Oh, dear.
Well, KK is nowhere near being ready, and not even my best efforts this weekend succeeded in getting her close to ready. We packed up more of her kitchen today and all of her china cabinet, and filled about six boxes with it all. I also tossed two more garbage bags, and we brought all of the donations to Value Village today, which is now accepting donations again.
KK has been doing absolutely nothing unless I am right there with her making sure it gets done (and often that means doing it myself). It's a combination of the heat, her bad knee, and anxiety and overwhelm. She also runs out of steam a lot faster than I do. I can do a full day of packing, but she runs out of energy after about five hours, and rather than taking breaks when she needs them and starting again, she just declares herself done for the day. Now, the latter might be true, since she's living with her chronic knee condition which I don't have, but it's just one more obstacle to getting things done.
The thing is, I warned her I couldn't help her this week, and today she asked me anyway if I could come by every evening "just for half an hour" to help her, and I can't help but feel a little annoyed about it.
I tried to strike a balance between encouraging and nagging over the past few months, because I didn't want to infantilize her. She knows as well as I do that the house can't be packed up in four days, but she didn't even do what I suggested before, which was pack one box a day after work. It would have been "only" five boxes last week, but it still would have been five boxes! I spent evenings doing "body double" work with her so that she'd get packing done, and she chose to do other things instead (which did need to get done, but didn't necessarily advance the packing). Basically I tried every trick I could think of to convince her to actually do something, anything at all, and none of it worked.
So I've agreed to go this week anyway, even though I don't really have time and it means I'm probably going to have to fuck up my sleep schedule for it. I still have some of my own prep work left to do, and I was counting on having my evenings to do it. If I spend "half an hour" at her place, it basically means an hour and a half more time out of my evening (thirty minutes to drive there, thirty minutes there, thirty minutes back), and of course it won't be half an hour. I'm looking at a really heavy workload this week too, which means longer work days, so basically I'll be getting home at 8 or 9 pm, and THEN have time to start on my own prep work. I deeply dislike this plan, I cannot emphasize this enough. I will do it, because otherwise I'm fairly sure KK will continue to do absolutely nothing all week, and I do want her to move in, but I don't like it.
I did give her the name of my professional organizers (they also help with packing up before moving), and I also pointed her in the direction of 1-800-GOT-JUNK to help her cart away all the stuff she doesn't want, because she needs more help than I can give her at this point, even if I do go every single evening. I know she's worried about money, but at this point it's either throw money at the problem or not have anything ready for when the movers come on Friday.
There is a small part of me (the part that likes to read doom into everything) that is convinced that this is how everything is going to go in our relationship from now on, that I've just found yet another person who's going to use me for their own purposes. I am pretty sure this isn't true, but I've been burned so many times in both platonic and romantic relationships that this is proving to be kind of triggering. I guess time will tell.
On a different note, I am very much on track to get to bed early tonight, which is *really* nice. I have accomplished pajamas and all that stuff, the puppy is in her crate, and all I have to do is dive into my bed and go to sleep. I'm not feeling super sleepy, which is unfortunate, but with a little bit of luck I will still be able to get to sleep. Maybe I'll sneak some melatonin to ensure I'm properly sleepy by 9 pm if I can't do it "naturally" before then... Decisions, decisions.
Depending on how busy this week gets, I may not update here every day. I am giving myself permission to not post every single day until Friday (not inclusively) if I must, although I am definitely still going to try. Posting every day keeps me honest, I find, and keeps the habit going better than updating only when I feel as though I've got something to say (i.e. never).
Good night, folks!
This entry was originally posted at https://mousme.dreamwidth.org/1493890.html, where there are currently
comments. Feel free to comment wherever you'd like!
KK has been doing absolutely nothing unless I am right there with her making sure it gets done (and often that means doing it myself). It's a combination of the heat, her bad knee, and anxiety and overwhelm. She also runs out of steam a lot faster than I do. I can do a full day of packing, but she runs out of energy after about five hours, and rather than taking breaks when she needs them and starting again, she just declares herself done for the day. Now, the latter might be true, since she's living with her chronic knee condition which I don't have, but it's just one more obstacle to getting things done.
The thing is, I warned her I couldn't help her this week, and today she asked me anyway if I could come by every evening "just for half an hour" to help her, and I can't help but feel a little annoyed about it.
I tried to strike a balance between encouraging and nagging over the past few months, because I didn't want to infantilize her. She knows as well as I do that the house can't be packed up in four days, but she didn't even do what I suggested before, which was pack one box a day after work. It would have been "only" five boxes last week, but it still would have been five boxes! I spent evenings doing "body double" work with her so that she'd get packing done, and she chose to do other things instead (which did need to get done, but didn't necessarily advance the packing). Basically I tried every trick I could think of to convince her to actually do something, anything at all, and none of it worked.
So I've agreed to go this week anyway, even though I don't really have time and it means I'm probably going to have to fuck up my sleep schedule for it. I still have some of my own prep work left to do, and I was counting on having my evenings to do it. If I spend "half an hour" at her place, it basically means an hour and a half more time out of my evening (thirty minutes to drive there, thirty minutes there, thirty minutes back), and of course it won't be half an hour. I'm looking at a really heavy workload this week too, which means longer work days, so basically I'll be getting home at 8 or 9 pm, and THEN have time to start on my own prep work. I deeply dislike this plan, I cannot emphasize this enough. I will do it, because otherwise I'm fairly sure KK will continue to do absolutely nothing all week, and I do want her to move in, but I don't like it.
I did give her the name of my professional organizers (they also help with packing up before moving), and I also pointed her in the direction of 1-800-GOT-JUNK to help her cart away all the stuff she doesn't want, because she needs more help than I can give her at this point, even if I do go every single evening. I know she's worried about money, but at this point it's either throw money at the problem or not have anything ready for when the movers come on Friday.
There is a small part of me (the part that likes to read doom into everything) that is convinced that this is how everything is going to go in our relationship from now on, that I've just found yet another person who's going to use me for their own purposes. I am pretty sure this isn't true, but I've been burned so many times in both platonic and romantic relationships that this is proving to be kind of triggering. I guess time will tell.
On a different note, I am very much on track to get to bed early tonight, which is *really* nice. I have accomplished pajamas and all that stuff, the puppy is in her crate, and all I have to do is dive into my bed and go to sleep. I'm not feeling super sleepy, which is unfortunate, but with a little bit of luck I will still be able to get to sleep. Maybe I'll sneak some melatonin to ensure I'm properly sleepy by 9 pm if I can't do it "naturally" before then... Decisions, decisions.
Depending on how busy this week gets, I may not update here every day. I am giving myself permission to not post every single day until Friday (not inclusively) if I must, although I am definitely still going to try. Posting every day keeps me honest, I find, and keeps the habit going better than updating only when I feel as though I've got something to say (i.e. never).
Good night, folks!
This entry was originally posted at https://mousme.dreamwidth.org/1493890.html, where there are currently
comments. Feel free to comment wherever you'd like!