I'll leave you to your reindeer.
1. Breaking sad news, as Stephane Lambiel drops out of the Grand Prix and announces a mysterious press conference for Thursday. Everyone's best guess is that he's retiring from competitive skating. Sadhair!
Realistic analysis: He hasn't had a consistent triple axel in ages; he lost his entire summer training season to a complicated groin injury; and he already has two world titles and an Olympic medal.
Slashy tinhat analysis: Things just didn't work out with Johnny, after all.
Predictable homophobia from the discussion boards: He's announcing his sex change.
Transforming the above into actual humor: He's announcing his sex change so he can skate pairs with Themi Leftheris. (And wow, would that be pretty.)
Conspiracy theory: All the gays are retiring in protest of ISU closeting policies; Weir is next.
Susie Wynne analysis: He's a very pleasant skater.
Realistic analysis, Olympic edition: Since Plushenko's return to competitive skating is about as likely as the success of any of his marriages, this means that all of the 2006 Olympic men's medalists will have retired long before 2010.
Realistic analysis, single-minded fangirl edition: More Zmievskaya and Petrenko attention for Johnny! Shallower field of competitors for Johnny! No other top men's skaters I'm really rooting for at all, so I can be completely obnoxious about my love for Johnny!
Tonsorial analysis: It turns out he shaved his head for nothing.
2. Oh, Gossip Girl, it is very hard to watch you when you're set in the city where I live and I cannot stop nitpicking and/or translating your made-up names and addresses into real places so that my brain can stop hurting. To wit: there is no place called Mike's Bar, but clearly that beatdown took place at either the Anchor or Bar. (Yes, we have a bar called Bar. It's like having a cat called Cat, only it has a gay night on Tuesdays.) Also, thank you, Gossip Girl, for continuing the Chuck/Dan/Nate love triangle in a direction that totally gives me an ending for the fic in progress.
The only female character on the entire show who I am not tired of right now is Lily, who looked awesome in that dress.
3. I have a new favorite reality star. His favorite color is rainbow, people. He's competing ironically to be Paris Hilton's new best friend. He is enough to make me watch this insipid crap every week. SEND HELP.
4. Fandom's bad pimping skills continued: nobody bothered to tell me that Bones is exactly my kind of femslashy. Instead, years of people mentioning that David Boreanaz is in it, as if I ever liked him. No mention of the incredible hotness that is Angela. Not even any reminders that I like well-written procedurals.
5. Because my friend Venner loves me, he linked me to what happens when hair metal's B-list gets together for a worthy cause.
Realistic analysis: He hasn't had a consistent triple axel in ages; he lost his entire summer training season to a complicated groin injury; and he already has two world titles and an Olympic medal.
Slashy tinhat analysis: Things just didn't work out with Johnny, after all.
Predictable homophobia from the discussion boards: He's announcing his sex change.
Transforming the above into actual humor: He's announcing his sex change so he can skate pairs with Themi Leftheris. (And wow, would that be pretty.)
Conspiracy theory: All the gays are retiring in protest of ISU closeting policies; Weir is next.
Susie Wynne analysis: He's a very pleasant skater.
Realistic analysis, Olympic edition: Since Plushenko's return to competitive skating is about as likely as the success of any of his marriages, this means that all of the 2006 Olympic men's medalists will have retired long before 2010.
Realistic analysis, single-minded fangirl edition: More Zmievskaya and Petrenko attention for Johnny! Shallower field of competitors for Johnny! No other top men's skaters I'm really rooting for at all, so I can be completely obnoxious about my love for Johnny!
Tonsorial analysis: It turns out he shaved his head for nothing.
2. Oh, Gossip Girl, it is very hard to watch you when you're set in the city where I live and I cannot stop nitpicking and/or translating your made-up names and addresses into real places so that my brain can stop hurting. To wit: there is no place called Mike's Bar, but clearly that beatdown took place at either the Anchor or Bar. (Yes, we have a bar called Bar. It's like having a cat called Cat, only it has a gay night on Tuesdays.) Also, thank you, Gossip Girl, for continuing the Chuck/Dan/Nate love triangle in a direction that totally gives me an ending for the fic in progress.
The only female character on the entire show who I am not tired of right now is Lily, who looked awesome in that dress.
3. I have a new favorite reality star. His favorite color is rainbow, people. He's competing ironically to be Paris Hilton's new best friend. He is enough to make me watch this insipid crap every week. SEND HELP.
4. Fandom's bad pimping skills continued: nobody bothered to tell me that Bones is exactly my kind of femslashy. Instead, years of people mentioning that David Boreanaz is in it, as if I ever liked him. No mention of the incredible hotness that is Angela. Not even any reminders that I like well-written procedurals.
5. Because my friend Venner loves me, he linked me to what happens when hair metal's B-list gets together for a worthy cause.