confusion
So, my hubby will be back from the desert in like six days. I am so anxious that I'm smoking like a chimney, I can't eat and I can't sleep. I'm exhausted. I have grown so much in the last four months and I have become so much more independant that I can't even fathom going back to my life centering around him. I've already told him that I can't abandon my friends again, I need them. We will just have to figure out a way to work it out so that I don't go nuts. I am so in love with this man, but at the same time there are so many more things I want from him. I want to feel cherished. Does that make sense? I want him to look at me and think "damn, how did I get this lucky?". I want to feel wanted. My self-confidence has risen so much and while my self-image is still not great, it has gotten very much more positive. I'm just so afraid that things will go back to the way they were before he left. What will happen if it does? I don't know. I won't even talk about the situation with my friends. If they bring him up in any way, I give short answers or else I say that I don't want to talk about it. It's sad, last time he was gone I made it known how many days were left before his return, now I only do that if asked. I really like being able to do what I want when I want to do that and pretty soon I'm going to have to be responsible to someone else again. I don't know. I'm probably just making too much of the situation and it won't be negative, but that frame of mind is not a popular one spinning in my little head. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm generally a very positive person and I see the world through rose-colored glasses, but for some odd reason I can't seem to do that with my marriage. That's so bad. Anyhow, I think I will go try to grab on to that elusive pleasure called sleep. Nite nite.