did he come to save? did he come at all?
well, today was terrifying. i realized my true religion. which must be one of the most unusal ever. undenominational christianity with a spray of evolution. how did it become this? my dad. the one good thing he ever did for me, well, he did a few. me and him were arguing today, because i finally told him i was a vegetarian (i dont know for how long, i get sick extremely easily, looong story, ask me about it later). and he somehow stubled across how him and his friend would discuss religion. his friend, a good friend of our family, is a fanatical christian, anti science all the way. he will look at you staight in the face and sya "youre going to hell" if you say you think some parts of the bible are wrong. the bible was written 200 years after Christ died. Yeah, i think there's some parts a tad bit off. Anyways, he feels there was a time in the world when God just experimented. and if you think about it, the worlds been around for millions of years, i think God would be a little bored if he/she didnt keep himself occupied. so what if God made up a better version of the animal he already had, and the world she/he already had. then when she/he felt it was perfect, he started allll over. hence the ice ages. but then of course theres, "god made us in his/her image". well, if you look at the world, theres tons of different colored people. she/he cant be all of them at once, maybe he/she is just whatever they want to be. thats another thing. is God a woman or a man. i dont care. its God. it shouldnt matter. now, if i think about it, i automatically assume its a man. i dont know why, i just do. it would make much more sense if God was a woman, but i cant keep going over and over writing he/she, so im gonna say he...sorry all womyns rights activist, im just tired. but also, i dont believe that evolution was survival of the fittest, i think animals just react to instinct, not survival, if that was true, all animals would eat is grass, none of them would die. well, now youre wondering, where did this all come from? my dad. but in a bigger perspective, i dont know. i just was thinking about it today. it bothers me to know theres something missing. maybe that something missing is the truth. do i believe theres a God? yes. Do i believe in evolution? yes. do i believe Jesus is the son of God? yes. do you care? most likely not. do i care that you care? its youre opinion, im not going to be upset about it. this whole journal is kind of just me being able to express my feelings to myself, its weird, i know, but i just needed to be able to feel it come out, if people find something in this, im happy. the best inspiration is on mistake, in my opinion. heres the next question? why do i think Christ is the son of God? a man, that can heal the wounded, cure the sick, and raise the dead, must be special. if you dont believe me that he did this, its in the Roman's history, who hated Jesus, and the Jews, and the soon to come Christians. if it wasnt true, why would they write it down that he did these things? beats me. also, its remarkable that this man went through so much torment and pain, just to say he is the son of God. this "Passion of the Christ" movie is nothing compared to what really happend. Christ was unrecognizable on the cross. like a slab of meat. i cant bare to think of the pain he went through, just to save me? its astonishing.well, i know this is cutting it off very unusally, but im done. im tired of writing. maybe tomorrow ill write some more, maybe i wont. its alright though, my mind wont leave me.