The pastiche.
Jesus-
Make me real. Direct my passion and longing so that the journey and the results are embedded in you. I need you. I want you.
Today I longed to be a girl in a painting. I figure the girl in real life helped to inspire the painter and the painted girl would be inspiring the generations to come. And nothing seems more beautiful right now than being art. It's shallow, but it's deep because it's real. And I don't know exactly what it means yet or exactly what will come of it, but I feel that way. I think if I were in a painting I could only be admired and I would no longer have to strive for attention because that would be my natural role in life. I know that God has made us masterpieces, but I just keep seeing all of my faults (physical, spiritual, relational, etc.). Stupid, right? So when does being beautiful become tangible? When do I become more than just lines? When do I begin to see myself that way? At best, I am a pastiche. And almost all painters start off by mimicking other painters (hence, all the pastiches in the world), but the best painters find their own niche...like van gogh did some stuff that was like, "What? Dude, we've already seen this..." but then he totally busted out and came up with something new and exciting--so inspired. And then people mimick him...and it's this crazy cycle. I have lived off of the glory of others for so long that I can't find myself. And in some moments everything around me is so glorious and everything becomes so clear, but there are still these moments of being a blank slate that just feel so horrible. And I'm not just trying to piss and moan and have a pity party, because, to be honest, that won't change anything. Right now I'm just sending rampant thoughts out to the void hoping that when they leave the void in my mind they will come back with answers or at least leave me in peace for sleep.
Love,
Caitlin
Make me real. Direct my passion and longing so that the journey and the results are embedded in you. I need you. I want you.
Today I longed to be a girl in a painting. I figure the girl in real life helped to inspire the painter and the painted girl would be inspiring the generations to come. And nothing seems more beautiful right now than being art. It's shallow, but it's deep because it's real. And I don't know exactly what it means yet or exactly what will come of it, but I feel that way. I think if I were in a painting I could only be admired and I would no longer have to strive for attention because that would be my natural role in life. I know that God has made us masterpieces, but I just keep seeing all of my faults (physical, spiritual, relational, etc.). Stupid, right? So when does being beautiful become tangible? When do I become more than just lines? When do I begin to see myself that way? At best, I am a pastiche. And almost all painters start off by mimicking other painters (hence, all the pastiches in the world), but the best painters find their own niche...like van gogh did some stuff that was like, "What? Dude, we've already seen this..." but then he totally busted out and came up with something new and exciting--so inspired. And then people mimick him...and it's this crazy cycle. I have lived off of the glory of others for so long that I can't find myself. And in some moments everything around me is so glorious and everything becomes so clear, but there are still these moments of being a blank slate that just feel so horrible. And I'm not just trying to piss and moan and have a pity party, because, to be honest, that won't change anything. Right now I'm just sending rampant thoughts out to the void hoping that when they leave the void in my mind they will come back with answers or at least leave me in peace for sleep.
Love,
Caitlin