. We could easily sneak through my window, there was a ladder that lead to my balcony. I used it for emergencies and stuff, and this was definitely considered an emergency.

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pretty_much_oz June 14 2005, 13:22:07 UTC
Slightly unsure about all of this, but completely sure about her, I followed her up, hoping that the ladder didn't make any creaking noises along the way.

When we got there and opened the door, I had this awful feeling that her father was going to be waiting there with a shotgun.

It's not that I didn't believe her, it was just sort of a natural reaction.

I had takent he virtue of other girls in the past, but they weren't the same. They were the types of girls who's parents knew that they were scandalous, and went around on the groupie tip.

Willow was so special, so pure, and yeah, shotgun awaiting me, seemed like a ratinal notion, but as we entered the room, I was pleased to realize that I was wrong.

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