(no subject)
i want to learn sign language. i wanna learn what each and every single last one of these "moods" MEAN... like correct definition. i want to learn kickboxing, i wanna learn how to defend myself. I wanna learn how to not be scared of kicking someones at, like vicky. i want to do so many things. but i feel like this "fear" i've builded is like a brick wall around myself. I'm caged in with FEAR... fear of everything. fear of being "fat" fear of "NOT BEING HAPPY" um how can i be happy when i don't let myself be happy... free of boundaries... how am i supposed to "allow" myself to be happy... i feel like i've been like fighting happy with this defense of "well if it can make me feel good, it can make me feel twice as bad" .. so i'm just going to stay away from everything and "prove" that i can still be happy. Yeah, WELL... i'm not happy when i'm uptight about everything and feeling like i'm not making any new friends. i want to be more social....... meeeet people. go out more. dance my ass off.. drink, not black out.. do drugs and not worry about shit. i don't have kids !! Why am i reserving so freakin much ? i should be dropping E and going to CLUBS.
I know i've been through A LOT with drugs....... but as long as I stay away from the obvious no no's i can do whatever-the-FUCK-else i wanna do! you know???!
I wanna go get lost somewhere for like a week... like a weekend concert far away where we camp out ... and cops aren't an issue...... lol
<3
I know i've been through A LOT with drugs....... but as long as I stay away from the obvious no no's i can do whatever-the-FUCK-else i wanna do! you know???!
I wanna go get lost somewhere for like a week... like a weekend concert far away where we camp out ... and cops aren't an issue...... lol
<3