somewhere in the silence...
its odd. cause i am normally a hyperactive crazy child.. but sometimes when all is quiet and i have some instumental music goin my thoughts calm and i just am i dont know.. pulled into this dark place that i think everyone has... like this is where my realistic side really comes out.. the pessimistic(sp?) side.
where i am just quiet and silence is best. i mean even when i was a child in gradeschool i didnt talk. i mean i participated enough and stuff but i had no really true friends like all of the other kids. every one it seemed had a best friend.. i didnt have that. i had acquaintances u know? like u knew evey kids first and last name but nothing about them. i thought at the time that all of the kids were my friends.. but i was wrong... then i transfered to st hubert.. and at first things stayed the same except i didnt know anyone, but the similarities were that cliques were formed and such. and i was the new kid. loved that part cause i didnt talk to begin with but to be a new kid?!? gaaah it was insane!! but then i met THEM! the loudest mouthed kids in our grade that were female... Lisa Paluszkiewicz and Carolyn Mazan. the blonde and the brain. both smart and both LOUD! its funny cause i remember the first impression i had of the both of em. i remember telling my mom, "They have big mouths and are really loud" and i said the big mouth part cause for some reason.. lisa was showing us how big her mouth was.. i really dont remember why but i do remember i was like... wow big mouth..
but anyways. i enjoyed watching, observing all of the other kinds of peoples there, and in turn i didnt talk. i was ok with it.. u know dont say anything stupid u arent thought of as stupid. it was soo easy that way. but it was the group me lisa and carolyn were in that got me talking.. not alot of talking but talking nontheless. but then later it was the two of them that really got me talking... i mean the person i am today is mainly because of them.. i mean i dont know what i mean.. i just know that someone said that people have effects on our lives by a small thing they do that will impact us for the rest of our lives.. and thats waht they did.. they talked to me.. it was just that the simplicity of speech.
i dont think i could imagine my life with out them... that would be the only thing that i wouldnt change about myself if i had the chance... meeting them.. i would change so many other things about myself if i could but that would be the only thing that i would keep constant.
they have been my anchors to life.. there were so many times i thought that it was the end. for wahtever reason that i didnt deserve to be alive but one of them woulda call and be like whats wrong? and i would tell them i was ok but they wouldnt believe me.. and they would make it better.. its a great feeling.. being needed by someone. being loved by someone.. i just hope that i have left that type of impact on someones life.. to know that would be one of the greatest accomplishments of my natural life.
mmm well i think i am done ranting...
love and peace all
kulit
where i am just quiet and silence is best. i mean even when i was a child in gradeschool i didnt talk. i mean i participated enough and stuff but i had no really true friends like all of the other kids. every one it seemed had a best friend.. i didnt have that. i had acquaintances u know? like u knew evey kids first and last name but nothing about them. i thought at the time that all of the kids were my friends.. but i was wrong... then i transfered to st hubert.. and at first things stayed the same except i didnt know anyone, but the similarities were that cliques were formed and such. and i was the new kid. loved that part cause i didnt talk to begin with but to be a new kid?!? gaaah it was insane!! but then i met THEM! the loudest mouthed kids in our grade that were female... Lisa Paluszkiewicz and Carolyn Mazan. the blonde and the brain. both smart and both LOUD! its funny cause i remember the first impression i had of the both of em. i remember telling my mom, "They have big mouths and are really loud" and i said the big mouth part cause for some reason.. lisa was showing us how big her mouth was.. i really dont remember why but i do remember i was like... wow big mouth..
but anyways. i enjoyed watching, observing all of the other kinds of peoples there, and in turn i didnt talk. i was ok with it.. u know dont say anything stupid u arent thought of as stupid. it was soo easy that way. but it was the group me lisa and carolyn were in that got me talking.. not alot of talking but talking nontheless. but then later it was the two of them that really got me talking... i mean the person i am today is mainly because of them.. i mean i dont know what i mean.. i just know that someone said that people have effects on our lives by a small thing they do that will impact us for the rest of our lives.. and thats waht they did.. they talked to me.. it was just that the simplicity of speech.
i dont think i could imagine my life with out them... that would be the only thing that i wouldnt change about myself if i had the chance... meeting them.. i would change so many other things about myself if i could but that would be the only thing that i would keep constant.
they have been my anchors to life.. there were so many times i thought that it was the end. for wahtever reason that i didnt deserve to be alive but one of them woulda call and be like whats wrong? and i would tell them i was ok but they wouldnt believe me.. and they would make it better.. its a great feeling.. being needed by someone. being loved by someone.. i just hope that i have left that type of impact on someones life.. to know that would be one of the greatest accomplishments of my natural life.
mmm well i think i am done ranting...
love and peace all
kulit