(no subject)
Had I known that the pain would never go away, what would I have done?
I'm so unhappy. I've only had two drinks in the past month, but tonight while coming home I was so tempted to pick up a bottle of wine. I really had to force myself not to. Nothing is taking this sadness away. I go to therapy, I try to eat adequately, I exercise... I'm even on anti-depressants and I'm still miserable.
Sometimes I think I am completely legitimate with these feelings. Other times I feel selfish and ungrateful. I just don't feel like my life is my own. It feels like I'm living for everyone else. I've had suicidal thoughts. I remember reading about this 20 something year old, who was doing really well in school, had a great girlfriend, essentially had the perfect life... and he committed suicide. I think I was 12 when I read about it, and it didn't make sense to me... but it sort of does now. Not that I would do it, but I'm just feeling so messed up right now... really lost. I wish I could put everything on pause for a little while.
I'm so unhappy. I've only had two drinks in the past month, but tonight while coming home I was so tempted to pick up a bottle of wine. I really had to force myself not to. Nothing is taking this sadness away. I go to therapy, I try to eat adequately, I exercise... I'm even on anti-depressants and I'm still miserable.
Sometimes I think I am completely legitimate with these feelings. Other times I feel selfish and ungrateful. I just don't feel like my life is my own. It feels like I'm living for everyone else. I've had suicidal thoughts. I remember reading about this 20 something year old, who was doing really well in school, had a great girlfriend, essentially had the perfect life... and he committed suicide. I think I was 12 when I read about it, and it didn't make sense to me... but it sort of does now. Not that I would do it, but I'm just feeling so messed up right now... really lost. I wish I could put everything on pause for a little while.