Perhaps Understanding? Or perhaps Reign of Chaos?

[moriarti13]

Ive been really lucky in life so far. Nothing really bad has ever happened to me I havent lost anyone particularly close to me, I've never broken a bone, I live in the lap of luxury in friggin southern california. My most trying times have been tempestous loves of crazy women. How sad that my greatest trials and tribulations are over women? Even in

Comments

[zirith]

hey, it's good to get things off you chest. kind of works in odd ways for me, though. like, something'll kind of build up and storm around inside me, and I feel like nothing will ever be right again because I can't do anything about it. and I'll bring myself to write it, blow off all the steam, say every little truth that I can just so I can remember it later even though it feels like I'll never forget anything I'm feeling at the moment.
and then later. sometimes the next day, sometimes only an hour. I feel completely at-ease with the subject. sometimes I'll have even changed my whole opinion of it.
because my thoughts are bipolar like that and I constantly change my views on things. which isn't necessarily a good thing, but it usually doesn't get in the way. or it really hasn't yet.

don't let your past get you down. really, don't. everyone in life will have their bad relationship sometime or another. you've just experienced yours particularly early.
you don't have to forget it. you don't even have to forgive anyone whose wronged you. just set it aside, because it will hinder you one day. whether it causes you to become self-destrective, shut-out from the world. cause you to distance yourself from a promising relationship, for fear of anyone hurting you again. which is completely understandable, but nevertheless... bad.
just accept it. it's happened, yeah. it's cause you a lot of pain, yeah. but hell, just another bump in the road. maybe more like a massive pothole that busted the whole fucking car, but that's what repair shops are for! :D and after time and money and bodywork and paintjobs you'll be all set to get back on the road again. and just because you've hit a lot of potholes within the last few miles, doesn't mean they're going to stretch on forever.
maybe just a few feet ahead, they end, and it's all smooth sailing for the rest of the way. or maybe there are more. but there's only one way to really see, and you just gotta rev up the engine to find out.

...shit, that's such a horrible analogy. xD forgive me~

it takes a lot of time to find someone that really clicks. I was so fucking lucky with Jake... you really have no idea.
it's one of those relationships where you don't notice you have chemistry until someone points it out. we were in each other's science class the whole first semester, and it wasn't until I whispered to a friend in the class that he was cute that I thought 'hey, what the hell. I've liked him all year.'
I'd watch him out of the corner of my eyes during lessons, and it's like... what the hell? how do you NOT notice yourself doing that?
and then my other friend asked me what my screename was, badabing, badaboom, Jake was standing near and overheard and aimed me that night. we talked for the rest of the week after school, and were in a conversation while I was at my friend Kat's house when he asked where I lived. I said I was at her house, and she turned out to live right across the street from his neighborhood so he walked over in the middle of the night and we hung out until 1 am. we exchanged numbers and he asked me out while he was walking back home.

[zirith]

and I've never really noticed how spontaneous that relationship was, but. we just seemed to work, y'know?
and he's only my second boyfriend. I was single for five months before I met him.

so it'll take time. that's nothing in comparison to other relationships, though.

and don't sweat it on the physical stuff, either. believe me, I'm very physical when it comes to expressing emotion. I'm kind of passive-aggressive so I don't get pissed off easily, but when I do it usually includes shouting and the word 'fuck' used many many times. I get the slightest bit stressed or hurt and I start crying, which I really hate but I usually can't suppress it at all. >_> and well, when it comes to showing Jake how much I love him... heh.
but please, please, don't fool around if you've barely even met the girl. don't fool around if you both just need some release. don't make it a habit.
it will be hard. it will be very, very hard. maybe you'll end up jacking off seven times a day just to suppress it.
but please. save it for someone you actually, truly care about. for someone that actually, truly cares for you. because it will be so much sweeter. because it will have meaning, it will deliver a message. it won't be a more convinient and efficient way to get off without the aide of your right hand. it will have a purpose, basically.

I don't have too much more to say.
oh, also. Jake had this problem as well with an ex of his.
don't ever go back to someone because they're familiar, and maybe your relationship worked in the beginning. e.g, Alex. though I know you won't specifically go back to her again, you know what I mean.
he and his ex Jen would fight constantly, get pissed at each other, broke up so many times. but they'd always get back together because they hadn't found anyone else. because they wanted to feel like someone might actually care for them. because it was familiar ground, and they tried to comfort themselves in that.
but you really have to think back to the reason you broke up the the first place.
hey, she screwed you over. what made you think she wouldn't do that again?

and I'm spent, heh.
keep your chin up, you'll find someone sooner or later.
and if you ever need to talk to someone, write an entry, text me, call me. whatever.
I'll be there and see if I can help.
talk to ya later.