(no subject)
My brain is all over the map. I was so disassociative in my session today. I was just not feeling like myself... just really void and useless and numb. I feel fat. So fat. I'm eating so much. The drinking has been significantly minimized but I'm just as badly off it seems.
I have no reason to be complaining. I told this to my therapist, and I can recognize it, but I'm just really unhappy. I don't know where I stand in school, which is really tough for me. Not only do I want grades, but I want amazing grades. I want to be a perfect girlfriend, a perfect friend, a perfect person all around.
Again, it feels like the only way I had access to this was through restriction. It's just frustrating. I saw a few pictures of Isabelle, that girl whose picture is sprawled in an anti-ED campaign and I felt fat, ugly, worthless, contaminated.
I wish I could get away from all of my problems. I just want to hide away in a dark room for a week and be left on my own. I'm not enjoying social interaction at all lately... It makes me really uncomfortable. I'm obsessed with wanting to know what people are thinking of me... and not knowing has really been frustrating. Getting away from it all would really be helpful... just sort of impossible.
I have no reason to be complaining. I told this to my therapist, and I can recognize it, but I'm just really unhappy. I don't know where I stand in school, which is really tough for me. Not only do I want grades, but I want amazing grades. I want to be a perfect girlfriend, a perfect friend, a perfect person all around.
Again, it feels like the only way I had access to this was through restriction. It's just frustrating. I saw a few pictures of Isabelle, that girl whose picture is sprawled in an anti-ED campaign and I felt fat, ugly, worthless, contaminated.
I wish I could get away from all of my problems. I just want to hide away in a dark room for a week and be left on my own. I'm not enjoying social interaction at all lately... It makes me really uncomfortable. I'm obsessed with wanting to know what people are thinking of me... and not knowing has really been frustrating. Getting away from it all would really be helpful... just sort of impossible.