Hee hee hee...
So to anyone who didn't know, Scott, my best friend from NY of eight years, moved out here to Vegas in November. We got this GREAT condo in December and have been having a TON of fun living together.
Now, if you know either one of us, you'd know that we're both neat freaks (him more than me), and I'm well...I'm a little fun sometimes. Some people like to call it "Clinically Insane". The County Hospital likes to call it "72 Hour Observation", and some months, the frequency may be considered "Cha-ching!"
OK, I'm kidding about the hospital thing.
ANYWAY, so I was driving down Russell one day and it suddenly occurred to me that I REALLY wanted to put a rubber lobster in Scott's toilet. Why? I don't know. Just to scare the shit out of him, but make it funny enough that he would get a case of the giggles afterwards and go, "Oh, Sthtephie" and we'd have a moment. Cue Sentimental Aww Track. "Aaaaaawwww".
So I looked on eBay to see the going price of rubber lobsters these days. I know at Vons the real ones are about $13.97 a pound. Go figure, we live in the desert, and I don't think "Sand Lobsters" or "Metropolis Lobsters" would work out too well, or taste too good. But lo and behold (where the HELL did that stupid turn of phrase come from anyway? And just as relevant, where did the "Turn of Phrase" turn of phrase come from, too?! Someone needs to start looking this shit up. Bitches.
ANYWAY, lo and behold, I found a lot of 12 rubber lobsters on eBay for...get this...SEVEN BUCKS. My head almost fucking EXPLODED. Oh, the possibilities!!! So I sat down with Uriah to talk about what damage we could do with such a plethora of rubber lobster fun.
We decided once a month, most likely on the 23rd (don't ask why, there's no significance of the date), I'm going to hide one lobster in a very inconspicuous, yet easily accessible, place for him to find them. When he mentions them, I'm going to pretend to be just as shocked and appalled by it, even though it's quite obvious WHO the culprit is. I'm going to put one in his shower, his Cheez-Its box, his cookie container in the freezer, his hamper, his towels, his bed, his car, in the washing machine, dishwasher, and this box of wires he has stowed in the storage area. The first one, of course, will go in his toilet, and the last one I'm going to put in a pot of "simmering" water and ask him to go stir it.
So that's MY insanity, or at least what the hamsters in my head instruct me to do. Yours?