(no subject)
So, today I got up at 7, waited till 8, biked downtown to talk to the realtor about if Angelika had contacted them.... ( we called her and texted her after we'd been approved for the place yesterday). No response, no email, no call, not even a simple text message and we were worried she had changed her mind.
The realty people hadn't heard anything either. I texted Moy, who we were taking the place over from. She said she'd try too.
After talking to the realtors, I ended up looking at two more places downtown, one place that looked like it had been a converted store front with a cat-lady like smell, the other was a bizarre house on top of a keymaker's shop... The old man who rented it out was kind albeit a bit odd. He lead me upstairs and opened up the house, even though I had scheduled an appt to see it with the realtor. The carpet smelled musty and looked as if years of college student neglect had and continued to take place. A sleepy eyed girl with bright frizzy red hair and pajamas showed me around, explaining about the mini fridge everyone got when they moved in and the lack of washing machine.
I biked back to the realtors and checked out two more places, one diagonal from the place where Angelika the M.I.A room mate lives. I walked around the corner and stared at the place, willing her to come out of the place so I could casually wave and walk over instead of creepily staring thinking lustfully about the large kitchen with granite tabletops, the large private bathroom attached to our would-be room....
The place on the corner that I checked our wasn't anything to write home about, especially compared to its diagonally positioned neighbor. Two possibly three bedrooms or an office. Again, terrible carpet, a cop out to refinishing the original wood that all old savannah buildings have. A gaping ugly mouth of a hole where the washer and dryer should be. I peaked out the window in the nicest bedroom and watched two cars drive by, the only difference between being in the room instead of outside being a window and paper thin walls to hide behind. The last apartment the same.
I searched three more realty sites, hoping for the rare affordable, one or two bedroom and downtown apartments... I called deadbolt realtors, there were two in our price range. One would be ready the beginning of feb, a small studio in the heart of downtown and the other was a block away and would be ready the middle of feb. the realtor was busy but would call soon.
I stopped in a poetter hall to see if they'd had time to see my application. The same smiley yet silly seeming receptionist sat behind the desk, disappearing to check for me. I was starting to feel super silly in my open-backed t shirt, jeggings and running shoes. To my excitement and dismay, a pretty tall administrative looking lady came around the corner and introduced herself, saying exactly what the receptionist had said last time.. They still hadn't had time to look over the applications.
I stopped in to shop scad to see April. She looked beautiful as always. Long chestnut hair, a lacy top that draped over her shoulders and waist high brown pants that only waifish and emaciated models and girls like her can pull off. She always exuded a happiness yet unsure confidence of someone who needed to be needed by others. We talked about nothing for a while until people came in and I let myself out.
I texted Moy again, FINALLY Angelika had texted her, she was in class but would call ASAP....
After trying desperately to make it back home without breaking down to eat out, I lost the battle..... So at 11 I bought a pesto fontina sandwich at back in the day bakery.
Now I'm sitting in the bakery, unsure if I should call the realtor for the liberty place or call Moy because Angelika hasn't called, or just go home and try to work....
I set up an appointment to see a place at two. I just want to be done with this shit. I want a job, I want an apartment.
Jordan sent me a message on Facebook... Saying we should travel somewhere. I'm almost tempted to say yes... I haven't seen Jordan since high school and we were never very close. I always enjoyed his presence and going somewhere with a friend just sounds oh so enticing.
Garrett and I talked last night about working out the business. I feel torn. I want to be a part of this company, or a business... I want to see if I can do it, but I don't know if this is what I want to dedicate my life to right now. I have no doubt that he can do anything he puts his mind to.... But do I really want to be a part of something that stops him from taking care of himself? That puts me and him inside all the time? I want to be outside, I want to climb and be social and be away from the computer and I want to be with someone that is passionate about something other than video games and I just really just don't know what to do.
Traveling/living abroad is still something I want to do. He wants to start this company. I want to too, but I don't know if I'll end up regretting it.
I have nothing but the weight of my whole life on my shoulders and that feels like the weight of the world right now.
I need to tell Garrett all this but for some reason I just can't say it all.
I don't know what I want, he does and I don't know if I can reconcile the two right now. I feel like just going out on my own to figure it out isn't a good or bad idea.... I'd lose him and I don't want that, but I also don't want to follow him without finding out what I want for myself.
I just want to throw up.
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