First of all, I'm not sure that a person can really tell if they belong with someone else after just a few months of dating. Everything for about the first year of dating is kind of new, assuming you take things slow. You're getting to know that person. Can you really know if that's the person you want to spend the rest of your life with in that short amount of time? I've been dating Craig for almost two and a half years now and I'm still learning things about him. Quirks that i never knew were there, interests I've never heard anything about. I think that the reason we have such a high divorce rate is that people blindly jump into these commitments and don't even know if they can stand the other person in close quarters first. So that's issue number one in my book. As a child coming from divorce and seeing what divorce does to people it's something I never want to bring upon others. I think waiting to have sex until marriage is a good thing, and finding a person in this day and age who will support you in that is amazing. Having
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Think of it this way. You start hanging out with an old guyfriend from high school. Yeah you thinks he's hot, but you two have been dating for two years. You hangs out with him and you don't try to hide it, Craig is always aware of what's going on, but he isn't exactly going to make friends with this guy either. He also isn't going to say you can't be around this guy just because you're attracted to him, otherwise you'd never be able to see any guy you were attracted to and you'd probably resent him for it. Now you've known this guy for a while and you trust him almost as much as you trust Craig. One night Craig does something to scare you. I mean he really shows you a side of himself you'd never seen and it freaks you out. You're confused and don't know where to go, so you head towards someone you trust and feel safe with. He takes you in, listens to you cry, holds you and comforts you. You've always liked him, even wanted to date him in high school. You feel really close to him right now and you kiss him and it snowballs from there
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No, I don't think Craig should take me back, but then it's also not in my personality to do that sort of thing in the first place. If Craig ever did something to really scare me, I'd either stand by and talk things out with him, or i'd go to someone like you or Todd, or Jen or someone. Even though I'd know that going to someone like those people would diminish their opinnion of Craig, but those are the people I trust most. The people whom I let see every side of me. And if I did do something like that and Craig did want me back, i'd let him, but i'd be riddled with my own guilt and constantly be trying to find ways to make it up to him. If i'm what would truly make him happy, I wouldn't deny him that. But I would be remourseful and probably drive him insane in trying to make it all better.
Keep reading what? Is this why Richard and Anita break up?
*laughs* I know it's not in your personality to do something like this. ^.^
It's just a hypothetical situation I put you in. I'm just curious how other people react to the same emotional situation, so I can see if any of those helps me better understand how I feel.
In response to your last question, I'm not going to ruin too much, but it is a very, very generalized version of what happens. I won't discuss too much more until you've read through The Killing Dance, but I'm beginning to see a bit better as I read on. Think Anakin Skywalker.
I've been marriage for five and a half years now. Near the end of this year, it will be eight years since I started dating my wife. Even now, there are things that we learn about each other or didn't know, or missed, or forgot. The thing is that we make a serious effort to work through our problems. We don't think of divorce as an option. We do have some clear lines that would cause such a thing. I can say there have been some very difficult and stressful situations. I think what it is that both of us want to stay together. When you don't want to be with someone, you will do things, consciously or not, to destroy the relationship. You will make mountains out of molehills and/or doing things to constantly eat away at the other person. This is why I'm so hesitant about "punishing" your significant other. Basically, you want to curb hurtful behavior, not hurt back. In America, we fear being alone and we hurt those who hurt us. Many people rush into relationships completely emotionally and allow their significant other to
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I agree completely. I didn't go too far into my opinnions on this matter as I didn't want to take my tangent in another direction oppisite the initial problem. One study I have looked at, as far as the living together before marriage, I've read that living together before marriage is generally a bad idea, unless both parties come from divorced families. Children coming from a divorce situation are more likely to also experience divorce. It was a study done in a psychology magazine I read a while back. I'm not sure how accurate this study may be, but I do think it may be necessary for some to experience that. Needless to say, Marriage is not something to take lightly, nor is any relationship really. If you take things for granted, your more likely to lose the things that are important to you.
Yeah, I think "punish" might be too strong a word. Revenge or "getting back at" would be more appropriate terms. In this situation I think using the one thing you two had together that she threw away might be a good place to start. Would you think that sleeping with other women, giving the one thing that was most precious to her to a bunch of girls you don't care anything about, appropriate? Do you think it would even affect her anymore since she cheated first?
Revenge and punish are almost the same thing here. You're trying to punish or hurt someone because they hurt you instead of because they did something wrong. If anything revenge is a stronger word as you are more interested in hurting them than changing their behavior through punishment. Revenge is a slippery slope, and most attempts to punish a SO really become revenge. They hurt you, so you hurt them. In the process you become something worse (like a cheater yourself). Then other person continues the behavior or does another very hurtful thing, and it's a game of hurting each other suddenly. I think the punishments I mentioned before would all work for revenge, but man it's a nasty, slippery slope.
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Keep reading what? Is this why Richard and Anita break up?
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It's just a hypothetical situation I put you in. I'm just curious how other people react to the same emotional situation, so I can see if any of those helps me better understand how I feel.
In response to your last question, I'm not going to ruin too much, but it is a very, very generalized version of what happens. I won't discuss too much more until you've read through The Killing Dance, but I'm beginning to see a bit better as I read on. Think Anakin Skywalker.
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