beer and moving out.
Jess moved out this morning.
I went to Al's bar after work last night. I drank too much. I got bitter. Today would be our 3 year 11 month anniversary. But it wasn't. So i drank more and became more bitter. She showed up at the bar and paid NO/little attention to me (HER BEST FRIEND ) so i became? ? you got it more BITTER.
I took a friend home and she called to have me come back to the bar to get her. So i did then she could not let gene drive his truck home drunk and eugene needed a ride that jess had promised him. Well here I am driving drunk and she doesnt care if I do she cares if he does.
I fight I yell about his "pretty limp penis" in front of all the people we work with. lol. i dont think enough of them heard me though. We get back here and we fight about me being a crazy bitch. She tells me she doesn't care if I kill myself or if I leave. So that is what I intended to do, leave because I killed myself. HA...didnt work. If you want to kill yourself take MORE than 11 advil and 20 sleeping pills and drink more than a pitcher of beer and a shot of jagar . OKay?? bcuz that will not all kill you if mixed together. Although It does make you feel like shit and sleep all fucking day.
So we fight and I cry. And she tells me I'm crazy and I push her and she slaps me across the face like a mother putting her children in check. And she does this again over and over before I throw her into a wall and walk off into my room. Bcuz the last thing i like to do is hurt her. Well she comes into the room and chokes me while pinning me on my bed. And I cry and watch her in all her anger choke me. And I laughed, or atleast attmepted to laugh. And she let go to slap me again. I pushed her off me and she landed on a pointy corner of the night stand and hurt her elbow. Its all nasty and cut looking.
so crazy shit of us killing eachother continued until all those fuckin pills kicked in.
all i could do is listen to the hangers being unclothed and her packing her bags. her packin and packing more. her opening up the cat carrier and i had enough voice to tell her to "leave my fucking cats here...." woke up at 8:30 and my love was gone. i have slept all day. it's 11:27pm sunday.
she called to see if i wanted her to come by. i do. i want her to stay forever. and i wanted to be dead when she did. then maybe she'd understand the pain I am going through. honestly, I think finding me dead would be the easiest thing for her. I don't know..... i am still trying to figure out if i am supposed to live here w/o her here or if i am supposed to go to vegas.