Two Words (Scott/Shelby 1/2)
Two Words (1/2)
Rating: PG-13 for mature subject matter (damn, I sound like a tv advertisement!)
Disclaimer: Aw, come on, the Barbie people don’t sue us for playing with their dolls!!
Summary: Two-part POV piece; Shelby and Scott wrestle with their emotions during the episode ‘Innocence’.
Warnings: Lots of mental Scott bashing from Shelby and Self-Bashing from Scott :)
’Emotions are trapped set on lock
Got my brain stuck goin through the motions
Only I know what's up
I'm filled up with pain
Tryin' to gain my sanity
Everywhere I turn its a dead end in front of me
With nowhere to go gotta shake this anxiety’
Anxiety, Black Eyed Peas
Two words.
That’s all I wanted, two stupid words.
The truth is, he could have just said them and not even meant them, and I would have believed him. I wanted so much for him to…understand, I guess. To accept what happened.
I mean, it’s not like our pasts are that different. I did what I had to, so did he.
I can still remember the first time I did it…I was sick all over the guy. I swore then and there I’d never…never do it again. But it was inevitable, I guess, that I would run out of money.
It’s amazing, the things people are willing to do for money.
How does he get off being so self-righteous, anyway? He did his step-mom, even convinced himself he was in love with her! Wrote her love letters! I had to deal with that, but now that it’s about me…
When I need him…
No- get out of that thought right now, Shelby…that’s dangerous.
Stupid solo. It’s so cold out here…why couldn’t we have done this in the spring? My face is going numb, and I swear my tears are starting to freeze. If only Scott was here to warm me up…but no - he can’t. Not when he’s the reason for the tears. It’s over. Done.
If he can’t understand, then he’s not the one.
If I don’t understand…what does that make me?
“Hey.”
I don’t believe it. The nerve…that jerk showing up, interrupting my solo…
“What are you doing here?” I watch out of the corner of my eye as he comes closer. Yeah, stop right there…yes, that’s right, I do bite.
But even as that thought forms, I see his eyes. He really does feel terrible. Maybe he’ll really say it this time…
“You’re crying?” he says instead. The tone of his voice makes me want to cry even more but - no, I won’t. Not in front of him. Daisy told me once boys can sense weakness.
“No,” I say stupidly, wiping my face on my gloves. I swear the moisture froze immediately. Yeah, what are you going to say to that one, Scotty boy? “What do you want?” I demand, “this is my solo.” Translation: get the hell away from me, jerk.
“Look, I just want to talk.”
If I had a quarter for every time you’ve said that to me Scott Barringer, I wouldn’t have had to work the streets in the first place. He can be such an idiot sometimes. I nod, knowing what the response will be before I even make the statement.
“Okay, you have two words,” I tell him for the tenth time, “hopefully they’ll be the right ones.” He hesitates, and I know that’s bad. Hesitation means he’s thinking. Scott thinking is never a good thing, not lately.
“So how bad was it? I mean…” he lets his words go, and I’m grateful. Yep - Stupid Scott is back, ladies and gentlemen. For a moment, just a moment, my heart seems to stop in my chest. How bad was it?
“You want more…details,” I say incredulously. There are almost no words for what I’m feeling right now. “That’s great, that’s really sensitive.” I turn away, disgusted by his very presence. Unfortunately, he didn’t take the hint that it was time to leave.
“So how many guys we talkin’ about?”
Just keep digging yourself deeper, don’t you Barringer? This time even thought fails me.
“Did you just say that?”
“Yeah…” he replies, without any hint of remorse. It occurs to me that maybe he’s fishing for details to get ideas. That turns my stomach even more. “Yeah, I’m just trying to get my head around it, that’s all.”
And that’s about all I can take.
I stand, with every intention of punching him in the face, but when I get there I can’t go through with it. Instead I yell at him. I yell so loudly that it’s not even yelling, it’s like in a dream when all you want to do is scream but you can only whisper.
“No, that’s not all,” I shoot back at him. I note with satisfaction that he steps back from me slightly. “You’re sweating the details ‘cause it’s all about you!” This time he takes two steps back. Good. Be unsettled. That’s nothing compared to how I feel.
“What do you want from me?” he asks, having the nerve to sound outraged. “What do you want me to do?”
“TWO WORDS,” I scream back at him, “two lousy words and you can’t even say them!” He doesn’t answer, not like I really expected him to. “Just…go. Please, just leave!”
A second goes by. Two, maybe three heartbeats. He stares at me, I stare back defiantly at him. This is the end of me bowing to the wishes of a man. It’s over. Today, I start living for Shelby. It occurs to me that this is the real point of our ‘solo’ missions. Pride flickers within me, but mingles with my anger and despair, souring what should have been a victory for me. He turns away, giving me that infuriating gesture of compliance-even-though-I-still-won-the-argument.
“Fine,” he says. I want to chase him down and kick him. Instead I go back to my campsite and kick a stone, succeeding in nothing more than hurting my big toe.
Sitting heavily back down on my pallet, I stare into the merrily flickering fire, glowering at its mocking cheerfulness. It suddenly strikes me that I can’t stay here anymore. He knows where I am. He can come her at any time. What if he comes later tonight and I can’t fight him off…I wouldn’t put it past him for a second.
No.
I can’t stay here. I have to go.
Rating: PG-13 for mature subject matter (damn, I sound like a tv advertisement!)
Disclaimer: Aw, come on, the Barbie people don’t sue us for playing with their dolls!!
Summary: Two-part POV piece; Shelby and Scott wrestle with their emotions during the episode ‘Innocence’.
Warnings: Lots of mental Scott bashing from Shelby and Self-Bashing from Scott :)
’Emotions are trapped set on lock
Got my brain stuck goin through the motions
Only I know what's up
I'm filled up with pain
Tryin' to gain my sanity
Everywhere I turn its a dead end in front of me
With nowhere to go gotta shake this anxiety’
Anxiety, Black Eyed Peas
Two words.
That’s all I wanted, two stupid words.
The truth is, he could have just said them and not even meant them, and I would have believed him. I wanted so much for him to…understand, I guess. To accept what happened.
I mean, it’s not like our pasts are that different. I did what I had to, so did he.
I can still remember the first time I did it…I was sick all over the guy. I swore then and there I’d never…never do it again. But it was inevitable, I guess, that I would run out of money.
It’s amazing, the things people are willing to do for money.
How does he get off being so self-righteous, anyway? He did his step-mom, even convinced himself he was in love with her! Wrote her love letters! I had to deal with that, but now that it’s about me…
When I need him…
No- get out of that thought right now, Shelby…that’s dangerous.
Stupid solo. It’s so cold out here…why couldn’t we have done this in the spring? My face is going numb, and I swear my tears are starting to freeze. If only Scott was here to warm me up…but no - he can’t. Not when he’s the reason for the tears. It’s over. Done.
If he can’t understand, then he’s not the one.
If I don’t understand…what does that make me?
“Hey.”
I don’t believe it. The nerve…that jerk showing up, interrupting my solo…
“What are you doing here?” I watch out of the corner of my eye as he comes closer. Yeah, stop right there…yes, that’s right, I do bite.
But even as that thought forms, I see his eyes. He really does feel terrible. Maybe he’ll really say it this time…
“You’re crying?” he says instead. The tone of his voice makes me want to cry even more but - no, I won’t. Not in front of him. Daisy told me once boys can sense weakness.
“No,” I say stupidly, wiping my face on my gloves. I swear the moisture froze immediately. Yeah, what are you going to say to that one, Scotty boy? “What do you want?” I demand, “this is my solo.” Translation: get the hell away from me, jerk.
“Look, I just want to talk.”
If I had a quarter for every time you’ve said that to me Scott Barringer, I wouldn’t have had to work the streets in the first place. He can be such an idiot sometimes. I nod, knowing what the response will be before I even make the statement.
“Okay, you have two words,” I tell him for the tenth time, “hopefully they’ll be the right ones.” He hesitates, and I know that’s bad. Hesitation means he’s thinking. Scott thinking is never a good thing, not lately.
“So how bad was it? I mean…” he lets his words go, and I’m grateful. Yep - Stupid Scott is back, ladies and gentlemen. For a moment, just a moment, my heart seems to stop in my chest. How bad was it?
“You want more…details,” I say incredulously. There are almost no words for what I’m feeling right now. “That’s great, that’s really sensitive.” I turn away, disgusted by his very presence. Unfortunately, he didn’t take the hint that it was time to leave.
“So how many guys we talkin’ about?”
Just keep digging yourself deeper, don’t you Barringer? This time even thought fails me.
“Did you just say that?”
“Yeah…” he replies, without any hint of remorse. It occurs to me that maybe he’s fishing for details to get ideas. That turns my stomach even more. “Yeah, I’m just trying to get my head around it, that’s all.”
And that’s about all I can take.
I stand, with every intention of punching him in the face, but when I get there I can’t go through with it. Instead I yell at him. I yell so loudly that it’s not even yelling, it’s like in a dream when all you want to do is scream but you can only whisper.
“No, that’s not all,” I shoot back at him. I note with satisfaction that he steps back from me slightly. “You’re sweating the details ‘cause it’s all about you!” This time he takes two steps back. Good. Be unsettled. That’s nothing compared to how I feel.
“What do you want from me?” he asks, having the nerve to sound outraged. “What do you want me to do?”
“TWO WORDS,” I scream back at him, “two lousy words and you can’t even say them!” He doesn’t answer, not like I really expected him to. “Just…go. Please, just leave!”
A second goes by. Two, maybe three heartbeats. He stares at me, I stare back defiantly at him. This is the end of me bowing to the wishes of a man. It’s over. Today, I start living for Shelby. It occurs to me that this is the real point of our ‘solo’ missions. Pride flickers within me, but mingles with my anger and despair, souring what should have been a victory for me. He turns away, giving me that infuriating gesture of compliance-even-though-I-still-won-the-argument.
“Fine,” he says. I want to chase him down and kick him. Instead I go back to my campsite and kick a stone, succeeding in nothing more than hurting my big toe.
Sitting heavily back down on my pallet, I stare into the merrily flickering fire, glowering at its mocking cheerfulness. It suddenly strikes me that I can’t stay here anymore. He knows where I am. He can come her at any time. What if he comes later tonight and I can’t fight him off…I wouldn’t put it past him for a second.
No.
I can’t stay here. I have to go.