Perhaps Understanding? Or perhaps Reign of Chaos?
Ive been really lucky in life so far. Nothing really bad has ever happened to me I havent lost anyone particularly close to me, I've never broken a bone, I live in the lap of luxury in friggin southern california. My most trying times have been tempestous loves of crazy women. How sad that my greatest trials and tribulations are over women? Even in this I am lucky since theres nothing worse that has gone on in my life. So lets see the girls of my love life? Why theres Alex my first wuv and last so far, the crazy bi-polar bitch that she is we dated for two years we did all kinds of shit together now we dont talk and I am rather glad for it. She always would throw everything I ever did wrong in my face no matter how sorry I was for it and everytime we talked it was just one thing after another and she wondered why we screwed so much. We were either screwing physically or she was fucking me with words putting me down and shit. We both had alot of love for eachother and alot of lust but we trampled all over our feelings and now neither of us gives a shit about the other. I told her that if she wants to talk to me alls she has to do is contact me she has my everything. But she hasnt and I think shes got the right idea its stupid to talk to people like that where all you do is argue. So thats one down havent really thought about how many more are to go. Lets see here's an easy category girls I messed around with on buses and wished I hadnt. In this following category theres Fomento, Michelle, Ruby, and Tatiana. Fomento was a big mistake out of sheer hornyness a dumb one, a hand down her pants and that was pretty much it nothing after that the morning after was really bad( things that make you go buhhh). Michelle is some random girl I met on a bus who was having a hard time crying over a bf who cheated on her and we ended up making out. Ahh Ruby started off as a massage ended up with my hand in her pants and her grabbing my crotch a sort of no strings attached playfulness on a 3 hour bus ride. That one ended as soon as we got of the bus too. Tatiana I should have known she'd be a bitch just like the others told me she never get angry at me and be nice and all that. Opened up my heart I liked her more than any other girl since Alex. We ended up fooling around on the bus back from the senior picnic to Knotts Berry Farm again started as a massage ending with hand in pants and making out. We "DATED" for six weeks over which I saw her 3 times. Not a whole lot considering she lives up the street from me literally less than a 5 min drive. She wants to be a model and do all these things and shes entirely self absorbed she doesnt really care for her friends its all about what can you do for her. So she dumped me because she thought I was only after her for sex and had a thing for her sister, which Im not and I dont. But thats what her friend told me Tatiana simply told me that we didnt have enough time for eachother. Too bad for me I almost loved her but she is just as crazy as alex is. Now onto my least favorite category Girls that I hurt. These girls are Penelope and Peach. Penelope you got kicked out of school for stealing while being with scott a guy who lied about damn near everything, who boasted of his sexual prowess when you were fakin, and my ex roommate/formed best friend.Im sorry I never realized you liked me until It was too late you were with scott and I with Alex. I wonder if I hadnt kept going with Alex and dated you and you had been with me would you have graduated from NMMI instead of being expelled? I feel bad for what might have been. I feel much worse for what happened in the summer. In the summer when alex hated my guts for months while I was at summer school loved me for a day and then dumped me. Then I heard penelope was coming down to Cali and so we decided to hang out. And we had sucha nice relation ship going. For two days I was in paradise. I could not have been happier. Penney made me happier than I have ever been. She was ther for a few days and then had to go back we kissed we hugged we fooled around talking endlessly on the phone. Then when school starts again Alex is there. And Im trying to stay faithful to Penney and I clearly remember telling alex I didnt want anything to do with her and she said "It doesn't matter I can make you do it" so then Alex teased me and teased me and I had terrible self control. We ended up screwing and doing all sorts of crap the rest of the year and I cant help but think how much I hurt penney. What I did there I consider to the thing that I wish I hadnt done the most, so one last time I am sorry Penney if only you could know how sorry. Sammy Peach she liked me alot but the relationship didnt go anywhere it just didnt work out and I feel bad that after that was over I went straight back to Alex. I had such a terrible connection with her both repulsion and fascination. And now the girl that I missed out on Sam Dyer. I didnt know she liked me and had wanted to date me and was going to ask me out when Jake asked her out. How different my life could have been, I never knew I had such options with Alex telling me no one else would have me for so long I believed her. She manipulated me like putty and has pretty much screwed me up for life. Some of these things make me a bad person I know, making terrible mistakes, but can you understand why? Listen to "These Things" By She Wants Revenge and it will tell you all. Im not a pervert, I can be an asshole, I can love, Im not only interested in a girl for sex. Ive only ever had sex with one girl and thats the girl I wish I hadnt. I am different than most guys I scare myself with how much Ill think about things and end up talking myself out of it.(especially with girls) So that my "love life" fun huh? Im just going to wait now find someone who truly cares for me and not do anything physical for a while. Thats my biggest problem is that im a touchy feely person. Just cuz I want to have sex with a girl does not mean I dont have feelings for her. Anyways I dont know where Im going with this but I know this is really long so props to anyone who bothers to read the whole thing. Go LIFE! I feel a little better for all of this though....Get it off my chest and all....