(no subject)
so. i'm thinking i don't really need my mom as a "MOTHER" anymore but i just wanna know what ever happened to her. i was watching the real world yesterday .. and it struck a cord. cause this girl hired a private investigator to find her dad which she's never met.. and she was telling her mom about it.. and her mom said "if he wanted to find you, he would've already" and that registered with me so hard... cause I go out of my way on facebook, myspace, EVERY WHERE i sign up for anything i always make sure it's my real name and make it public ... JUST in case she ever tries to find me... it wont be hard.. just type in my name on google and bam. there i am. and not once in about 10 years has she everrr tried to contact me. i just don't understand. i get that she doesn't want to deal with my dad, but really? i'm about to be 25... i'm a fucking adult now. i keep saying i don't want a mother, i just want a friendship with the woman that birthed me and was the center of my world for the first 13 years of my life. i'm sorry for whatever pain she's feeling... and whatever she went through that is preventing her from being anywhere in my life... i feel like she's taken the easy and very unhealthy way out by completely cutting herself off. not dealing with anything.... i've grown up into a strong independent woman and really, thank you Gina, for teaching me at an early age that you can only count on yourself. my dad isn't the "best" parent out there, but he's one hell of a parent for sticking around. never giving up, and putting a roof over my head for 18 years. i just don't get how you can not be curious to how we turned out.. sure you might not have been there for crucial times in our life but life goes on... we always had each other... we could've had it a lot worse...
time is ticking and life is short. where the hell are you?
time is ticking and life is short. where the hell are you?