A conundrum
I have something of an emotional paradox here and I'm hoping by posting it here I can get some feedback that might be able to help.
Say you started dating this girl. After a few months you really start to hit it off, and I mean really connect. She's all you think about and all you could ever want in someone and you would do anything for her. You've even gone so far as to talk seriously about marriage. The only place you haven't gone is sex. Sure there's kissing and light fondling, but nothing too serious. It's just that due to her past she's been burned by sex too soon before and wants to wait for marriage. There have been times where you've been awfully close, but she's stubborn about it. She's also worth the wait. There is one problem though. You have a pretty bad temper, and even though you've told her, she hasn't really seen you go off yet. You've done everything in your power to keep it in control, but the danger is still there. That's been the main hold up.
Enter Guy 2. She was really close friends with this guy back in high school and someone she used to be attracted too, and still is, but says thats all. She starts spending almost as much time with this guy as you, but she insists that she's only friends, there isn't anything to it and she loves you. You notice him flirting with her, but you understand how if you make too much of a big deal about it, it won't help the situation and she doesn't seem to be falling much for it anyway.
Now the day comes where she witnesses your dark side. You blow up, but not at her. Some drunk smartass starts shit and you lose it. Girl witnesses it and freaks out and leaves. The next morning, after you've cooled down, you call some friends and try to find her. They tell you she went over to Guy 2's place. You show up there and when you walk in, Guy 2 has gone out and she's curled up naked on his bed. You ask, she admits. She gets up and tries to explain that after last nights scare, she just wound up there and one thing led to another. In a moment of rage you wind up flipping the bed. Then you turn to find her looking at you against the wall, a mixture of fear and sorrow in her eyes. You walk over and kiss her, but she jerks back. You ask her," A few night ago you let me hold you, kiss you, now you won't even let me touch you?" She says, "Please don't do this." You respond, "Don't do what? Don't be mad that you let him fuck you after everything you've told me? Did it feel good?" You could see in her eyes she's starting to get defensive. "Yeah, it did." You jerk back like she hit you. You look at her with pain in your eyes, betrayed and wounded. "I love you." She starts to tear up and replies, "I know, and I'm sorry." You let out a silent scream of hurt and rage and start to pound the floor our of anger and frustration until your hands start to bleed and she reaches over crying, "Stop it! Your hurting yourself!" You look at her and softly kiss her, but there is no movement back. Broken, you whisper, "Goodbye." You get up to leave and as you're walking out you hear her call you name and she says" I'm sorry." "So am I" you reply, "I'll always love you." As you head out she says "I love you, and I'm sorrier than I know how to say." You leave without turning back.
Now what do you do? I mean, you still love this girl and you know she still loves you; but she's betrayed you and in the worst possible way. Especially after all her talk about wanting to wait. I mean, yes she was right to be scared, but was comfort sex justified. Plus, despite it all she still loves you just as much, but she's made a mistake and since she can't undo it, she just accepts it. No excuses, no attempts to make things right, she just screwed up and now feels that she just has to accept the consequences. You still need her and want her, but you are filled with too much hurt and self loathing to do anything about it. What's worse is that now she feels she isn't good enough for you, even though you don't feel like that at all.
Just a quick disclaimer, no this didn't happen to me, but I read about it and I have some pretty conflicting emotions about it. It would really help if someone posted their opinions about it.
Say you started dating this girl. After a few months you really start to hit it off, and I mean really connect. She's all you think about and all you could ever want in someone and you would do anything for her. You've even gone so far as to talk seriously about marriage. The only place you haven't gone is sex. Sure there's kissing and light fondling, but nothing too serious. It's just that due to her past she's been burned by sex too soon before and wants to wait for marriage. There have been times where you've been awfully close, but she's stubborn about it. She's also worth the wait. There is one problem though. You have a pretty bad temper, and even though you've told her, she hasn't really seen you go off yet. You've done everything in your power to keep it in control, but the danger is still there. That's been the main hold up.
Enter Guy 2. She was really close friends with this guy back in high school and someone she used to be attracted too, and still is, but says thats all. She starts spending almost as much time with this guy as you, but she insists that she's only friends, there isn't anything to it and she loves you. You notice him flirting with her, but you understand how if you make too much of a big deal about it, it won't help the situation and she doesn't seem to be falling much for it anyway.
Now the day comes where she witnesses your dark side. You blow up, but not at her. Some drunk smartass starts shit and you lose it. Girl witnesses it and freaks out and leaves. The next morning, after you've cooled down, you call some friends and try to find her. They tell you she went over to Guy 2's place. You show up there and when you walk in, Guy 2 has gone out and she's curled up naked on his bed. You ask, she admits. She gets up and tries to explain that after last nights scare, she just wound up there and one thing led to another. In a moment of rage you wind up flipping the bed. Then you turn to find her looking at you against the wall, a mixture of fear and sorrow in her eyes. You walk over and kiss her, but she jerks back. You ask her," A few night ago you let me hold you, kiss you, now you won't even let me touch you?" She says, "Please don't do this." You respond, "Don't do what? Don't be mad that you let him fuck you after everything you've told me? Did it feel good?" You could see in her eyes she's starting to get defensive. "Yeah, it did." You jerk back like she hit you. You look at her with pain in your eyes, betrayed and wounded. "I love you." She starts to tear up and replies, "I know, and I'm sorry." You let out a silent scream of hurt and rage and start to pound the floor our of anger and frustration until your hands start to bleed and she reaches over crying, "Stop it! Your hurting yourself!" You look at her and softly kiss her, but there is no movement back. Broken, you whisper, "Goodbye." You get up to leave and as you're walking out you hear her call you name and she says" I'm sorry." "So am I" you reply, "I'll always love you." As you head out she says "I love you, and I'm sorrier than I know how to say." You leave without turning back.
Now what do you do? I mean, you still love this girl and you know she still loves you; but she's betrayed you and in the worst possible way. Especially after all her talk about wanting to wait. I mean, yes she was right to be scared, but was comfort sex justified. Plus, despite it all she still loves you just as much, but she's made a mistake and since she can't undo it, she just accepts it. No excuses, no attempts to make things right, she just screwed up and now feels that she just has to accept the consequences. You still need her and want her, but you are filled with too much hurt and self loathing to do anything about it. What's worse is that now she feels she isn't good enough for you, even though you don't feel like that at all.
Just a quick disclaimer, no this didn't happen to me, but I read about it and I have some pretty conflicting emotions about it. It would really help if someone posted their opinions about it.