(no subject)
Soooo. I went to Boyle Heights and picked up alllllll of my clothes from Danielle's house and had like a 5 hour conversation with Juice about his life and where it's going.. ect. Just some well needed conversation. Food for thought. It wasn't bad :) I really enjoyed being there.. and being honest with him about things. Just totally letting him know what I thought about everything. The surprising part to me was that he listened.. and it wasn't like half ass listening either. I guess I was just so used to arguing and it felt weird to have a normal conversation. Where we're respecting each other.. (haha. sick.) It felt good just conversing just as friends.. I can tell he's scared and alone right now & that really hurts my heart.. Because really, I'm probably the only person he feels like he could talk to... his only real friend. Everyone else in his life right now is either a tweaker or his family (that doesn't have any clue what he's really going through). He just needed someone to talk to and I'm just glad I can be there for him even if it's just an afternoon.. I wouldn't mind giving him an afternoon or a lunch every once in a while. I mean, I'm strong enough now to be able to do that.. but only if I see progress. Otherwise I know that my time is being wasted. I'm totally on the "Juice getting his shit together" team.. But NOT on the "hanging out with a tweaker" team.. I will not hang out with him unless I hear some good news. Like "I've been sober for a week", "I'm looking for a job"... something..
His sister reached out to me a few days ago and I think that's what really opened my heart to the whole idea. Before then I totally didn't want anything to do with him and was being really cold.
I want to be there for him but at the same time I know I have to keep my distance.. no matter what. That's what's making this able to work. I want more than anything for him to get his shit together and to do good.. but no matter what he's going through or what he does it's not going to stop me from living my life and doing my thing.
I'm just surprised with how I've managed to get my feelings under control. And it's not like a mind over matter thing because that's not how feelings work.. I've obviously just realized how things are.. and what works for me and what doesn't. I'm very proud of myself at this moment in my life, dude. :D
His sister reached out to me a few days ago and I think that's what really opened my heart to the whole idea. Before then I totally didn't want anything to do with him and was being really cold.
I want to be there for him but at the same time I know I have to keep my distance.. no matter what. That's what's making this able to work. I want more than anything for him to get his shit together and to do good.. but no matter what he's going through or what he does it's not going to stop me from living my life and doing my thing.
I'm just surprised with how I've managed to get my feelings under control. And it's not like a mind over matter thing because that's not how feelings work.. I've obviously just realized how things are.. and what works for me and what doesn't. I'm very proud of myself at this moment in my life, dude. :D